I am scared, he is going to be so irate, but he is trying to normalize it telling everyone he hasn't done anything wrong. He just has to grab the gusto as it is his last chance for happiness.

He chose the affair, the repercussions are all in him right?

He is not coming home anyway, so let's get it all out on the open...

Jean,

If I can do it, YOU can do it!! Don't wait or put it off any longer(like I did). Learn from my mistake and just go for it.

Like someone told me before "You have already lost him."

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
married 13 years
Re-exposed today - 3rd time. Preparing for Plan B.

(((Kim)))
I have been following your thread, I hope we both come out of this happy and secure-no matter what.

Like someone said-they can kill you, but they can't eat you!

Jean,

I felt the same way but I did expose to everyone.... Friends, family and co-workers ...Heck even the girl at
7-11 ..lol

I w as 1400 miles away when I found out and believe me by the time I got home everyone knew... I called everyone I knew from my moms home.... And I had not even found MB's yet .. it was instinct to tell all....

Oh yeah he got mad and threatened divorce and how he was done with me..... Well suffice it to say he is not done yet.
He has come home 2 times since then and is still waffeling about..... So now its planb for me to knock him off the fence....

So do it let him get mad , it will pass...... Because if you don't expose and the A continues you will have no chance. Let the dirty laundry air out in public view make them look sleazy...... Cause they are !!!!!

thanks HK (I hope things are looking up for you soon)

Tomorrow is OWH exposure. I don't really have any idea if they are living as man and wife, or if it is just a green card marriage, but either way, he has a moral or legal interest in it right?

There is probably alot I don't know about the situation. WH worked real hard to protect her info. But ******, my mom is one of her customers-I had to tell my mom. I can't let my mom spend my inheritence on a home wrecking trolls business <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

My imagination is just running wild of all the crap he could do. But, I am tired of being bent over and told to keep a smile on my face.

I am scared that he will just call this retaliation, but it is not me doing it now, he put it out there for everyone. Heck, OWH's was paying my WH to fix something at the business, I am sure this is not what he intended to pay for.

Why would this scare you? What does it matter what he calls it? Does a crack addict like it when you turn on the light? There is no way he will like being exposed, Jean. There is no way to make him like it. He will be FURIOUS and will call it much worse than "retaliatory." But that is ok. It will hopefully serve a blow to the affair. Your marriage can survive a little anger, it can't survive an affair.

Well you can't worry to much over what he says about it. Its all fog talk.

Heck my WH said to me when I exposed was " I don't think what is happening between us anyones business. This is between us and you should not have told our friends.This is something that should have been kept secret." So I said to him, " And just how did you plan on keeping it secret, when you moved from our home and moved in with the skank?" " You take her out in public and even to Wal-Mart and people have seen you and then called me." He said " Well you still didn't have to tell." I was blown away by this. I mean how did he expect no one not to know when he moved in with her and went in public... See what a fogged mind does to you ....It was like they were invisable and no one would see them....

And ty for for your nice words. I feel things will turn out ok for me. He is still attached and very confused right now. I will be ok however this turns out....

He asked me if it was going to be a problem if she joined in on family celebrations <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Everyone knows but OWH, my family, his family, friends etc all know. So since she is coming for Christmas-where was she going to tell she H she was??
And if it is a green card marriage, then he won't really care anyway, right?

I would think that this being a green card marriage would be just enough insentive to not indulge in and Affair..

I mean good heavens just the fear that immagration could be called and told whats going on would be enough for me to back off someones husband. Of course I would never take anyones elses husband.. I have more morals and respect than some sleeze....

Plus wouldn't her H get in trouble for getting married for that reason? heck I would think that would be an ace up your sleeve..... IMHO

Yeah, and WH has begged me not to cause her any trouble. Perhaps he should have walked away then, considering how much he cares for her Hmmmm??

I figure OWH needs to cover his legal areas, he might need to divorce her to protect himself, I don't know how this stuff works.

Expose !!! That is your best chance at this point to break it up. The OWH hopefully can help you.

Like Mel says - Your marriage can survive some anger, it can not survive an affair. (us BS are so very lucky to have such talented posters here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Give me an E - Give me an X - (my lame try at cheerleading)

Best regards - carnation

Jean36,

WTG, I feel you are doing the right thing! You have nothing to lose at this point, right? Ignore his smart comments, like the family celebrations remark. Hold your head up and do what you know you need to! Best of Luck!

Thanks carnation and nay-nay. I do appreciate the support.

Hi, Jean.

I won't cheerlead, but I will ask you a simple question.

Do you want to support the affair, or expose it for the offense it is?

It's like all cheaters being liars. You can't be one and not be the other.

You either support an affair or you don't. Exposing it is a sure fire way NOT to support it.

All the best,
Gimble

Would you fear the anger of someone who was trying to hurt yoru kids after you warned the neighbourhood about them ?

Well get this - OW wants to hurt your kids !

Exposure is RIGHT, and empowering.
Do NOT apologise for it afterwards however angry WH gets.

" I will do whatever I think is best for my marriage and our family. It was not my intention to hurt you.

You must do what you think is right too".

or something like that.

I'd be divorced now without exposure I have no doubts.

all blessings

I am working on fog babble replies. But since I am not the one exposing (my mom is), I figure I will have a minute to collect my thoughts when he confronts me.

I guess my fear is, that I don't know all the possible repercussions to OW and OWH. And why don't I know this, because he has never been honest. At first, he wouldn't tell me where she worked (her business was a customer of his) because he said if I caused her trouble, she and her H would "lose everything". Then the whole green card marriage came out and he begged me not to turn her in. I am just not sure what the real deal is. He has said they own the business-that is not true. My mom has been doing business there for 20 years!

Truth is, it is probably not a green card marriage. She is probably betraying her H with this A and my WH does not want her to have to answer for it.

I guess OWH could harm my WH, but "Killed by the slut's H" would be a suitable epitaph.

He tried to appeal to my maternal side, saying I don't want to rip up OWH's family (he has children but they are not OW's). I am not the one destroying families here! I have clearly stated that I have NO conflict of interest and that I will not sacrifice my children's well being to protect his mistress. If he has a conflict of interest-that is his issue.

But I am going out of town for the evening, sorry I'm going to miss this fun.

Jean, have you told your H about the intended exposure ?

No, not at all. I am trying to be the carrot, be calm and reasonable re the kids. That is really all we have discussed in the past week.

Jean -

Good Morning. First, thanks for your good words earlier. Why is your Mom doing the exposing?

And if your WH gets beat up by OWH, that is probably b/c he deserved it. That was my concern too, OWH in my case is described as a "wife beater and lunatic". Has my H gotten beaten up? NO. OWH paid him a visit at his workplace and that was it.

I wanted to protect my H. I have no idea why now.

WH and OW are the ones breaking up Marriages and doing all the harm. WS just cannot take responsibility for their actions. I have learned that finally.

HUGS TO YOU!

Kimberly

As far as my Mom, it really is the strangest thing. My WH is having an affair with a woman who works at a place that my mom does business. My mom didn't know about the A until this past Monday when she babysat for me so I could visit the lawyer. My WH ran into my stepfather and casually told him that he had moved out and lived on that side of town now.

So it seems perfectly reasonable that my parents would not want to support the business of the home wrecking troll. She has to pick up some stuff there today and will let them know why they have lost her as a 20+ year customer. Mom is pretty sure she knows which one is OWH. And she has a long standing relationship with the owner-he has worked with her on church stuff.

It all just sorta falls into place very neatly. And I don't have to be the "irrational wife" causing trouble for the OW. I have confronted her, but it was at my WH's hotel, if she had not been there-I wouldn't have known who she was. I have not entered her place of business. I have not called her H.

But my mom was horrified to learn that she had been finacially enriching the homw wrecker life with her business. Plus, my mom just likes to stir up trouble <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
And I am chicken <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />