Hey all...I want to thank all of you for your advise. I am the one who baited my husband online to see if he was messing around online. He "had an affair" with me not knowing it was me. Confrontation went good. At first he tried to say he knew it was me all along, but I knew that wasn't true. There wasn't too much argueing...he admitted he was wrong to do what he did. He insisted it was all innocent chat, which I know some of it was becaue I confronted one of his "buddies" on his list. She was very nice to me and I saw where she went on to confront him and tell him he needed to get his act together before he lost him family. I really do believe her, but question my H of course. He insists he won't do this anymore. I feel it was partly unfair because I do know what buttons to push with him, on the other hand he was clueless it was me. We are going to start MC but it will be hard with him being 6 hours away. I am glad I found this website and appreciate all the advise that was sent my way. Thanks so much.

Yours was a great story.

Just a suggestion but if the future your husband should either not be trusted with a computer OR more logically, he must allow you to have password protected spyware on his computer. That way he won't be tempted and you can check up on him if you like by pulling up the logs. Maybe it will not stop him from using another computer but that is just a hassle. He probably did it cause he thought/knew he could. You should not have to babysit your husband. However, with all the easy access to porn and inappropriate chat online it would probably be more helpful to him in his efforts to resist the temptation if he thought you may be watching.

Good luck, Mr. Wondering

Leigh

I believe I would covertly place a keylogger on your computer, so you can verify 1. There are no other "chat" friends and 2. That the chatting with the one you caught truly stops, and 3. He doesn't have some "other" stuff going on with the computer like porn or signing up for "adult" friend finders type of sites.

He's already has crossed a marital boundary with you, and I really think the keylogger would be a good investment to know that he's shaping up and flying straight.

This would be a good time to purchase and read "His Needs/Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley, creator of this site. This would give you a way to self evaluate your marriage, and see if you can find our "what he thought was missing" which entitled him to seek comfort or thrills outside the marriage.

This is NOT the time to just accept his apology, take his word for stopping the activity, and sweep it all under the carpet.

Marriage is like a garden, and it must be lovingly tended, or weeds will pop up and choke the healthy vegetation.

Best wishes,
SD