WH ended affair with OW on Monday. He had sessions with Steve Harley on Tuesday and Wednesday.

WH gave me his plan to me today for no contact:

1. No Contact.

2. Phone rings with her number, do not answer.

3. If answer phone without knowing it is her, hang up.

4. See her in store, turn and walk away.

5. See her car in parking lot, don't pull in.

6. See her in car going down road, don't wave.

7. See in public, don't make eye contact.

8. Get the feeling to call her, call a friend instead.

9. Always call BS immediately after seeing her.

10. Always call BS immediately after talking to her.

As SH explained to me, getting past an addiction is only as good as your PLAN to end the addiction. But, we have had these rules before . . . so why should this time be any different? I am encouraged that WH is taking initiative to follow SH's suggestions though.

WH also told me that he knows that the affair is not my fault. That it resulted from WH's failure to guard his heart.

I talked to OWH today. OW also told him that the affair has ended. She wants him to hold off on the divorce. She wanted to move home this weekend, but he had already made plans to move in with his parents for awhile to save money. He is supposed to move out of his townhouse by Saturday. He didn't go into details, but I got the impression that they are working towards reconciling. She told him that her home is with him and that WH's home is with me and our childen. That is why they ended it.

SH had told me that once WH gave me his plan for no contact and convinced me that WH believes that the affair was not my fault, that I could allow WH to come home whenever I feel comfortable. WH is hoping I will allow him to come home this weekend.

WH told me that SH wants to talk to us together next Monday.

So what do you think? I can't believe that 10 months of messing up all of our lives and the affair doesn't even last 3 weeks after he leaves his family. Or is it really over???

Iwar,

This sure sounds very hopeful.... I do hope your WH follows all of the plan to make this work for you both...

Good luck to you and god bless you ....

Well, sounds very, very promising. I would also ask him to write a no contact letter. That is critical. But I would be very hopeful if I were you. It is extremely unusual for a WS to have any kind of plan at all for recovery.

Is there a way to block all her means of reaching him?

There was almost another false recovery this last time for us because he got a FIX from hearing her voice on his voice mail..

She would call and leave messages of how much she loved him and would leave songs...

That had to stop. He didn't want it to...

Plus I agree with the absolute necessity of the NO CONTACT LETTER....

A PLAN FOR RECOVERY IS ESSENTIAL...

We are continuing to stick to our RECOVERY PLAN after two years...

EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS...

believer & mimi,

I forgot to mention that SH told him to write the no contact letter also. WH said he will write it by the weekend.

The only reason he has a plan is because he is counselling with SH. Hopefully, if we stick with him he will guide us through this.

Don't you think I should be hopeful that she is trying to reconcile with her husband also? Maybe if she is busy fixing her marriage, she will leave mine alone?

I thought about asking him to add telling his friends to not tell him if they see or talk to her.

I might talk to him about changing his cell phone number too.

Thank you for your suggestions.

Iwar:

The NC LETTER AND CHANGE IN CELL PHONE NUMBER ARE ESSENTIAL. I made those things non-negotiable. Your WH will respect you making these requests.

I'm pretty sure that Steve would agree with the need for such EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS.....

The A is SOO ADDICTIVE...Just once whiff her is sometimes all that it takess....