He don't have a HR dept. It's just a house where 7 people work. It's owned by a guy who runs the service with the 6 others. And like I said, they could care less.

I found out more info on OM. He's been married twice, lives over in the Cape Girardeau Missouri area as does one of his ex wives. The other wife lives in Carterville Illinois. He has 2 kids, one by each woman and seems to have custody of one of them. She told me one of this wives cheated on him and that his other marriage had "issues" which she has no clue about. I started asking her if any of that info bothered her because he's failed at marriage twice and he's not evne told her exactly where he lives. All she has is a cell phone number and where he works. Something is fishy if you ask me. He don't talk about his ex's very much or why she cheated and what the issues were that ended the marriage. I told her to be careful and she needs to watch out because I bet those "issues" are still around and she said she was stressed out enough already. I asked her to see it from my eyes and from our sons eyes. Being uprooted from his home and me betrayed.I asked her to see our stress. I told her I was not mad, just oncerned and that I love her and forgive her. She said I was acting like I thought she was being selfish and I said yes, you are. You don't think of others before you act. Any ideas?

ok, see if you can find a town and address and phone # for him in Missouri on www.zabasearch.com. Where do his parents live, do you know?

I got his cell phone number and I can get his plate numbers off his car if that might help. I know he's 30, if I could just get his middle name or inital I think I might have found him. I just don't have the resources to find out more. Such as parents names and ex-wives names. I'd really like to talk to them. Find out some stuff.

I just went past her job on the way to lunch and he was there. This is killing me, I broke down as soon as I seen him. I called her (which was probably a mistake) and asked what was going on. She was silent. I asked if he was there with her she said no, which I think is a lie. This is killing me. I made a dr appt for wed for the depression but I'm not sure how long I can hang on. How can someone be so selfish and petty? I'm hurting so bad, I've never been affected like this. never had so little control over my emotions, they are consuming me. Should I go to her job and confront both of them?

A part of me wants to kill him, I mean really get my hands around his neck and choke the life from him. Another part of me wants to just let her go, it's so mad at her for doing this to her family. Taking our son from his home and then doing what she pleases not careing who gets hurt as long as she gets what she wants. But I love her so damn much and just want her to come home. I love her and I do want this marriage to work. This has been the hardest week of my life and I don't know if I can survive another one.

TRy and get as much information about him as you can. I think if you have the plate # you can get an address, but I am not sure how. Others have done it here. I hope they see this.

Next time he is at work I will get the plate number. I should have done it when he was at my wifes job.

I talked to her just a few min. ago and asked her if she realized what this is doing to her son and me. Because if she did why would she be doing it? She's never once in our 7 years together been that heartless. Never. It's like she's a different person. It scares me and hurts me deeply. She gets upset when her faults or feelings are brought up. I just reminded her that I'm there for her. That I'm not doing anything bad, I'm honest and open, understadning and willing to forgive. She's the one with the secrets, not me. I'm not sure if playing on her guilt is good but it's all I had at the moment.

lost, its a good thing for her to see your pain, but ask yourself this: when you do that do you appear more or less attractive than the OM? Because I assure you he is not guilting her. So who do you think she would rather be around?

What did you find on zabasearch?

Got some good news. Seems a freind of mine got transffered to the ambulance service next door. He called me and told me he's known the OM for a little over a year and the OM came to my freind for advice on what to do not knowing he was my freind. There going to give me all the details about him and they support me and want him to lose his job. They want me to come over after work and talk with them and they are going to fill in some blanks. If I can expose all his faults to her and show all my postive traits I know possess that can only help. Seems he has some skeletons in his cloest. Time to rattle some chains.

He isn't married but I'd still like to find out who his ex's are and talk to them, find out about his relationships with them.

How do you know he is not married?

Secondly, DO NOT trash the OM to your wife. It will only make her defend him, do you understand? If you get some really bad info on him, you can very carefully pass that info on in a factual, straightforward way. But let us help you do it so it doesn't backfire on you.

When you say your friend "got transferred" that tells me this is some type of county business or privately owned chain? Where is their headquarters? Who owns this service?

Can you get OM's home address?

The people he works for have known him for over a year and he's not married. My friend works for another ambulance serice in another town and has known the OM for a year and a half. And yes, I have some bad info on him. Getting more tonight after work. And I may have spilled some beans because she is going out tonight and I think she is meeting him. She says she's not but right now I'm not much on believing her. I didn't tell her specifics. Just that I know some stuff and I want her to hear it from the people who know him best. I am getting his address tonight and will work on getting his ex's info as well. I'm sure they have some stuff to say. I might just give them my wifes number and have them call her if all goes well. Or whatever you guys suggest. All I know is I don't want her to resent me for exposing him. She thinks I'll do or say anything to get her back and it's not like that at all. So any advice would be welcome.

I'm heading over there to his job now. I'll tell you what I find out.

Well here is what I found out.

He is a sexually abusive peice of....well you get the jist.
He has 2 pending sexual harrasement suits against him right now, He's about to lose his job for alot of different stuff. And about to get relocated if he doesn't either quit or get fired soon enough. There are 3 girls at the local hosptial that he's left marks on and another he is harrassing to the point of her filing charges. He can't get a job in his area because everyone hates him and has a bad reputation. He's not allowed to see one of this kids because of abuse. His co-workers hate him and told me he is a womanizing [censored] who uses and abuses women then leaves them. He hurts them, physically and is proud of it. And it seems he likes to find women who are vulnerable and tells them what they want to hear. Very sad that he has to drive over 100 miles to a $7 an hour job beause he can't get work locally because of who he is. The cops here hate him and have actually warned women of him before hand. He's not had a relationship that's lasted more than a month. There is more I'll let you know later.

76er

I don't know how aware of this you are but it is very typical for a WS to "affair down". Almost everybody here can tell you what a loser OM/OW was. This doesn't fix your problem, yet. What it should do for you is revigorate your self-confidence. YOUR ARE THE BETTER MAN, so you can act like it. You should now have the self-assurance you need to properly Plan A your wife and attract her back to your marriage. I hope your not calling her right now with the information and begging her to come back to you. Begging will get you no where. Your wife will soon come to the realization that OM is such a loser because HE IS. However Melody directs you to relay this information be it a letter, email or through a 3rd party is how it should be handled.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

lost, why do you feel that his boss would not be interested in the fact that he is doing a married woman who lives next door? I think you should report him. It might be the straw that breaks the camel's back because no employer wants to deal with this.

And then tell your W about this. Just lay out the facts, no drama, no emotion; just here are the facts about your bf; don't take my word for it, verify it here:xxx.

Then make it clear that your boy is not be exposed to sleazeboy and would be better off at home with you. I would suggest getting a car and a job ASAP.

Please listen. You seem bent on doing what feels right to you. Obviously that has not worked so far. Please listen to Mel and Mr. Wondering, and maybe you'll save your M.

I do have a job, so that isn't an issue.

And yes his boss knows and all his co-workers are disgusted by him. Seems everyone that has come in contact with him hates him. He has no friends and the people he works with are doing what they can to get rid of him. The girls he's assaulted are willing to talk to my wife as are his co-workers. My friend that works with him is going to get his address for me. He has a history of stalking and abuse and that's why he's been divorced twice and don't have even joint custody of any of his 3 kids. One of which he can never be in contact with. 2 of the women he works with said he's an arrogant, abusive self centerned peice of crap. When he works they don't let him leave because they can't trust him. He's that bad. Just last week he was harrasing a girl at the hospital. She was on the phone with a police officer who called to warn her he was on his way there. The OM shows up and tries to get her attention, seems he's been hitting on her alot, and he was using lewd gestures. Well she ignored hima nd he walks over and grabs the phone, very roughly out of her hand and demands to know who she's talking too. The officer begins yelling at the OM and he hangs up on the officer. The OM then slams the phoen down and makes other lewd comments and leaves. She has filed a SH suit against him as well. Im talked to the night shift at the hospital and they all said he's disgusting.

I am comforted by all this. I know I am a much better man. I am just scared for her. I worry for the woman who has my heart, no matter how much damage she's done I still don't want anything bad to happen to her. I'm hopeing she'll see him for who he is and come back all that much sooner. She's not stupid, she's just confused right now and I'm partly to blame. But as I've said. I love her with all that I am and I will weather this storm. He will be exposed and I will shine in comparison.

Trust me, I have listened and at this point I am willing to do whatever it takes. I feel rejuvinated. The fact that I know I am leaps and bounds better than him give me a better outlook. The only thing right now is that I know she is with him out having a good time or whatnot and I am scared for her, upset as well.

After I expose him to her do you think she will resent me? Should I use a 3rd party instead? And should I contact him? I just want to tell him to butt out, I found out he was the one pursuing her, showing up at her job and whatnot. But the odd things is I'm glad I never caught on. If I'd have ended it before it came to thins I'm not sure I'd have woken up to who I was. It's because of this I have changed. Maybe I should thank him and her.

lost, she might resent you for telling her this, but that is ok. Just do it in a factual way with no drama and no recriminations, except when it comes to your son. Make it clear that he is not to be around your child. Give her names of these women and tell her to verify it for herself. It will be a tough line to walk, but do your best not to make her defensive. You probably can't avoid it, but the point is to make sure she gets this information.

Then, expose the fact that he is a sexual predator and abuser to her family, close friends, everyone you can think of. I would also suggest calling up his boss, even though you believe he knows. Just your call can give him a documented grievance against the OM. Ask him what he intends on doing about it.

And you didn't need to know all this to know you were a better man. You already knew you were better than a sleazebag who messes around with married women.