When they say that they think they are in love with the person they are having the affair with and tell you that they love you but are not in love with you? And the next day he says he loves me????? Talk about confused!!!!!!!!!

This is so odd to me because I feel as if she is pulling his buttons and telling him how to feel, etc.

I forgot to add that he used to call her a lot before I found out--example 742 minutes the month before I found on via cellphone and in the last five weeks that I have known it is down to 90 minutes this month BUT he has not called her at all in a week which is unusual.

Could it be that someone is trying to lay low for awhile? I have never been thru this.

He is probably as confused as you, thats why all the changing about. I'm new at this too, but mine is the same. Apparently, 'love you but not "in love" with you is the text book position of the wayward spouse. Mine used those exact words as well.

If he is calling less since you found out, it might be because you found out. I caught my WH out in early stages twice, and he cut contact down to almost nothing. Problem for me was that he didn't admit to doing anything wrong, so next time I had to let it go a bit further.

She could be pulling his strings. When I confronted mine, he said stuff like "we don't choose who we fall in love with" and "why should I feel guilty, these things just happen" and many more. A week later, I got a letter from her which sounded like a recording of what he had said. She had convinced him that what he was doing was following his natural feelings, and was the best thing for his happiness.

He stopped the affair, but not completely stopped contact, and says the same sort of stuff as yours. On day its "I love you", the next is "this is too hard, see ya later".

Not sure what you know, so here's a few tips I have picked up from reading on this site and others: an A relies on secrecy, so if you expose it, it usually doesn't continue. Be careful if you decide to tell people and read up on the pro's and con's on this site before you decide. Second, lay boundaries as to what you will put up with. I told my Wh that he couldn't continue to live with me and see her, so me moved out. Might not be the best solution for you, but it worked well for me because gave me a bit of space from it and a chance to concentrate on my own life. Feeling much better for it. there is stuff about boundaries on this site and I am about go read it. Maybe you should too.

Wish you well

i have placed a call to my inlaws who love me and the kids. if there is anyone who might be able to get thru to my husband, it may be my father in law.

they will be crushed and my intent is not to bash my husband but instead let them know what is going on.

The family now knows but my husband says he is glad I did that because it is out in the open. Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If my husband was so in love with this woman, he would be in a wonderful mood all the time but instead he has stomach problems and looks miserable and talks like he has been abducted by Satan.

I am going to and continue to pray hard, be myself, and try and be patient.

Since there are kids involved, I doubt he would eventually up and run.

This woman knows there is no divorce or separation and that he is staying put. How come she continues it being that she will not have a future as Mrs. B?????

Funny thing is she is very jealous of me. Well, to that I say great!!!!!!!!

She continues it because she's crazy "in love" and hopes that some day he'll come around, as he's probably indicated to her at some point that he might consider...

You stay the course hsmomx3! You keep exposing and reading about Plan A! Draw strength from the deeper well!

[color:"brown"]
Psalm 77
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah

4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.

5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;

6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?

8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah

10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."

11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?

14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.[/color]

this is why i can't figure out why she would keep it up especially since she knows the kids have been destroyed by this.

she probably doesn't care about the kids. If she is jealous of you, make her more so. Make her so insecure she can't sleep. Be gorgeous, be happy and be confident. Don't contact her even if she contacts you. Mine got a little insecure, she wrote me a letter. I threw it and fought off a huge urge to write back. They broke up soon after that, and now I get mystery calls on my phone (she knows he douesn't live here). She is now playing pathetic, being sad and he is finding her unattractive (though he still calls her). An insecure and needy OW is very unattractive to him, make her unattractive.

OW is my ex-best friend. Even tho my H tells her he is not leaving me, she is still so in love with him. My H says she's obsessed. I wrote her off the day I found out about the A. She sent me e-mails for awhile, telling me all the sordid details of the A, but I never wrote back. I'm not stooping to that level. But, believe me, I wanted to say a few choice words to her in a big way. Ha ha. PA ended in February (so I'm told), but EA continues. I am heading toward Plan B. Just told the H last night I was moving if he doesn't end ALL contact NOW. He was more than shocked. But, I need to take care of me. I don't understand either why they would want someone who doesn't want them? I would never want to be around/talk to someone who didn't want me. I hope things go good for you. I'm new here and don't have any answers yet, but I'm working on it. Just thought I'd let you know the OW in my H's life won't let go.