Long story short- I have wanted a dog now for 10 years, gave h plenty of time to warm up to the idea. I have now found one that made my heart soar. I have reserved him and am to pick him up on Sunday. H is telling me he does not like the idea, and if I chose to continue down that path then I am choseing a dog over our marriage. I have discussed this with my father and all he says is to follow my heart. I want to respect H's wishes, however I do not stop him from getting things I do not want that he does, I do my best to support him in everything he wants to so (Motorcycle, hunting, fantasy football, golfing, a boat). Our children are now at an age where they would benifit greatly from a pet, and I fell in love with this dog at first sight- like he was ment to be ours. So do I continue on with getting the dog and risk my H leaving me, or forever useing it against me, and risk him filing for a divorce, or do I call his bluff? I love my H as all of you know, and have done anything and everything (sometimes too much) for him. Now I am wondering... am I just asking for trouble? All comments and 2x4's are welcome, anything to help me with this please. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

risk is everywhere

what principles do you chose to live by?

Can you pick the dog up today??

ARK

No I can not, so are you telling me to get the dog? What do you mean by what principals do I live by?

H did tell me to start looking for a new place to live, which I did this morning, but I feel so horrible today, insides are shakeing

KMEJ, IMHO you are looking for excuses to leave your H. You don't need excuses. BTW, if you are looking for a place to rent it is harder to do with a dog.

What principles do you live by ....


is it every man/woman for himself?

is it I won't do anything scary without being pushed?

is it I will ask others to make most of my important decisions for me?

is it I will not decide things until there is an emergency?

you know ... how do you operate from day to day?

I love him to much, I truely do not want to leave him. That is one of my faults

Pep- I do not know why but I look for reassurence in pretty much all that I do- so the way my H is with me is most likely my fault...

here is what your husband says to you about the dog....

if I chose to continue down that path then I am choseing a dog over our marriage.

is that a rational statement ?


here are the outcomes you visualize... if you get a dog...

1. risk my H leaving me

2. or forever useing it against me,

3. and risk him filing for a divorce

fear based principles vs partnership principles..which require some sort of partnership to exist...

if you don't get a dog...

1. there is no risk of your husband leaving you

2. there is no other thing he will use against you

3. there is no risk of him filing for a divorce.

are those true statements ?

ark

ok

so is one of your guiding principles

Do not leave my husband no matter what

?????

ARK- no they are not true statements, he will still talk about leaving me, and useing things against me.. That statement I think is a blanket statement used to keep me paralized with fear, as he knows how badly I want to prevent a failed marriage.

what type of marriage is a fear controlled based marriage ?

it is my opinion that you are better served by a dog than by your husbands current state....

infact I encourage you to get a really really big dog


ARK

all right that last post of mine was a little over the top..

kmej..
give me your husbands five top reasons for not wanting a dog

KMEJ,
Let me be the first to point out that this has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH A DOG.

The dog is just the catalyst, almost like symbolism, if you will.

I can pull this apart in a million different ways, but it's whats going on inside you that counts.

The dog represents unconditional love, support, comfort, play, without walking on eggs trying to determine the path that will least rock the boat.

Do you choose your hearts desire (i.e. love, support, acceptance for who you are), the "dog" that's right for your "family"......

or do you NOT get the "dog", remain unhappy, alone, insecure to make your H at least happy for today, at the expense of the rest of your "family".

Please sweetie...this isn't about a dog.

I'm with Ark on this one..... but of course a dog will not provide the financial security your family may need. Then again a WS may not either. In that arena, it c/b a pretty close call.

What about the other areas? Well right now with the H not being an H, the dog or any other lovable pet could rate much higher.

Is that what your H is afraid of? Finding out a pet is capable of making his family happier than he can? Maybe you ought ot ask him.

If he can so easily discard a family for an A or a pet, then you just have to wonder back at him, what you are all really worth to him.

I recommend reverse babbling back those points to him.

BTW, I like puppies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Your husband treatens to divorce you over a dog?

I think that speaks volumes about the value he places on your marriage.

Jeez.


Get three dogs.

He says his reasons for not wanting a dog is simply because he does not like them, he thinks they stink and they will pee every where- he never had one growing up, but loved them when he was younger at other peoples houses- so I am not sure what the hatred is all about.

As for reverse babble I have been trying but to be honest I suck at it and could use some suggestions!!!

Yes divorce over a dog, I do not get it. I have been home almost two hours and so far he has said nothing to me- I am decorateing my sons birthday cake (Spiderman) for his super hero training camp he is having tomorrow (me and a girl friend and 13 kids- man am I out numbered!!!!)

Dogs are great judges of character...and they don't like aliens much...they can sniff them out a mile away.

It seems like he is using this dog as another way to control you. And as an excuse to threaten you...place the blame squarely on you...that makes as much sense as.."If we had blue bath towels I'd be in a better mood and I wouldn't have to divorce you."

I know this isn't about a dog, but I just have to ask,

What kind of dog are you thinking about getting on Sunday?

(((KMEJ)))

I'm going to cast a "no" vote on the dog. Why? Because I fear that the dog will be abused and no animal deserves to be abused when all they want to do is provide unconditional love that us humans can't understand.

While I agree with all the others that this is yet another controlling abusive behavior by your husband and would love to recommend that you go against it and stand up for yourself, bottom line is that right now you can't provide safety for the dog.