Well folks If you have read my post from B4 My D day was 4-5 weeks ago. WW could not stop contacting OM. I kep up with the love nad support (none of which was fake) I love her very much. She had made a very deep emotional attachment with OM. She lied to me after D day several times about contacting him. I just kept saying lets just move on. I am a very emotional guy and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Well I did get upset about a week ago and said some negative things which she got upset about. I know she has been trying really hard. SHe finally I started opening up to me and told me even she said she was going to work on our M she still feels she wants to be with him. Of course this kills me to think the woman I love wants to be with some one else. I have told her that the state she was in she could have attached herself to anyone who fulfilled her EM and that person should have been me.

Well the LB is that she was feeling very down at work and she made up some excuse about Daughter sick and came home. Daughter called work B4 she got home and now W got in trouble at work. Today daughter got sick for real. Anyways at lunch today I was upset that she cant control her thoughts and she still gets down when she thinks about him or the A. I made negative comments about she should really go with a decision and stick to it. She should either forget him or us. Cant do both. Told her that beacuse of her lies about daughter probably why daughter got sick for real (Daughter has been sick on and off since Jan).
W says she has not contacted OM in a week or more. I have her cell Ph. I dont think she is lying. Wel she is at work and I am home w/dau. W is so upset and wants to be alone. I just hope nad pray she does not fall prey and call him. I told her to just come home and then she can take a walk ro sit on a park bench near home. I just dont feel comfortable her being somewhere that I dont know the thoughts will kill me.

OH I call on you Vets please tell me what I should do now.

I alos want to hear from other FWW to tell me what she is feeling right now and what she might feel in the coming days and weeks. She is committed to the M (I think) she is just so emotionally tangled up. I hate to see her like this. Widh I could take her pain away.

WA

wa, She is acting like someone who is still in contact.

As long as the OMW has not been notified, the chances of continued contact are great, because there is no one to watch from that end. The OM probably has no intention of leaving his wife and exposure might quickly end the affair. And as long as the OMW doesn't know, your W can hold out hope for a resumption as long as she is secretive enough.

I am not clear on what you feel was a lovebuster? Can you be more specific?

The LB was that at lunch she was telling me that she got in trouble at work for lying to come home early yesterday and she wanted support or words or encouragement from me. Instead I get mad at her for letting her emotions get the best of her and is now affecting her job. I have been very supportive of her...very and I dont think she was expecting that response from me about him or us. W said that instead of making it better for her regarding her work I made it worse by bringing up all this stuff. And making her feel bad about dau being sick.

I still dont think she is lying about the NC I think is holding her end of the bargain altough I never be sure.

WA

wa, even if you think that contact has been ended, which is doubtful, the OMW needs to be told. This buys extra insurance against a resumption of the affair. She also must be told the truth so she can protect herself and her children from your W and her H. She can't fix her marriage if she does not know the truth about her own life.

And perhaps you could have been more supportive about her trouble at work, but she should expect frank discussions about her affair. That will be a part of her life for some time to come.

Sure, it makes her feel bad to face the consequences of her affair, but she is a big girl and can take it. Don't protect her from the consequences of her shabby behavior. She should be willing to help you do what it takes to recover. The damage from the affair won't go away over night.

Hi w_a,


1st thing ~~ Are you sure she left work and came home yesterday?

Your poor daughter!! Hold her tight even in your pain!! You need to explain to your W in an constructive manner, that she is now teaching her daughter that it's okay to lie because mommy does. It's not okay!
And it's not okay to have an affair. I agree with Melodylane, OMW needs to know what has gone on.

Lady

The day W came home early she had lunch with a woman from neighbour comapny on some side jobs. After the meeting she didnt feel like going to work so she came home. Ofcourse I cant be absolutely sure about it all but all I can do is take her word for it. And I really dont feel she is lying about the NC so I am still putting aside the contacting the OMW yet.

Well last night W came to me after taking some time to herself after work and told me that she cannot get him out of her mind and that she cannot put me nad the kids thru this and that she is deciding to go with OM. I told her I was not surprised with her decision and I was expecting the words she was saying and we went thru the same scene and dialogue about it could have been anybody and the feeling of soulmate and all. Well we are going the rollercoaster as expected.
You guys were right boy this is hard. And to think its prob going to get worst.
I really believe W is trying and she is going thru the usual ofcourse she thinks she is the only one who has gone thru this and thats what I am trying to explain to her about a classic A situation.
BTW W knows I post here and I have told her I have nothing to hide. I hope my honesty does more good than harm.


Thanks Melody and Sheep
Sheep.....Since you are a FWS I would like to hear more on the stage to stage agony you went thru so I can under stand W better......THX

Csll yhr OWM today right away now.

wa, so what are your plans? Are you ready to get to work to save your marriage now?

p.s. if she reads your posts here, we won't be able to help you much, unless you are just going to give it all up without a fight. We can't help you strategize to end the affair if she is reading here. And folks who try to help you shouldn't be subjected to an angry WS.

"all I can do is take her word for it."

I was not going to post until I read this sentence. You cannot trust your WW at all now. Believe none of what you hear from her and half of what you see. Trust her at your peril.

"I really believe W is trying."

Not really.

As Mel says, what are you plans? What you have been doing is not working. If you want different result, expose.

Let us know if we can help.

Best.

Thanks UVA - I dont know if I have been painting a wrong picture about WW. This last week we have gone thru the up and down. We spent a ver y lovely weekend together(last week) and also yesterday with a friend and his kids. She told me at night that she did think about him during the day. I truly feel she is opening up to me about her feelings. I have told her even she wants to wake me up at 3am to have me hold her because she was feeling down. Guys I did not post this thread because I felt WW was still contacting or lying but because I thought LB by bringing up the wrong ting at the wrong time. WW has been conveying her grievance and emotions even it has been hard for me to hear and take in. At this moment I want to know if this the turning point and what can I expect from here. I think she is going thru widhrawal or in the early stage of it. WW does get down and has been on my request begun to speak the words that is ailing her. Dont you think that is a sign of turning the corner.

As always I value your opinions heavily and dont know what I would do w/o you guys. I just wanted to kinda paint the pic str8 so we are on the same page.

W_A

WA, I must be missing something. Didn't your W tell you yesterday that she had "decided to go with the OM?"

Melody,
Yes that is correct.......I was not surprised to hear that. She made that comment after the lunch fiacsco where I made the comments about her lying about the Dau. I had basically blew up on her (hence my LB). WW has been more open about her emotions even it is hard to say and hear. Thats where I am saying she is coming around the corner. W had been quite nad illusive about contacting OM before but now I can see her being more open. Before W would not even mention her feelings about the OM.

I dont know I am so confused. This morn while in one of our conversations W got frustrated and said 'Why dont you just let me go, Its so hard'. We discussed it further and I again explained the situation that had lead to the A and that she was not the only one feeling like this and is not the only one that has felt this way. When W makes these statements I am not surprised and just tell her that the feeling is not going to go away by turning off the switch. I know it is going to be a long journey.

Am I making sense or just babbling on.................

WA, the way to fight this affair is to contact the OMW and expose the affair.Itis very likely the OM is simply using your W for a little side action. If his W finds out, he will dump your W like a hot potato. Exposure is the best weapon you have in your arsenal. Exposure is ruinous to affairs. If you don't do that, there isn't much we can do to help you save your marriage.

Please listen to Melody. What you are doing is enabling the affair to continue by not exposing it to the OM's wife. When he dumps your wife she will most likely realize that she was used and he is no longer her white knight. This is the major tenet in marriagebuilders. How can you not see the validity in this? All you are doing is feeding her emotional fantasy allowing her to think the OM is the love of her life. The sad part is apparently your wife is not the only one in a fog. It is time to stop being so afraid.