New email from WW,

We still need to talk about this
Everyday I come home and I just feel so guilty - because I am going to break our family up - I see DS12 and I just bottle up - but I can't keep my head in the sand.
We need to talk.
Do you still have the information from the person that would do the divorce cheap?
Do we still have the agreement as before?
I will take all the blame - you're free of blame.
I hope you can remain my friend.
I want to start the process ASAP
No one else is involved.

I can't beleive this!

[color:"blue"] The captain of the ship looked into the dark night and saw faint lights in the distance. Immediately he told his signalman to send a message: “Alter your course 10 degrees south.”

Promptly a return message was received: “Alter your course 10 degrees north.”

The captain was angered; his command had been ignored. So he sent a second message: “Alter your course 10 degrees south—I am the captain!”

Soon another message was received: “Please alter your course 10 degrees north.”

Immediately the captain sent a third message, knowing the fear it would evoke: “Alter your course 10 degrees south—I am a battleship.”

Then the reply came: “Alter your course 10 degrees north—I am a lighthouse.” [/color]

Foglight, your wife is a battleship right now and fighting you every step of the way.

Be the lighthouse. Be unmovable.

Do you still have the information on the person to do a cheap divorce?

Nope. You sure don't because you are single minded in your decision to restore your marriage.

Do you still have the same agreement as before?

Sure you do. The one where you promised to love, cherish and protect till death do you part.

That is you...the lighthouse.

Let her battle and threaten and wander whatever course she wants.

You, Foglight, are her lighthouse shining the way home and steadfast in your resolve.

Don't react to this latest bit of babble. ACT in the manner that shows you are unmovable in your decision to save your marriage.

Good luck.

FIM

Thank You Faithinme, Here I am at work trying to be a provider and this email has nearly knocked me off my feet again. I feel beat and broken and see my family being torn apart.

I know the feeling! I understand.

The problem is, and I only realize this because I can look back on it now, is that you must try to ride the waves.

It's going to go back and forth.

All you can do is know what you are fighting for and keep looking down the road.

She is trying to defeat you and bring you down. She is trying to push you away. She may not even realize it!

You can't react to each manuever she makes or it will drive you crazy. I know all about that too!

It's hard, I know. Your instinct is to react because it scares you.

It's the exact same thing that she is doing!! Reacting out of fear is going to sink both of you.

Two battleships facing off are going to end up in conflict.

Realize that she is doing whatever she can to cause you to react.

So act with optimism. Babble back at her. You're not ready to divorce so she's gonna have to deal with that.

Even is she contacts someone today and even if she starts the process, you've got so much time that this email, while very important at this moment, is going to be a small footnote in the entire situation.

Deal with it as such and move forward in your plan.

FIM

Faithinme I know what your saying. The bad part is if ww gets an attorney I will lose far more than if I would go nonconstested divorce. So much more that I'm not even sure how I can make it.

Hi, FL.

You need to find out who the other person is. NOW.

Secondly, if she is willing to give up custody now, then get a signed statement ASAP.

Thirdly, you need to let her know (if you intend not to divorce her), that you have no intention whatsoever of being her friend outside the confines of marriage.

Are you following me here?

You can not proceed until you know the truth.

Gimble

Gimble,

Unless ww tells me I don't know how to find out?

Custody in Florida is 50/50 shared.

Hi, FL.

I realize that custody is shared by default. My point to you is that if she will legally sign over custody of son to you, then do it for HIS sake. Your wife is not firing on all thrusters right now. You have seen this before.

If you have to, hire a PI or attempt to buff the truth from her.

"Wife, I know what you have done. Let's talk about the real issue."

I suggest the PI.

There is another emotional interest at play here. You can't ignore it unless you simply want to divorce and get it over with. That is okay too, but you have to make a decision.

For the record, there divorce is not easy either.

Gimble

Hi, FL.

Quoting FL's wife:
===================
No one else is involved.
===================

Do you believe this statement?

Gimble

Gimble I honestly don't know. I see no evidence this time. I any thinking of giving in, ww just has worn me down and I it come to a legal battle I will loose big.

Gimble, sorry about the spelling. I am going to sit down with WW tonight and try for some honesty. At that point I will deceide what to do before the week ends. I have a much better chance of walking away being able to survive if I work out a divorce settlement with WW. I am out of here at 4 pm today. I might go home and log on not sure. Thanks for the help.

FL

Hi, FL.

I don't know why you would think that your wife will be honest with you.

I do understand your dilemma, but don't expect honesty, no matter how compelling your plea.

Gimble

Gimble is correct

I've thought about it and friends your right. WW would not come clean last time until I had solid proof. So why would now be any different. I have an appointment with Attorney tomorrow. I want to find out if WW can put me out of the house if I don't want a divorce. Also to find out if there is an advantage to filing first for divorce.

WW acts semi normal tonight, never said a word about the email I started this post with. Blows my mind why WW won't bring it up face to face. DS12 went for a bike ride and I thought it would be brought up when he left but no.

I was certainly down this evening. I just can't hide the hurt like I could yesterday, knowing she's forcing the divorce.

I don't mean to butt in, however "no one else is involved" just sounds like fog talk. I wouldn't believe it for a minute. There is either a PA or an EA going on. If you have that "much to loose", I would hire the PI. It would be worth it.

I don't think that their is an advantage to filing first here in FL.

I would have her sign the custody agreement now if she is willing. You might be surprised. I had my lawyer type up a quit claim deed to the house, drove down to WH's work asked him to sign it and he did. No questions. He even had his boss notarize it.

Because I'm not afraid of loosing the house. I am able to deal with WH much easier.

VTY

Hi, FL.

Here is my guess at what happened while you were away from the forum.

You continued to Plan A your wife. Eventually, you fell back into the 'princess' treatment of her because you couldn't stand the idea of conflict in your relationship. You gave and gave with diminishing returns.

Ultimately, you lost all the power you had gained during the battle to win your wife back. You forgot the things you labored so hard to learn here.

Where is FogLight the hero? Is he still around?

What happened that your wife's entitlement was never dealt with?

No disrespect intended, FL, just questions about what went wrong. Even if you divorce, you will have to face these things or they will eat away at your next relationship.

Gimble

Yes Gimble you are correct. I hate conflict. The entitlement was never dealt with. I'm not good at defending myself, never was.

Gimble, ww is going to weight doctor tomorrow. About a 1 hour trip one way. I'm going to put a voice activated recorder in her car. A perfect opportunity to catch a conversation.

Hi, FL.

That sounds like a good plan.

After you get the recorder back, turn off your brain and your emotions and transcribe the recording. Then put the recorder in a safe place that your wife will never find.

After that is done, you can let you feelings out, not before. Plan on dealing with being very hurt and upset. I have a friend that has been through this, only he recorded his wife having sex with the other man.

You can get through this. Do realize, that you can call it quits at anytime. I do think that you need to face up to the conflict avoider monster regardless of your decision.

Please see to the needs of your son through all this. Again, he needs his hero, and that is you.

Please keep me posted.

God bless,
Gimble