Another iceburg has hit here. During the night WH grandfather passed away. This is the man that I had been taking care of for the last year and a half. Wh hasn't called his mom told me this am. This was the last string holding me here. I have a meeting with a school counsler about finishing my degree and when I am done I plan on leaving the state. Most of this mess is really bad due to the fact WH family some of them have no idea what has happened. with me and him he is sure to show up with his tart in tow. I will attent the service but will have friends to contain me so I don't cause a scene.

Part of me loves my husband and wants to help him through this. But as long as he is the WH i can't he will have to suffer alone with his tart for comfort. His situation will not get better only worse more bills for him to pay and so on. He hasn't figured out that he is reaping what he has sown. He blames others still for his misfortune and not him self. He sees me as the enemy and I haven't done anything but try to save my marriage. I just don't know how things will go.

I have prayed for direction and guidiance and feel as though I am being told to hang on don't give up even though there is no light at the end of this tunnel now. I feel compelled to still hang on to my marriage but not to. The D papers have been sent my response has been sent. And part of me just wants it over. but something keps me hanging on . Why doesn't it just go away. I really wish it would but I am plaged by the feels that this is just temp. That he is coming back I just need to give him more time. But realisticly it is finished and I have accepted that. But why the nagging feeing that this is all wrong.

Dear Joanna,
I am so sorry for loss of your grandfather.
I don't have any advice, but I know somebody with more experience will respond to your post.
Who knows what makes us hang on. At one point before I found marriage builders, my husband and I had agreed on him moving out, and at the last minute, I instinctively told him I didn't want him to move. He was angry with me, but he stayed. My point is, sometimes we have to rely on our instincts, such as I did. If my wandering husband had moved out, he would have had unrestricted time to be with o/w to do all the things those wandering spouses do.

Take care of yourself,

Sincerely,
K.D.'s Heartbreak

It's pretty darn hard to think analytically in the middle of a panic-ridden emotionally hostile environment.

Attach yourself to the most emotionally stable friend you have ... ask that person to be your anchor and to stay by your side.

Place invisable duct tape over your mouth when in the vacinity of your WH. Say nothing. Just nod.

When you are bleeding pain and hurt .... rest, ask for help, and do not run around or thrash about ... it only increases the bleeding.

This will not last forever.

You will feel normal one day. I promise.

Accept you will not be perfect with your survival plan ... and that's OK.

Time to decide things is not in the center of the storm. That is the time to shelter and survive.

later on ... you will be more capable of the tough decisions.

Right now ... be very loving to yourself.

I try to be loving to my self and am doing well with plan b but the more I pull away it seems as though he tries to get in. Stuff like calling when he has been told not to make things up with the kids to have me speak to him just that kinda stuff. I am constantly remined by him of his OW even when I stay off the subject. I have no idea what else will happen my life revolves around work, kids and church. I am learning a bunch but it makes me feel bad sometime because my husband failed me and god.

I know his suffering is related to his failings as a husband and a father. But I still get the blame even though I no longer listen to it. I am tired and want peace but he won't allow it. There is a constanr irritation there and he keeps pushing. I sometime feel if I could move a thousand miles away I would get my peace that I long for. I pary for him everyday to no avail. He has turned his back on everything he held dear. But blames me cause he says he was living for everyone else but himself. Well I would like to know just who does he think I was living for. Did I run around sleep around have relationships with other men. No I took care of the house the kids his grandfather, him and bills as well. I was left alone and still did not wander. I am working on forgiving him but he always does something else to rubb his dirty little relationship in my face. And I don't have time for that I have a life and mine is pretty good. My bills get paid on time mostly. I have a good job and am even doing things I like to do. So I just wish he would leave me alone.

Joanna,

Sorry about your grandfather. Don't be afraid to let the family know about the A. His foolishness will show whether people say something or not. You keep your support around you to protect you and your family.

You sound stronger and seem t/b at a turning point. This is good progress but I also understand your frustration at your heart

Remember your mind and heart need t/b in sync. Sounds like it isn't quite yet. That is normal Read Pep's post again. It is encouraging. Your sitch is temp. His w/b permanent as long as he keeps it as an A.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and that is normal to feel this way. What you are going through is a new phase and this new territory feels strange and unstable. In reality you have more stability and focus already down pat. Remind yourself of your goals and plans.

If and only if the WS decides to shed his skin and come back showing by actions he wants the privilege to belong to your family (remember it is a privilege he lost), then and only then should you entertain the idea of his return. If he keeps blaming others and shares his anger, he needs t/b far away from you all.

JMHO. Quite proud of you.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

I agree completely we are going to visitation tomorrow but we will not attend the funeral. I have to work and can't get coverage for my vists. So we will make an appearence and if anyone asks I will tell the truth. He left me for her and I hope he is happy with his decision. I gain strenght evry time I turn. I am surrounding my self with family and friends tomorrow so I don't tear her limb from limb. To keep me on my best behavior. My revenge is coming. He is realising how poor he is and his car broke down for good he lost his under the table job so no extra and the 11th my child support order will be signed wage garnishment style. Is it wrong of me to get a little pleasure from his misfortune.

Joanna -

Hugs to you & will be thinking of you tomorrow. Stay calm and be the strong woman that you are. Sounds like you are doing just fine & getting better every day.

Still not easy, still hurts I am sure.

Blessings,

Kimberly

Hon,

You are not getting pleasure from your WS discomfort,you are only getting what you need for HIS children. Do not feel bad.

Feel good that you are doing the right thing for your children.

Okay, we will not talk about your evil twin. LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Nevertheless, I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather, and God Bless you that he had you to take care of him. You, my dear, are an honorable woman.

You are so awesome and worthy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Don't feel bad for doing the right thing for your children, or that you did the right thing for your/and your WS families.

Take care and gather those around you who can carry you through this.

And as for having the tart rubbed in your face, that is what plan B is for. I hope you can do this after laying grandfather to rest.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I have been in plan b for a few weeks now since WH went behind my back and filed for the D. will have noting to do with him like he is and I have a year to get this all straightened up then I sould have finished my degree and will relocate my children and I. They need a home a real home and they won't get that with me renting a place and being pulled back and forth. He seems to think 4 days a month is enough to be a father to the kids and he doesn't even bother with DD12 she is to angry and he doesn't want to hear it.

Sorry about his luck. I feel as if we move out of state that will relieve some of the pressure form DD12. she is so upset with everything and I think if we go somewhere else and have a fresh start it would be an improvement. She ststed yesterday that she thinkd her life is he!! and can't take much more. Everyone thinks she is rich but she isn't no one understands what her life is like and they just don't get it. I try to comfort her but it doesn't always work. She doesn't think it will ever get better. I am at a lose as to what else I can do. We have discussed a move before and she wasn't really happy about it. but maybe if we start over some where else I am thinking west she will be better. I just don't see much future here with all the intrusions on our lives and the other things he pulls.

Well Wh is late dropping off DD2 forgot to set his alarm yeah right. Not my problem. I am so disgusted with him and I am almost ashamed I married him it is bad enough going to this visitation at the funeral home but to have his tart in to we will make a quick vist and then leave. I can't deal with his junk today. My dd12 is upset enough for all of us then she will have to see him and her there as well. I am setting loose the dogs of war on him the sooner this is finished the better then I can move on from the selfish a-hole and recover my life and find a man who deserves me and my children. Sorry guys blowing off steam

Oh Joanne I am so sorry you and DD12 have to go thru this. Tell DD12 to hold her head up and not get into adult stuff. If this is your grandfather why is he going ?? I would ask that they not show up at all. I would demand it. This is your family NOT his. Especially bringing a OW there shows such disrespect.

No it is his GF but he lived with me and WH for a year and a half before wh left. I was his caregiver for all that time and he loved me like a daughter. He knew I was there for him and he could count on me. WH broke his heart with what he has done and contributed to his GF's death if we had stayed together he would still be alive. But because i could not work take care of 2 kids and care for him at the same time. WH put him in a nursing home and he died alone no one was with him and wh didn't call anyone to tell them he was doing poorly. I am really angry at him right now for a lot of the stuff.

Hey just a foot note anyone live in CO i am thinking of relocating there in about 8 months or so.

Well guys back from the funeral home. Saw a few people but didn't stay long. Left him with his tart but looked really good. She was wearing capri's to the funeral home how low class can you get. He wasn't much better wore jeans and a shirt I bought him a couple of years ago. Stupid man looked like a deer in the headlights when I walked in didn't speak to him just walked by him like he wasn't there but he kept watching me. everywhere I went. I left after about 30 min. Won't be at the funeral tomorrow not because I don't want to be I have to feed my kids and do not get time off for that stuff right now. But my children won't be there tomorrow either. One is going with me and the other to daycare he has had his vist this week and she was extremly worn out by it. Since he hasn't paid a dime I may not let him have her until after the 11th when we go to court and I think overnight vists are out as well.

So he did bring the no class OW?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Glad you were able to walk through it ok. U R the better one for it. WS' are a stupid bunch as long as they stay that way and their OPs are even more stupid.

All the more reason to stay away from their chaos.

take care,
L.

Yep i am the better person. I held my head high and informed the relatives exactly who she was when asked. The children and I did not attend the funeral today because I have to feed my children since WH hasn't paid any child support. I can't afford to lose a day of work but I have to be in court so I will have tomake arrangements for that one. But thats court not public humilation.

I wonder how many people asked about us and how many lies he told. But hey no skin off my nose. The truth is the truth. And he can't handle the truth. He will not begin to understand the consequences of his actions until I have fried him in court. But he fired the first shot I just responded.

Oh well might as well vent a little. I really do care for him but really mad with him right now. I would like to smash both of them into a wall. Key their cars blow them up I keep seeing that reba video from a few years ago. Ohh that feels good to get it out. I love my husband and really don't wish him harm just taught a good lesson her on the other hand I would like her to drop off the face of the earth. Trashy no good slimy OW. I can't stand her just being in the same room with her made me want a shower.

Okay other things. I really don't see him waking up even though things are hard for him right now until I finish what I am preparing to do. I feel he will continue with his garbage until I leave the area. And believe me I will. After this mess I need a fresh start somewhere else. I need to be where people don't look at me with pity and tell me how sorry they are for me. Get his sorry butt for his bad choices don't say your sorry to me. He's the sorry one for giving up a good wife and wonderful children. He's the loser who thinks he can be a father 4 days a month. He is the one who looses because he couldn't do the right thing. I flip flop between loving him and hating him for the things he has done to me and the kids. I want to punch him in the nose every time he comes up with the line I want my rights.

I could really go into my rights but I won't. To much to cover. He is such a puppet to his ow it's not funny well he will be in the poor house and i will be 3 states away from him. So at least then my children won't have to deal with it and maybe he will just go on his merry way then.

well guys a better day today Iguess have a meeting with school counsler today hope I can get the ball rolling again. Rough dealing with the kids and stuff still kinda sad about the death of grandfather. But not as PO'd today . that is a good start