What is so hard about Plan B?? Isn't it better than what I have now, which is nothing? I think I have been in Plan A too long. 4 months. WH really wants to be single and have a wife and that just can't happen. He really thinks he can spend half his time at the office and in the city partying and half his time home being a Dad. HA...it can't happen any more. Who is this selfish jerk of a man??

I am trying to find just the right time to give my letter. I will pack his stuff and give him his bag and the letter to him.

I am hurt and angry. For myself and my kids. How dare he. How dare me!! What kind of person am I that I have been letting all of this BS to happen.

Time to take control. If anyone would like to offer support I would really appreciate it.

Come on Plan B people...let's not be afraid!! We deserve better!

Quote :Isn't it better than what I have now, which is nothing


Welcome to reality. It will only get better from here.And for many it may be the only way to salvage a marriage after a failed Plan A

Planb is scary and I will admit I have failed at it a few times already...

I may put myself way back in progress because of it to. I am now in the mind set not to fail again. For the weeks I didn't fail I was feeling better and doing better. But with my failure a few days ago it has set me back emotionally and probably time wise in the A ending.

I have no doubt the A will end, its just a matter of time now. I have to learn to live my life and not be comsumed by my WH and OW. Definatley easier said than done....

I will make it and it may be babysteps to get there but I will...

I agree it is easier said than done. I am so ready, yet so scared! But why??? I am sad.

I don't even know if my WH has OW anymore. He just doesn't want to commit to our marriage. I think because he wants to tell himsef he is single so just in case someone comes along.

My H was the best. I feel so sad that he has turned into this WH.

I hope he comes back. I am sure I will be fine without him, but I can't totally convience myself of that! And what about the kids? How sad for them, especially the 8 year old.

I'm rambling, I know. Feeling blue and trying not to! Just ordered chinese food for DS15, DS8 and myself.

(((Lost)))
Aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!
Why do they have to make it so difficult! I understand your fears about plan B. They say actions speak louder than words your WH isn't saying much but his actions are screaming!!

I don't know the right time for plan B but the way I see it...
*If you continue as things have been going your love bank will be beyond empty.

*You need to be respected in your own home. He is using you as a nanny, cook, bookkeeper, laundress....not treating you as a wife.

*You have done a good plan A.

*He is still fence sitting and not committing to M.

*They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. You need a new outcome.

*He needs to grow up.

*You and your children will grow and thrive without all this stress and chaos.

You are in my prayers...keep posting.

((( Lost )))

Detaching seems to work real good for me. It really was not something I did on "purpose". All the crappy A things kept piling up and piling up. Pretty soon (ok, it was quite a while) I just couldn't take it anymore. For my own sanity I started to detach from him and the chaos surrounding his A.

Plan B will feel good to you, I really think it will. It will be time for him to start missing you and appreciating you. You will feel a calm come over you. Really. Plus - everyone will be here for you. You will not be alone.

NHL starts soon <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best regards - Carnation

{{{{{Lost}}}}}}

I just read a post where Mortarman refers to PLAN B as being "simple but not easy". How true! How true!

I am in PLAN B and I miss my H and my 'family life' very much everyday.

WH may look the same and sounds the same as H, and so I need to remind myself of this every time, unless of course, one is addicted to pain, because you can count on that from a WH.

PLAN B for me is simple: N/C with WH unless OW is out of the picture.

PLAN B is hard because it's grieving the loss of many things - family, partner in life, a way of life; it demands a lot of discipline - how not to be tempted back into chaos; it forces to 'face' yourself as you never have before.

I find PLAN B hard but peaceful.

But you are right, it is scary. It's choosing the "unknown" over the "known", but when the 'known' is becoming intolerable/unacceptable, then you will have the courage to choose the 'unknown' because you have 'nothing' to lose.

You have my support, and I do think wanting to take 'control' of your life is a better basis for PLAN B than 'hurt and anger'.

Lost how are you?

Hi Lost,

I don't think that I posted to you before, but it is so true about plan b! I just separated and limited communication alot, Steve Harley even said that plan b wasn't for me, h was probably not still in A and this was long after what proof I did have...but the separation was VERY peaceful!

The 1st week i was MAD (he had lied to me again)...the 2nd week I as sad...the next 2 months were actually very nice! I had more work to do around the house, but DD15 really came thru (I think that she felt more mature and liked being relied on). I had to worry about "what if" as far as finances ( i only work very pT and mostly am SAHM). But I slept very well, and thought long and hard about MY future!

Good Luck Lost, hope all is well.
jls

Lost,
How are you? What do you have planned for the weekend?

Hi Lost -

Just wanted to offer my words of encouragement. I too was at the point very recently where I was just fed up. I couldn't take it anymore. Plan B looked much more appealing than coming home to the turmoil of life with WH.

It is scary, but consider it as a time for focus on you and your family. Do some things FOR YOU.

Plan something special for you and your kids to do together!!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
Trying to get WH out of the house.

Plan B was the thing that helped me recover the most. It was just so nice not to go through anymore uproar and drama. It was nice not thinking about "them", but working on me instead.

I would echo Believer's comments. These last 18 months in Plan B were hard but I couldn't imagine them in Plan A with it's rollercoaster

The scariest thing about Plan B is the thought that WH won't miss me. He will be glad to have me out of his life and be able to live like a single man without any hinderance.

How are you Lost? Still thinking about plan B?