Hopefully one with large teeth and that is incredibly protective of Momma and kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All kidding aside...that thought occurred to me as well.
Not by you K ....by WH

Reverse babble:

WS: I don't want a dog. They stink, pee all over, cost $ and I don't like them.

BS: Ok, I hear you. Now will you hear what I have to say?

WS: (relunctantly).... ok.

BS: Please listen with the same intensity and attention I gave you. Can you do that?

WS: ok.....

BS: Thank you. Now as for your concerns.....they c/b valid. Without training and good hygiene, that dog could stink, pee all over and cost $. Then again, as a WS you have stunk up our family name, cost us lots of $$$$, stressed us out and made recovery viturally impossible.

On the other hand, the dog will bring, love, compassion and support to this very battered family. What do you plan to bring to our family. We are in desparate need of love, attention, care, loyalty and consideration.

WS: Well, uh.... uhm.... I don't know what I can do right now.

BS: Ok, well the dog is ready to give the love and support right now. So if you were to pick someone who is ready but needs a bit of love, food and training vs one who 'doesn't know'.....which one would you pick?

WS: Well uh.... uhm.... I don't know.

BS: Then leaving it up to you would just leave us in the same state of I don't know that you are in right? Besides the kids would really learn some important lessons in life here. I am hoping we both want them to learn something more than how to deal with a WS, right?

Ws: Well uh.... uhm.... I guess.

BS: Ok, thanks.

WS: ... uh.... does that mean you will be getting the dog?

BS: Oh, thanks...... I am glad you understand.

Howz that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Here's what you do, KMEJ:

Get the dog. Train it to pee on your H's clothes, his motorcycle, his boat, his tools, and when your H is sleeping, have it pee on your H. Give the dog extra treats if it goes "number two" in any of the above places.

With any luck, it'll send your H over the edge and he'll file for D. You've proven time and time again that the M is not worth saving, so does it really matter who files??

Okay, that was a bit over the top, kinda like ark (who, I thought, was quite witty).

I know you want a dog, but do you really think now is the time to get one? Your life is a total mess. Check any animal shelter's guidelines on adopting a pet and they'll tell you that in your sitch, you should wait. In fact, if I were a shelter worker and knew of your sitch, with abusive H, there is no way I would let you adopt an animal.

BTW, I have always wanted a dog. When I was a kid, my folks said no, can't have one. I swore I'd get one once I was on my own.

I got a job and my own place, couldn't get a dog because very few landlords would allow one. I swore I'd get one once I got a house.

My H and I bought a house, now aren't getting a dog because we both work full-time, we like to go out and do stuff on weekends that can sometimes be difficult with dog in tow. So no dog for us now. We do have two cats - they pretty much take care of themselves.

Now I swear I/we will get a dog when I/we retire. And I'm sure something will come up that wil preclude us getting one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I figure I will eventually get a dog, though. It will probably be a service animal -- maybe a seeing eye or hearing ear or wheelchair assistance dog for when I'm too old, blind, deaf, or feeble to help myself. I envision a female Yellow Lab named Goldie or Sunshine or something similarly happy. She will lick my face and I'll scratch her behind the ears. She'll have a club for a tail and knock stuff off the coffee table. And life will be good.

Think about it, KMEJ. Dogs are like children that never grow up.

I agree with GBH. You have three kids that you have sole responsibility for and your life is unstable. That is not the environment to bring a dog into. Are you ready to spend the necessary time disciplining and training a dog when you are working two jobs?

KMEJ,

Please, please, please rethink your decision to get a dog. I am VERY concerned that your WH will eihter 1) abuse the dog or 2) physically or verbally abuse you for getting the dog against his demands. As others have said, no dog deserves that, much less you.

Now, that aside, please read the following comments with the understanding that I absolutely love dogs and have 2, 100+ dogs of my own, who I love to death - yes, they can stink up the house, ruin furniture/floors/carpets simply by being dogs. Mine leave oodles of hair everywhere. No matter how well they are trained (mine are both extremely well-trained - to the tune of thousands of dollars) they can and will have accidents or will throw up which stains. My heart will break the day I lose my two sweeties, but they will not be replaced for exactly the reasons I listed.

Regards,

BB

To answer the above question about what kind, it would be a black minature schnauzer, and the boys are toying with the names
Sebastian
MacGyver (Mac)
and QB (short for Quater Back- my son is in to football)

I thought of the abuse thing too- and to be honest I am a little concerned as well. I do not think he will, but will be cautious....

Reverse babble- I will try it. Thanks

IMHO - RED FLAG. My mother, father, and both sisters have minature schnauzer, while they are wonderful dogs they also have a very active disposition. The males are very playful and again I'd fear that it would play with your hubby and he'd give it a boot, heck maybe just to piss you off.


I don't share your optimism on this and again wouldn't risk an innocent dog to prove a point. I think if your husband has proved one thing it's that he's capable of doing many things you didn't think he would.

Perhaps a nice rottweiler would be a better choice.

They are good with kids and very protective.

Also, they can handle themselves in almost any adverse situation.

I thought of the abuse thing too- and to be honest I am a little concerned as well. I do not think he will, but will be cautious....

kmej...
get your own place for you and your children...and eventually your new puppy......

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

no one should live with concerns that they or a dog could be a target of violence

I vote for MacGyver. My fav show!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

KMEJ,

Your post screamed a bunch of things out to me.

1. You so desperately want something to love that can show you ANY kind of affection back.

2. You think this dog might actually spark a divorice, clearing your pathway out of the marriage.

3. You are afraid of alot of things, including your husband.

---At what point are you no longer going to operate out of fear? Do you ever watch the teenybopper horror shows? The ones where you yell at the DUMB GIRL for going back inside to get her purse? This is what your posts feel like...you are that girl. EVERYONE is advising you against this guy, and if you read each of the members posts, they are all incredible about posting for people in positive fashions for saving the marraiges, in the face of adultery... but, in your case, well... I wouldn't move out... I'd call the cops on him. He can move. Jail cells make nice places for wife-beaters.

Orchid- I love that show too, and actually have all the episodes (can you say dork!!) MacGyver is one of my favorite names, it is sophisticated, yet can be shortened to Mac when in need! Or Gyver as my DS2 calls the show (we still watch it) I grew up with a black min. Schnauzer since I was 5. My parents (now divorced) each have a schnauzer still, as do my brother and sister. I have yet to speak to my H today about the dog as he is currently upstairs taking a nap, and I have to leave again for work in a half hour, so who knows if we will talk again- I still intend to get the dog- and I do believe that most of you are right that I mainly want this dog to get some of my EN's met. I am taking all of your posts under advisement and will think hard tonight while I am at work and after before I make my final decision.

As for having H move out, we would both have to move as neither of us can afford this house with out the other- a very sad sad day for my boys who have so many friends in this neighborhood.

Ark- just went back and read your post, not sure how I missed it earlier. You make a great point. WHen H told me to get a new place I started looking today- got that all too familiar feeling of nausua and my insides shaking I was so nervous. I really do not think H would do anything to the dog- he may want too, but doubt that he would.

KMEJ

What will you do if the dog bites you and is vicious?

This is not a joke question.

TA

I TOTALLY get where you are going with this ... and you are sooooooo right on.

Also, what will you do if the dog bites you and growls at you in front of your children?

KMEJ

Further to my last post...

A dog is an animal that needs to be trained, controlled and taught respect. Without that discipline, a dog can be a neighbourhood nuisance who runs wild and frightens children.

This takes an owner with a capacity for authority and taking hard decisions (being firm with the dog when it's misbehaving), and for being consistently firm over long periods. It takes an owner who can bear the puppy's sad eyes and 'reproach'.

Loving the puppy is not all it takes, you do understand that? Dogs need a certain amount of tough love, if they are to avoid being terminated by the local police force.

If you struggle to demonstrate that with your H, what confidence do you have that you could 'raise' a dog?

A dog is more like your H than like one of your kids.

TA

/ouch

Same c/b said for the WS, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi KMEJ,

I'm sad to see that you're still in limbo.

Nothing to do with your husband and him possibly abusing the dog, but it is generally not a good idea to bring a pet into a household unless everyone agrees to it. That dog would sense that your husband doesn't want him.

You usually describe your life as incredibly busy, so what time will you have to train a puppy? Puppies and young dogs are also very unhappy if they're left alone all day.

This dog idea is perhaps a good one for later, once you've found your security in yourself, and your sons have grown enough to help you with the dog. Even then, it would be wiser to get the puppy in late spring, so that it can ajust to the household while your sons are home for summer holidays.

KMEJ, don't add another responsibility to your load right now.

I'll keep hoping that you find the strength to change your life. On the other hand, maybe your husband will tire of this life and decide to go... what will you do then? It would definitely be easier for you to choose when it's still up to you. Good luck to you and your sweet tornadoes!