Folks,

Just found this forum, and I am in need of advise, encouragement, help, and all of the above.

Basic: Been married for 23 years, and dated 5 before that. Wife has informed me back in July that she wants to separate and move back home. She is unhappy, unappreciated, feels neglected, and unloved. This is not a new subject with us, but as many husbands find out when it is to late that their wives are about to explode and the only way they see themselves as ever being happy is to move on.

I am 49 and she is 45. Two kids, one 19 and one 17. Both committed Christians.

Real world: Come to find out that she met someone at a wedding she attended back in June. Of course they hit it off, and she began calling him. He lives very far away thank God. Anyway, she had no intention of telling me what was going on until I got suspicious and did a little snooping and found out. Then I checked my cell phone records and sure enough, she has been quite involved in conversations over the last months.

She says she has fallen for this man. And of course, many know the rest of the story that he is so understanding etc.

Once I found out though and confronted her, she came clean and admitted it. Basically she is torn. She knows it is wrong and so does the other man, but the pull is just to much she says. She loves him to much, and she is not sure if she stays that she can ever get him out of her head. She wants me to let her go so she can find herself, to think things over etc. which means return to her hometown.

Of course, in her hometown, are her friends who only want to see her be happy. They are torn as I have great relationships with her family and friends, but alas, I believe one friend in particular, her best friend is turning the screws.

Currently we are in counseling, but barely. I have met at least 10 times with my counselor and she has met only 2 twice. We were supposed to start a recovery program together as she said she would try to work towards restoration, but she does not want me to have false hopes. This has already fallen through as she is now not so sure she wants to go through this program and we had to cancel our first appointment.

She still calls this man every so often becasue she says she cares so much for him and simply cannot break it off. I personally cannot stop the calls, but I can't begin to tell you how much it hurts. For the life of me, I can't figure out how this guy can steal my wife's heart in only a month!

Of course, like many other men in similar situations, I am all for restoration. Afterall, I married my one true love and believe that marriage is sacred. No physical or mental abuse has taken place ever. Of course, I have failed to love her as Christ has loved the church in so many words, but I have been faithful over the years and provided a good home. We are regular church goes and have attended many bible study camps and even did some light missionary work, so we are both well versed in what the Scriptures have to say, but...

The funny thing is, as my counselor has said, she is struggling with her belief system. On one hand she knows the penalty of divorce and the stigma that it carries, but she also knows that she is an adult and can make her own choices. I guess the old axiom of "love is blind" has never rung truer.

The guy it turns out was part of an abusive marriage where he was the abused. But in the limited research I have been able to find, most of these husband abuse issues are in result to abusive husbands and are rarely just because the woman is abusive. This disturbs me even more that if she makes this mistake, she will end up being abused!

Anyway, we are trying to stay together to work on things for the sake of my daughter who is in the last year of High School. It is like walking on eggshells, and I had a major breakdown last week which only made things worse seeing that once again, our lives seemingly revolve around me.

I realize that I cannot make or force her to do anything, but only encourage and love her. I have forgiven her and she knows that, but she cannot forgive me for the 23 years of pain she has indured from a seemingly indifferent husband. She says it is to late, that I let another steal her heart away.

At this point I'm not sure what to do and could use some advise. Of course, I am in constant contact with my counselor and he has been a huge help, but it also doesn't hurt to get some real life opinions.

Oh, one final thing and this is probably the most puzzling aspect of this nightmare. In previous years, my wife has counseled several women AGAINST leaving their husbands and staying together! Now, faced with the same situation, she can't even follow her own advise.

thanks for listening,

jg

Hi

Welcome to MB forum!
sorry you need to be here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Is OM married? You cannot trust that your wife knows the actual truth about this ... she may have fallen victim to a player.

my advice?

Spend some $$ and investigate this man. Get the goods on him.

Right now, you ought to expose this affair to your church pastor. Have your pastor talk with the 2 of you. Have your pastor pray for your marriage.

Do NOT inform your wife you are launching an investigation into just who this guy is ... she may warn OM if you tell her.

There are a few parts of your story (well written by the way) that makes me think this guy might be a player. A man who preys on women, gets them to fall in love with him, and uses them like kleenex. You need to find out.

In the meantime... Plan A your wife. Sounds like you are doing that already anyway.

Find out ~everything~ about this turd.

Good luck.

Hi John,
You have come to a great place for help. I'm just new to this myself, but I will try to share what I have learned so far.
When a spouse is involved in an affair, be it emotional or physical, the two adulters are consumed with the feelings of love, or so they think.
While experiencing these feelings they have to overcome their own morals and beliefs.
They lie to themselves, they lie to their spouses, and they recreate history in order to justify their affair.
Part of recreating history results in comments to the betrayed spouse, such as, I love you but I'm not in love with you. Or, I don't love you and haven't for years.
Also one of the classic phrases is,"I needs space to think, I'm confused." Which is basicly, the wandering spouses excuse to carry on the affair without having the betrayed spouse get in the way.
One of marriage builders plans for restoration of the marriage is to do Plan A.
Plan A involves exposing your wifes affair to their families, friends, sometimes work, and the other wander's spouse.
After the exposing, you then shift into making yourself the best that you can be and showing your spouse consideration, respect and eliminating lovebusters.
Most of what the wandering spouse says will be babble of a person in fog.
Wandering spouses are compared to aliens.

You will recieve great advice here. The experienced members are wonderful coaches.

Sincerely,
K.D.'s Heartbreak

Hey J,

Sorry to hear about your sitch. Very similar to mine. Just keep encouraging her with no LB's. I got a lot of great advise here on MB. You came to the right place. I pray that you and your family get through this.


R

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You arwe not alone. My wife had an affair after 7 years of marriage (13 years together). All of what you are experiencing is common. Your ww will do and say anything to justify her affair.IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BLAMING YOURSELF FOR YOUR WW CHOICES. SHE COULD HAVE COMMUNICATED HER UNHAPPINES TO YOU AND GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO MEET HER NEEDS.INSTEAD SHE CHOSE THE AFFAIR. AGAIN, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT,PERIOD.. I went through a period of self blame as well.Counseling will not help until she cuts off the affair. If you don't beleive me keep reading other post. You will find that all that you are going through is common when dealing with this.
Read everything on this site and keep posting. you will get a lot of good advice here.
Stay strong.

Thanks for listening.

The point A stuff I don't quite have a handle on, but let me clarify a bit. I did not want to write a book with my initial message.

Her friends and family know what is going on. The other man's family also knows what is going on. She has told me that to a 'T' all of them think that it is wrong and they should break it off. Her best friend's (who I believe is the culprit in setting this whole thing off), family know this individual and have told him to back off. His own mother has told him to back off, but he/she refuses.

At least let me say that she has told me that they continually speak of how wrong it is and that he has even encouraged my wife to go back to me and work it out, yet the best thing he could do to support his own words is not take any of my wife's phone calls. Yet he continues to pick up.

As for our pastor, he knows and he is the one counseling us. He is a fantastic man and my wife trusts him completely and respects him a great deal. When she does talk to him, he is able to get through and usually after her talks with him, she is more than willing to give it a go. But then a day or two goes by and she swings back the other way. Of course becasue she is on the phone to her best friend each and every day which is a big part of the problem in my book, but she refuses to see that her best friend is our marriages worst enemy at this point.

At our first together session, she stated to him that God will have to give her a new heart, and his reply was pretty simple in that he said that is what God is in the business for. He also told her in no uncertain terms that this guy is NOT who he says he is. Never is. He is a fantasy creation and right now, he fits the bill as Prince Charming.

Great! We are on the right road, but then come the phone calls to her best friend and the mood changes back the other way. As I read an excerpt from a book, her friends although meaning well, do not want to feel bad at her being so unhappy. So they hate to see her unhappy and thus will say, "whatever will make you happy". Seeing her unhappy makes them unhappy.

She is also torn over the notion that God can't possibly want her to go through the rest of her life so unhappy. Then again, God never promises happiness or who is responsible for making us happy. If it is me or your spouse, then she will never be happy.

This is the tough part. I have plenty to say in love, but it will and has fallen on deaf ears and this is what makes it so discouraging. I liken it to the alcoholic and when everyone around them says their behavior is destructive they phoo-phoo it, until they hit rock bottom. I pray that it doesn't take my wife to hit rock bottom before she realizes she is making a huge mistake. I have made mistakes but have repented of those and this is another sticking point. My wife has commented that she believes I have truely repented of these issues and she can actually see the wholehearted change in my heart, but alas, she says it is to late.

As for finding out about this guy, I have thought about that, but I only see problems there. It could drive her closer to him because at this point she constantly defends his behavior. You see, as a man, there is no lower thing another man can do to a man than steal his wife. He knew my wife was in a weakened state and has taken advantage of the situation. Any decent "Christian" man who he claims to be would have put this to bed knowing the damage he is about to inflict on numerous lives, especially since it happened to him! Maybe he is exacting some type of revenge in his mind on me to justify his own broken marriage. At the current time he is not married. His marriage broke up after 17 years supposedly because of her abuse, and of course her taking up with another guy! But as I have asked her, How well do you really know this guy? And why not ask his ex what he was like? Whoa boy, that will never happen.

Basically, it is one day at a time. My counselor says that she is battling and she will be up and down. I have told her that at some point if it is to end, she must stop calling him. She initially agreed, but now says becasue I found her out that she made some promises to me in haste becasue she felt trapped and cornered.

It is just so difficult and painful becasue as I said, she is my true love and I have expressed that to her numerous times, but at this point her heart seems to be so hardened, that she cannot accept anything I do. But that does not mean I am willing to give up. I am commanded to love her no matter what and that is what I intend to do.

Finally, sorry for the length, but I don't have any friends to turn to on this and I am kind of venting. Here is another puzzling aspect of our situation. We are still having sex and quite frequently. Many times she is initiating it too. She does say she loves me, but I also wonder if she loves me like say she loves her mother and that is not the same type of love one has for their spouse. Then there are always those voices that say when we are making love that she imagines it is him, and this is why we are continuing to have sex. Then again, a part of me says that maybe she does indeed love me and still desires me.

It's confusing to say the least, and the worst part is the constant yo-yo of my emotions. Being on med's is not helping either.

thanks again for lending an ear.

jg

Are you familiar with James Dobson?

His book Love Must Be Tough may suit you.

How long do you intend to permit your wife to live with you while she is being this disrespectful and rebellious?

weeks?
months?
years?

think about this and then give your best estimate

additionally ... you may want to invite your wife to post here.

johng,

Your WW is a cake-eater, albeit one that hides behind being tormeted by her actions, thoughts and faith. I am sure your W was a very moral person but do not confuse your WW with the past tense.

It will be hard to appreciate if her counseling sessions are borne from truly wanting to make a go of your M or just a smokescreen that salves her conscience and makes her look good to her family and friends.

I too was faced with a very meddling "best friend" of my WW and I was wisely told to try and break up that relationship. My heartfelt appeal fell on deaf ears and incredibly I was mocked by that friend for my effort. I would give it a try if I were you but don't waste too much time separating this mini-satan from your WW.

You appear to trying to hang on to a R with a person that has taken the " moral and gut wrenching" path in making her decisions regarding your future. My advice is go to DR Dobson's Love Must Be Tough for your answers

http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/p...20to%20Consider

Best of luck and you are in my prayers

Cymanca,

Thanks for the advise and to any others. I certainly know about James Dobson and both my wife and I respect his ministry a great deal.

As for my wife's best friend, and breaking them up, that will never happen! They both feed off each other and over the years, have become dependent upon each other. Well, I should say, her best friend has become dependent upon my wife.

Once again, a bit of background might help or illustrate a bit.

My company has moved to the south and I moved along with it. It is 900 miles from our previous home. My wife was all for the move but making real friends here has been tough going, even within our new church. My wife used to work for her best friend not only in a business but taking care of her children. Because we are cash strapped and always have been, the money she has made has helped make ends meet.

Now over the last 12 months, my wife's best friend has paid for my wife to return home and work for her family's business. This work revolves around huge convention type shows, so the work only lasts for a week. The catch is the money. She is paid awfully well. At first I didn't see anything wrong with this setup because it helped us out financially and it gave my wife a chance to return home to visit her family and some very close friends.

But alas, this has now turned into a once a month thing and the latest one is what sparked my breakdown. I just couldn't handle it knowing that every day my wife spends there is another day away from accountability. But there is no way my wife will ever break this friendship even though she knows her friend has the ability to control her.

Why she has offered her a place to stay during our separation, a job, etc. So, what's not to like as far as my wife is concerned? The problem is, that I have no one to go to bat for me back there. Family and a few friends say that they are on my side, but none are willing to go the tough love route, and non of her family would ever go the tough love route. So, I'm in a bind.

Now, here's another kicker. Last night my wife purchased a theraputic massage for me. Again, it was a nice jesture and it was appreciated, but when she asked me after it was done how I felt, I said I felt the same as I did before. Of course nothing is going to make me feel better at this point apart from being restored.

I'll check out the Dobson book though and thanks for the advise. Problem is, I've been reading a number of books by some really respected authors, but as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink and at this point, I can read all the books I want, but the messages in those books are not getting to my wife.

Once again, thanks!

jg

Your wife needs a quick unexpected bracing reality check ... read Dobson for the recipe ---> Dobson says that a slow leak will kill your marriage but a BLOW OUT sometimes stops the slow leak

Until you force a choice ... your confused weakened wife will continue to choose this double life ... and as you know ... it is deadly sin she is playing with. When you look at your wife, can you see that evil has been allowed to enter her? You cannot get that evil to leave by being sweet to her. You must be a warrior and lead your family right now. Do not allow evil to lead your family off the cliff and into the abyss !!

Pepperband,

thanks.

I have checked out a clip from Dobson's book and will be looking for it at lunch. From that clip, it sounds like I need to press on.

I will also be speaking with my counselor at lunch and see what he thinks about the current situation and this constant yo-yoing she is putting me through.

I may have to wait though becasue we are supposed to take a trip next weekend to visit my son at college with my daughter (Home Coming) and I don't want to ruin the weekend for my kids, but if things are not noticeably better or she hasn't committed to our counseling project laid out by our counselor, then it will be time to act.

As far as the evil stuff goes, my wife is no less a child of God at this moment than she was before this happened. God still loves her and I am commanded by Scripture to love her unconditionally, period. Now, I know love can take many forms and the love here appears to be taking on the guise of "tough love" and not mushy love.

Funny, when we were dating some 28 years ago, she happened to take a liking to another man and I gave her a choice, him or me, and she ended up chosing me. Maybe it is time like Dobson said to just let her go and make her own choice, or put the ball in her court. She has said many times though that it all comes down to her anyway. So maybe I give her the permission to make the choice.

thanks again,

jg

Dobson says do NOT let the adulterous spouse even SEE you are reading that book much less discuss what you read... they can read it after they end their affair and return to Earth!

John,

You are getting some good advice. I just wanted to weigh-in on your wife's relationship with Jesus for a minute. And how you should be handling this.

First off, neither I nor you know for sure whether your wife is truly saved. Just because you sleep in a garage does not make you a Ford, and just because you attend church, does not make you a Christian. But, even though we cannot know for sure what their status is, we can see many things thru their "fruit." Which basically means that if Christ is in them, then certain things will show themselves thru that person, even when they are doing wrong. If Christ is in your wife, then a war is going on in side her...because Christ cannot reside in an atmosphere of rebellion.

If your wife is saved, then she is in rebellion to Christ. Forget about you for a minute and what she is doing to you. She is in rebellion to Christ. What is rebellion & how does that differ from sin? well, if I my son throws a ball i nthe house and breaks a lamp, that is sin. He knew not to throw that ball. But, if he is standing right in front of me and I tell him to not throw that ball, and he does it anyway...that is rebellion. And I certainly will deal with him a whole lot differently, if you get my drift/ God does the same thing. Read here what the Bible says about the believer who is in rebellion.


He is talking about believers here. If you are in rebellion...if you have been told by another person, or by the church or by your spouse, that what you are doing is wrong and a sin against God, and you still go on doing it...you are in full out rebellion to God. And you NEVER want to be in that place. As Scripture says above...vengeance is Mine, I will repay....God judges His people.

If your wife is saved, she is in a VERY dangerous place. Sure, she cannot lose her salvation. but the "spanking" that is going to come fro mthe Lord is going to be severe unless she turns back soon. How severe? Well, I dont know. Only God knows. Maybe nothing will turn her back to Him, and He has to just allow her to die and bring her home. Maybe God will allow sickness, or financial troubles, etc. in order to get thru to her. In David's case, when he committed adultery and murder...the baby born from the adultery was killed by God. And as God says in Malachi..."I never change."

Your wife is in severe trouble, and the longer she flirts with this mess and ignores God...well, the Father would not be loving if He did not take her over His knee and give her a little discipline!!

So, what do you do? Of course, all that you are doing here with Plan A, exposure, etc is right on track. but there is more. The Bible says that if a believer wrongs you, you must first go to them. If they will nto stop, then you go and get 2-3 witnesses to come and see that she refuses to stop. If she still will not stop, then you are to take her before the church. The church is to then ask her if she will return to the Lord or stay in her rebellion. If she chooses rebellion, then the church (and you) are to turn her out and treat her as a tax gatherer and sinner. You treat her as if she never was saved. In essence, this is when you go to Plan B.

God does nto hear the prayers of those who are not saved, or those that are in rebellion. Not until there is a prayer of repentence. Your wife continuing to go to church is a sham, as she refuses to bend her knee to God and do as he has commanded. Sure it is tough. She is addicted to this mess. I have been on here for awhile and understand the nuiances of the WS. But if she is a believer, she has a relationship with Christ. He is in her. She has the power to overcome all of this. But, if with you and others and the pastor, and the church...telling her it is wrong and she must stop...and she continues...she is in rebellion to God.

You are her head. It is you that must tell her this. It is you that must take her to the church and the church tell her this. She must be told that it doesnt matter what she "feels," just that she is to obey the Lord...and He will come alongside and help her. You must tell her the truth John.

This is serious business! Your wife is in a VERY bad place right now. She is trivializing Jesus and His death o nthe Cross. She is treating His blood as something that is common. And vengeance upon your wife will come from the Lord...He will repay her lawlessness.

Do not sugar coat this John. She needs to hear this. She needs to do the right thing, no matter how she feels. The consequences are too great if she doesnt.

Every knee will bend, even hers.

In His arms.

john.

I'd say right now you need to focus on two things. Appearing strong, and confident, secure that you know something she doesn't....

the other, assume EVERYTHING she says and does is a lie to you. Hire a PI. Find out the dirt on this man, NOT to show your wife, but to expose to the people in HIS life. You can't do anything to change your wife right now, but, the OM's life can be changed through his relatives/relations.... things like that. Generally, a wife slamming the door on a man is alot differnt than the man slamming it on the lady.

Hang in there.

Mortarman

>First off, neither I nor you know for sure whether your >wife is truly saved. Just because you sleep in a garage >does not make you a Ford, and just because you attend >church, does not make you a Christian.

Point taken, but there is no doubt she is saved. After 23 years of marriage that has included salvation, baptism i.e. immersion, some bible college, bible study camps, intense ministry work, there is absolutely no doubt she is saved, and loves God.

>So, what do you do? Of course, all that you are doing here with Plan A, exposure, etc is right on track. but there is more. The Bible says that if a believer wrongs you, you must first go to them. If they will nto stop, then you go and get 2-3 witnesses to come and see that she refuses to stop. If she still will not stop, then you are to take her before the church. The church is to then ask her if she will return to the Lord or stay in her rebellion. If she chooses rebellion, then the church (and you) are to turn her out and treat her as a tax gatherer and sinner. You treat her as if she never was saved. In essence, this is >when you go to Plan B.

She knows this too. Just last week we attended a weekly leadership class that is dealing with conflict resolution and part of that was Matthew 16:15-17 passages that deal with this very matter. We have already dealt with verse 15 and going to her in private i.e. myself. She did not repent.

In talking with my counselor who is also my pastor and the teacher of this class, we are now somewhere between verse 15 and 16. If she continues to go on ignoring any call to repentance, then we will proceed to verse 16 and she will be called in to the elders.

You see, she knows all the verses! She has heard them a thousand times and has even counseled some of her friends from leaving their husbands over this same issue, but yet she cannot follow her own advise nor properly apply the word of God to her own situation. This is how confused she is, and this begins to show me and others how strong an emotion like love is!

Believe me, it is total disobedience and selfishness and she readily admits that she is being selfish. She also knows the dangers involved with such disobedience, but as with many other Christians, when she looks around and judges the situation based upon what she sees, she does not see all that death and destruction. In her mind at the present, she sees that God will still love her and of course He will, but my point is, will He bless Her? We both know that He will not, and that in the end God will only allow her to go so far before He meters out some form of punishment. My pastor has also relayed this very same thing to her in saying that it will only lead to far worse heartache and trouble.

So, it is simply pure disobedience. Satan has a grip on her and is determined to divide what God has put together.

Now, nothing has been sugar-coated. She has been told numerous times it is wrong. She KNOWS it is wrong, but cannot break the bond. Satan has a hold of her fears in such a way that her fears are what she is listening to and not the Holy Spirit.

I would say that at this point, again we are to start upon a reconciliation process this Wednesday with certain restrictions to be placed upon her. If she does not agree, the the reconciliation will stop and at that point I will press for the meeting with the elders, and then from there will probably follow through with Dobson's idea to force her to leave. Maybe if she gets wind that she will be ex-communicated from our church that will be the light that breaks through, but I'm hoping that we don't have to go there and that she agrees to the reconciliation plan.

thanks though for your input, it was greatly appreciated.

jg

Thanks for clarifying things. It appears you and yoru pastor have things well in hand!

Remember, my friend...this is NOT in your hands. All you are is being an obedient servant of the Lord and being a leader of your family and the head of your wife. As long as you continue to do so, then your wife will find herself increasingly feeling alone...as she is put outside the fence of God's protection.

My wife was similar to yours. Worked at Crisis Pregnancy Center. Did the Bible study thing on Tuesdays and did children classes on Wednesdays. I have seen what Satan can do to a good Christian woman. She has even said that she believes Jesus loves her and that He loves her enough that she will be okay. sure, that is true in a way. Eternally, she is okay. But that punishment you talked about may be VERY severe. She is slowly coming around. But it is telling how much sin can blind you from the truth, even when you know the Bible and have been in the trenches for Jesus.

So, it is time to let your kids know, and to have the pastor bring her in. I know it is tough. jesus knows it is tough. But if she cant stop her rebellion, then she must be put out in order that she might be won again to the faith.

In His arms.

Also, you might want to go to Tony Evan's web site and get a tape series on marriage and divorce. And both of you listen to it. She will get to hear where she is headed....when you destroy a covenant of God.

In His arms.

Mortarman,

Thanks for the advice.

I'd love to be able to move my Pastor to step 2 or verse 16 as I should say, but he is reluctant as long as there is progress being made. These are huge steps and in our church, they have only had to move to step 3 or vers 17 2 other times.

He is not afraid to go there, it's just that he doesn't want to rush things I guess. Remember, this is also my counselor and he has maintained a middle of the road stance so far which is commendable. But I'm going to question him on at what time does he remove his counselors hat and put on his pastor hat, and push for the next step?

As I said, we are supposed to re-start our reconciliation process Wednesday. I expressed my concern that my wife is only going to do this to apease me. In other words, she will try, buttttt.... My position to him was that in order for me to participate at this time, I want to see some repentance, not sorrow, or sorry for putting you in this mess, but I was wrong and want to repent. Secondly, in order for this to work, she will have to cease all communication with OM. He did agree in principle and said that the book we would be using (Larry Crabb's Marriage Builder) is intended for the couple that WANTS to reconcile, not the couple where one wants to reconcile and the other is a maybe or let's see.

Now, if those things are not met, then it is on to Plan B and asking her to pack and go. Of course though before she leaves I would want the step two process to take place within the church just to let her know that she is in danger of breaking her fellowship with her church.

thanks again,

jg

I had to actually go 4 days before our custody hearing, to the church and have them declare her spiritually dead (that is essentially what you are doing when she is put out of the church). My wife did not show up.

I had to do that in order for me to feel right in showing up to court that next Monday. I had released my wife and thus was prepared for what would happen, knowing Jesus was calling the shots. Well, that next Monday, even though my wife was the one that filed, even though she had told me just two weeks before that she was "under no illusion that you will get custody"...wel, she didnt get custody.

Recent talks with her (we are in recovery) have told me just how much that me taking her to the church meant. She said she didnt want to admit it at the time, but it devastated her. She said before that, she felt like she was still connected...to me and to Him. But after that, she felt liek she was on her own...lost.

Telling words, dont you think? Just goes to show that if we trust the Lord and in His word...amazing things can happen.

Again, it sounds like you have things well in hand. It is your wife, your family. No one but you and Jesus are in charge there. So, I will just say keep up the good work.

"As for our house, we will follow the Lord."

In His arms.

Mortarman,

That is refreshing to hear. I am thinking along the same lines as you.

My wife loves our current church, and loves our pastor. I think it would simply crush her to be fed to the Elders. I even told my pastor that I felt this might be the straw that is able to break this spell she is under.

If she knew that the church was now moving to have her removed, it might just be the wakeup call she will listen to.

And you are right, this is not my battle, it is the Lords and on another spiritual plane.

Like I said, if this renewed restoration plan does not take route, I will press for stage two and then immediately on to Plan B. I have just finished my dear john (not to me but just a metaphor) letter that will ask her to leave, but I want the elders call for repentance first.

again, thanks so much for the advice you have given me! Reading and writing in here has kept me off my med's!

jg