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WH has decided that now is a good time for us to refinance our house(we just did this 4 years ago & got a pretty good rate.). We can get a slightly lower rate and roll in some of our credit card debts(which actually would be nice to do I suppose).
I am currently not the least bit interested in doing something like that with him right not. I am just a few days out from starting Plan B with him and asking him to move out. I really just don't feel like doing something that would benefit him -
He asked if I could get all of my numbers together so we can see how much extra to refi for.
His name is currently not on the mortgage as the last time we refinanced he couldn't show steady income. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.
So, I am trying to figure out whether or not to go ahead and start this or put him off....Not sure what to tell him.
How about: "You know WH, that's great that you want to do this but really I am having a hard time with it based on your choices and actions over the last 5 months. I just really can't see myself doing anything like this with you right now."
Thanks!
Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
3rd exposure last week, getting ready for Plan B
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I LOVE THAT! You almost have me rolling on the floor with that one!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Kim, do you have any doubt that his purpose for refinancing is to a) get some cash in which to set up a pad with the OW and b) get his name on the deed so he can get have control over the sale? I doubt that his reasons have anything to do with your best interests.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'd hate to think that he is so evil. That could be a possiblity, but he has been complaining to me lately that he has to get a handle on his CC debt. He also picked up two books at the library last week about money matters.
I do feel like he could be a bit panicked about his name not being on the mortgage. Does that mean that I am the owner of the house right now even though his name is on the deed?
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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I am not sure. I would think since you are married that he would get 50% in most states anyway. I don't want to think he is evil either, but Kim, he has demonstrated that he is only concerned about his own selfish interests, at the expense of his own family.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did he run up credit card debt financing the affair?
If the answer to that question is yes, then I'd say, H, I love you, but the thought of taking the equity of our home to pay off debts you created in your affair will create resentment in me.
I would be happy to roll debt that we used for our household into a new mortgage, but I am not enthusiastic about paying for your affair.
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get his name off that deed! Even though the mortgage is in just your name, his name on deed means he is 50% owner of that home. YOu would have to go to an attorney and have a new deed done up in your name and your wh would have to sign it over to you. If you sell your house right now, he would get half of the sale. mlhb
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According to my W who is in the biz he would have spousal interest irregardless.
It does seem that it is an odd time for your H to want to become fiscally responsible after all WS's are not the most level headed. It is also quit possible that his CC debt is due to the A. Personally I would warn against anything that would free up any addtional funds for him.
Best of luck and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!
H - Mr. E
WW - Mrs. E
married 13 years
together 15
children 4,6,8(now with God),1
A exposed by OM 2/16/04
RECOVERY BEGUN 6/04
Fearlessly be yourself for there will be only one of you for all time!!
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