As you all know, I kicked WH out AGAIN 4 or 5 weeks ago, due to his continued contact with OW and the LIES, LIES, LIES!

He tells me that he is writing up a PLAN for us......so that I don't have to worry anymore about him when he is not with me. He says he wants to live the rest of his life with me.

But, from what he has told me of his plan, all he is planning is things for us to do in our spare time.....vacation plans and such.

I am not in a strict Plan B......WH would just drive me crazy like all the times before. I make no moves to call or contact him. He said he feels unwanted (kind of like I have felt for the last 4 years).

Pretty much, all I hear from him is "blah, blah, blah". I am so far not impressed with his efforts. His constant expressions (words) of love for me do not impress me. Again, blah, blah, blah.....

I do not expect him to help heal the wounds his A has caused me. I am doing that for myself.

Well, I don't remember what I was going to ask. I think I have answered my questions just reading what I have written here.

He's never going to "get it". He's never going to quit trying to sweep his A under the rug. I don't know if I would ever be able to trust him again. And he has never offered to quit his job.

So, apparently, our M does not mean as much to him as his blah, blah, blah says.

So, why am I writing this? Too much paint fumes? Too much blah, blah, blah?

Or is it that I am just feeling "pi$$y", and need to vent?

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and BTW, he is still staying at a friends house....I have not asked him to come back home.........

K..

Is it possible that the superficialness of filling time...and such in your opinion is really all or how your husbands knows about creating a good marriage...

Is he..
Was he so lacking in real marital Godly role models of what a marriage to be is that his ignorances is NOT born of laziness or disinterest but born of true ingnorance and lack of knowledge....

K is he trying the best to his abilities...which on a level may be shallow...because that is all he really knows....

K...while I am NOT suggesting you settle for anything less...my question to you is that is the iron hot enough for you to strike on serious marriage learning workshops...
Catholic churches have a program as do Christian programs...
etc........
especially the one through this site...

Is it time to guide him towards substance...as he offers fluff?

A man willing to take time off to vacation..
should be just as willing to take time off to reflect and learn.........and spend the money...

ARK

When he gives you his list or whatever, give him the following:

1. Steve's phone # for some phone counseling.
2. A copy of His Needs/Her Needs (by Dr Harley).
3. Let him know you have boundaries to implement and will let him know about them after his sessions with Steve and when you feel safe enough to give it to him.

Know that you should implement those boundaries when you are ready to accept all the consquences of that decision.

JMHO,
L.

Good morning (drip, drip.....it's raining)

Ark, WH used to be a VERY Godly role model of a H.....but has stepped so far away from God, that his road and his guide for a good H is seems to have disappeared. I feel in this matter he is truly lost.

He told me a while back that he "gave up a good relationship for us". So, my thinking is that his model for a good M is one where there is NO conflict, and the little woman just does his will, and is there for him in cheating and lies, deceit and sub-standard behavior.

I cannot change him......"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Well, only one.....but the light bulb has to want to be changed."

I guess if he really wants to change our M below the surface, he is going to have to pay the money.....to get some guidance. To look what is below the surface.....to have his eyes truly open.

Orchid.....he knows one of my boundaries already.....that I will not live in the way I have lived this past year and a half.

WH didn't like SH's coaching because he was being "pushed".

SH told me that this is typical.....just like an addict going to rehab......if they like it, there's something wrong ....the rehab is like going to summer camp instead of getting to the real problem.....the addiction.

Dealing with REAL problems is never fun or easy, but if you really want it to work, you have to get your "hands" dirty.

I still hope for some "non-surface" work with WH......and hopefully the fluff is not all that he thinks M really is...that there is something better to be had.

But first, he has to WANT to "get it".

Ark and Orchid.....thanks.....your points are truly taken to heart.

K

(((((((Hi K))))))
So how did your painting turn out? Is your house totally red now? I'm glad you have some distance, and can recognize blah, blah, blah as just that. I think its gonna take your WH time to get it. He's had his way for so long, to give in won't be easy. I think what you've been doing is plan A'ing while he has been out of the house...but not for him for YOU! I think its great. Your quality of life has improved. He has noticed or he wouldn't even try the blah, blah.

I guess the question I have is...Do YOU still want the marriage? Or is your love bank totally empty? You've got him at least trying to think and still control the situation. I think a well timed plan B might just push him over the edge. And help him realize he needs to relinquish controls if he wants you. M on your terms, NC>>>NO OW.

It sounds like your doing just fine without him...is that what you want?

Hi K! Where have you been? Still painting? Is WH still out of the house? Hope you are doing well.