--<p>[This message has been edited by Benna (edited September 28, 1999).]

Dr. Joy is just one opinion Benna. You've got tons of people here who will tell you that honesty IS the best policy.<P>In the short run, yes, it will most likely devastate your husband. Think about how you felt when your husband was getting seduced by two women at your house party. He'll feel many times worse. But -- in the long run, it's for the best. First of all, you're being eaten up by the guilt (you said as much in your other thread). You'll get enormous relief. Second of all, your husband really needs to know the seriousness of the problem. Right now he just thinks you're being a prude or something by not going along with his sexual fantasies. Thirdly, if honesty is going to be a part of your relationship, then how can you justify holding that back? As other people on this forum have told me when I balked at telling my wife the whole truth, your husband is a big boy. He can take care of himself.<P>Okay, well that's just my opinion... hope other people will say something too! <P>--andy

Yes you should tell him, but you should have some solutions towards recovery ready before you give him the unexpected news.<P>I wrote to you on the other thread.<P>Andy is right, honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. <P>But you weren't just dishonest with your affair, you were dishonest with him about your boundaries. So, Brenna, you have some work to do to get your confidence back and set appropriate boundaries.<P>Go read your other thread for my response.<P>There is a website for sexaddicts.com - you can get some material there to learn more about what you are up against.<P>Take care, okay? We care about you.<P>TNT