I think I have come to the conclusion that I just need to let WH go and let him have his fantasy life...

The whole family is done with all of this drama. His own family won't even talk to him now. The kids are done as well... I just don't know what to do anymore.

So my question is should I just let him know he is free to do as he choses? I just want this over. I still love him and proably always will but I can't continue this anymore.

He has lost everyone and everything he has ever loved. I just don't know anymore if any of us can ever trust him again. He has lied so much. He lies to the OW as well and I guess she is to dumb to see it.... He only wants me when he wants SF and he spent the nite last tues. after lying to her he was leaving for his job. I would love to let her know he lied but I know that would just cause me more heartache with him.

I have been thinking very hard about this. I just feel like I need to let him go and let him learn his lesson the hard way, if he ever learns it that is .....

Should I tell him I am done with this madness? I just can't do it anymore....

I think you should stick to Plan B and withdraw yourself from his madness. THEN you can make a decision about whether or not you want to end it. But you are too distraught to make such a decision right now.

Mel

I know what you are saying and I understand it. I truly don't want to end it. I just feel like I am hanging on to something that is over.....

I am tired of hearing how confused he is .... He does not know what he wants. Well to me he has made his choice and it's definatley not me and our family......

I am going to stay in planb thats a given. I am just so hurt that he cares so little about anyone. Everytime I think I have made some progress it gets knocked back down.

hurting, it's time to really do a serious Plan B. The reason you feel its over is because you have been exposed to this craziness too long. Remove yourself and stop breaking Plan B. I promise that you feel better after a few weeks than you have in months. You don't have to make any decisions or deal with his madness. Just step away and stick to your guns. THAT will be progress.

Thank you Mel I guess your right I have been dealing with this crap way to long now....

I just want to keep the hope going that one day he will realize what he has done and be ready to come back to our marriage.

Hurtinginokla, I'm about 6 months future down the line than you are. While My WH isn't living with his OW, he's enjoying his midlife crisis. No confusion on his part, I think he just wants us all. No recovery but no discussion either. I think he really cares about anyone except himself and his pleasures.

Stay in Plan B for a while. It helps you to clear your head. You've been at it almost a month? How are you feeling? If you are feeling detached that's good.

hurting, staying in touch with him is destroying your hope and destroying your love for him. Do you see that? Your best bet, and HIS, is for you to stick to Plan B in order for you to detach and for him to see what it will be like without you there to fill his needs. Staying in touch with him is defeating your purpose in a huge way and is enabling his affair.

I know Mel and your right. I was doing real well until this last contact.

I am done with dealing with him right now... I just can't do it anymore. I am doing a very strict planb for myself...

As far as him who knows. I would think that after 24 yrs it would be hard on him without me but who knows.....

I know for me it would be very hard to walk away from our lives and hsitory and children.

Not to worry I am going to do this.. I have to

GG,

I don't know if WH i enjoying this at all... He does seem unhappy most of the time. Everyone sees it but him.

He is confused for sure its so very obvious to all. He admits it as well...

I do know he wants both of us, he has said it over and over again... But that ain't going to happen. He has to make some descision sooner or later.....

I will be ok I know this. Today is just a bad day for me... I am just so lonely....

The BEST chance your marriage has is Plan B, hurting. And the best chance for your sanity is Plan B. Look at what contact does to you. You are torn up and confused. Back off and remove yourself from this insanity. THEN, you will be better equipped to make decisions. But you are not capable of that now because contact just keeps you in a constant state of emotional distress. You will stay that way as long as you allow yourself to be at the mercy of a crazed man. Your life will be ******.

Back off. Allow some sanity back into your life. And perhaps by doing so, he will come to his senses. But he is LESS LIKELY to ever come to his senses if you keep seeing and talkng to him. You are preventing him frm finding out that the ho-bag can't possibly meet his needs. And he will just keep doing this as long as he can get away with it. No sane - or insane - man is going to give up TWO women meeting his needs unless he has to.

It will be very hard to stay away frm him the first 7-10 days but if you can make it through that, it will get easier and easier. Let us help you make it through these next 10 days, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Anyone can do anything FOR ONE DAY. So, just try it for ONE DAY and then we will try it again tomorrow, ok?

You will be ok, I promise.

hurting, do you exercise? What do you like to do?

I need all the help I can get Mel....

I am just so lost right now.... I hurt so much and it won't stop...

I take the dogs for w alks when its not to hot.... been nice in the evenings here so yeah I get outside and walk some

I know, hon. It will get better. I promise. Getting up and moving around will help a little. Do you exercise? I used to exercise when the pain got bad and was able to lose myself in that. It saved my sanity. Do you have any exercise videos?

To be honest Mel I have not many activities for so long. Being a SAHM and a wife it was all aobut my family.... I guess thats why I am so lost now.... I still do for the kids but they mostly handle themselves at their ages now...

I got so used to caring for the family I just didn't have things for me anymore...

I do like to read and work puzzles... I do crochet and crossstich very crafty person here.... Maybe I need to start doong all of that again.. Would take my mind off all this crap ..

I do have a few exercise videos. I guess I could try that...

I wish I had some friends to spend time with. All of the people I know are married coupkes and have their own lives.

I guess when you are married so long you tend to fall into just having married friends...

I do have my MIL and SIL's but they are hurting as bad as I am .. And seems when we are together all we talk about is this crap.... They are just as hurt as me how he has turned on them to... So I try and stay away from them to keep the chaos down....

How about getting your face powdered, putting on a nice outfit and heading up to the craft store? Then stop off at the book store and see if they have a Denise Austin or Kathy Smith aerobic workout tape? Exercise will help you relax and help your mental outlook.

Are the kids going to be home this evening? What about making them something special, like cake or chocolate chip cookies? What are you planning on making for dinner?

Is the house clean?

Which exercise tapes do you have?

Also, are you job hunting?

yup house is clean... Nope kids gone as usual on the weekends....

DD out with friends then working and DS with his cousins pending the night... So its me and myself again...