I hardly start any threads these days, so I figured I'd share one funny (or stupid, depending on perspective) story.

So I signed up for my three month Eharmony membership, and have been getting my typical one match a week, which is just fine, because I don't have time for the insanity of Match or the other biggies.

Last week I get a new match, who requests communication. No picture posted, but I figured I'd go along, as she sounded interesting.

After the first stage of closed ended questions, she asks to go to fast track (i.e. bypass all the other questions and get right to open communication). Reluctantly, I agree.

She then posts her picture, and she is drop dead gorgeous, killer body, the works <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />. And she e-mails me saying "why don't we talk on the phone, here is my number". I replied that I would prefer to get to know her a little better first, she replies that we can do that on the phone.

By this time, I am more than suspicious and skeptical, but I figure "why not play along". So I ask when is a good time to call, she replies "any time tomorrow". I reply that I can't, as I have a full day with the kids and need to get to bed early that night, how about Sunday. I add that I like to devote some uninterrupted time to these phone calls, and can't work that in Saturday.

This morning I see that she slammed "closed" our match, giving no reason.

It doesn't bother me much, it just confirms that there was something weird/fishy about the whole deal, but I still am curious about what that was all about. My suspicion is that she is one of those "screeners" who doesn't want to waste time with e-mailing or other such time consuming stuff, but literally has the guys lined up at the Starbucks with individual appointment times, so she can be more efficient. Of course perhaps she was offended by my "inability" to call her on Saturday, which would only confirm that she is not for me as I will always prioritize my kids over dating.

What do you all think?

Anyway, I found this to be somewhat amusing...

AGG

I think you are right about her. I have not looked at eHarmony; my separation is brand new & I want to be without distraction in my life. Enough to deal with right now.

You probably dodged a bullet. Be grateful.

GG,

I think you were right with your skepticism. For a woman to be in such a rush to bypass the initial get to know someone seems off to me.

I'd say she was a little displeased that you didn't respond as she wanted, and on her time-line.

Looks may have been all she had going for her.

K!

How much you wanna bet that the photo was not current and not accurate??

I belong to eHarmony too...and if anyone bypasses the initial questions it's a major red flag to me and secondly if she didn't understand the fact that your kids come first...well then...it's her loss...certainly not yours.

Keep searching!!

Hugs
Alluring

Who can really say what she was up to. I can suggest one possibility: She was a pro, by which I mean the oldest profession. eHarmony doesn't get too much of this and will cancel the membership of anyone caught "working." It isn't plausible, but it is possible.

The other dating sites have always had problems with hookers using their site to find johns. Some of them are used by Russian prostitute rings to get women into the U.S. The scam goes like this. A "looker" fishes for the very lonely guy who isn't getting many dates. She post/sends a fake picture in which she is beautiful, really too good to be true. She rushes the relationship and lures the guy in. She usually has a sob story about how she is having to drop out of school because her father has lost his job and the Russian economy is so bad (or some similar story). So she has decided that she is going to find an American man to take as a husband, since Russian men are so horrible, and really, she has no future in Russia. Before you know it, the guy is getting her a visa and sending her air fare to the U.S. She arrives and she's not all she seems, doesn't look like her picture, but, she's pleasant to look at and very attentive. A few weeks after the I Dos are exchange, she disappears into thin air, usually with all the money from the bank account. She'll be working the streets and clubs of Las Vegas in a few days.

Some women work the sites posing as would be girlfriends. They can figure out quickly if a guy's a mark or not. A guy who is seperated or newly divorced is perfect, since wh probably won't be on gaurd so much and not thinking as clearly. They will get several on the hook at a time. They get a guy interested, maybe have some sex with him, and then some tragedy befalls them and they need some money fast. Once they get it, they are history.

On Craig's List, at least the women are honest about their intention. There you will often find ads from young women looking for a man with whom they will have sex in the afternoons twice per week in exchange for rent money. Now what kind of man do you think they are looking for?

See, women aren't the only ones who have to be careful with online dating.

I would think a working girl would be willing to wait. After all, they're being paid to wait on the customer. But, what do I know?

My guess is either she found someone else, or didn't believe you about the kids. I would be a little suspicious if I man could find an hour on a Saturday when he had the kids. After all, how late can the kids stay up? I might guess he had a date and didn't want to tell me.

Here's hoping you find another gorgeous woman.

I understand GG's thinking.

A few weeks ago, when I agreed for a guy from a dating site to call me, I specically told him the time I would prefer he call me, it was when my girls were not home.

This guy didn't understand my thinking either, but its my choice at this time.

K!

Assuming the picture was accurate, I find that beautiful people generally have their own set of problems/quirks.



I think, good riddence.

Lots of good insight, thanks!

I thought long and hard if I possibly drove her off by not chomping at the bit to call her on Saturday. I can certainly see how she could choose to interpret that in a sinister way, as in me having a date or not being interested enough. That would certainly be her choice to assume that, despite being incorrect.

I actually did have a very late evening with the kids (went to a pro soccer game) and we didn't get home till after 10:30. Then after putting them to bed, I wanted to get some sleep myself, as I was way underslept from insomnia the night before.

So this is a good theoretical question - should I have sucked it up and made a phone call to someone who is essentially a total stranger (as she insisted on not e-mailing at all) and about whose motives I was somewhat skeptical (given the somewhat out-of-my-league picture and the unclear rush to escalate to phone calls), or should I have done what I did, which was to ask politely if I may call her the next day so that we can talk like human beings.

IMO, I made the right choice. If she was in such a hurry that another day would have killed her, or if she was so suspicious that a guy does not drop everything to call her as soon as she asks, or if she was trying to fill her phone date schedule to the limit, or if she did not understand that parents have responsibilities besides dating, all of these would tell me that she was no big loss by disappearing (OK, aside from the very alluring picture <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />).

I think this was a somewhat typical pro dater in LA. She knows LA is full of guys with more money than brains, and by golly she is going to find one for herself. She reminds me of another woman from Match, who did the same thing - her first e-mail to me was "How about we meet at Starbucks at 7:30?". I tried to write back with a couple of questions to get a conversation going, but to no avail. Needless to say, I didn't show at the Starbucks. Two weeks later she changed her pictures from the girl-next-door look to some extremely suggestive sexy poses. And her profile also changed to indicate that guys not willing to spend tons of money on her need not apply. I see a lot of these women in LA.

Check, you might be right about her, it crossed my mind as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. And she is from Russia <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. The phone number was local, but who knows who would have answered it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

I still think the most likely scenario is that she was not used to having guys not ask "How high?" when she says "Jump!", so my not calling her on Saturday probably threw her for a loop. Oh well, no big loss, I am sure she will manage.

I just thought that this was a funny story in that it exemplified the worst of the whackos one meets through online dating. Of course, she could be saying the same about me to all her girlfriends - "I wrote to this guy and asked him to call, and he waffled and waffled, probably a player!". And the GF's probably said, "Yeah, how rude, good job for closing him!!". That's why they say there are three sides to every story, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

AGG

a local number that rings to russia and you end up with a phone bill out of this world...LOL okay maybe not...but who knows in this world...LOL you're better off without her!!

I totally agree. In fact, I am no longer as attracted as I used to be to the eye-candy women in these profiles, for that exact reason. For some reason, at least in LA, they know that they can always flash their baby blues (or some skin <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />), and have 20 eager guys at the ready. Not my scene...

AGG

I wouldn't consider the no email requirement to be a red flag. Personally, I consider that part of it very silly if it goes on for more than a couple of days and I would certainly be willing to forego it.

AGG-femme has a good point. It is possible to call forward a local phone to any in the world. This is called toll spoofing and companies have to gaurd against it, lest dishonest employees steal long distance time. We had a guy doing this a few years back. He had a GF in China, forwaded his desk phone to her number, and then call his office from home. I guess he didn't think we'd be actually looking at the phone bill.

I'm like you, AGG. If she's drop dead beautiful, I'm not interested. These women usually have egos so big they make most men seem like wimps. They are also high maintenance. I know, I was married to one, and it cost me $30K just to keep her in clothes, make-up, spas/salons, and accessories. And you have to ask yourself why a beautiful woman would need online dating. The ones I know never need worry about getting dates, since they are surrounded by men everywhere they go. Naw, give me a nice, wholesome girl any day and leave the supermodel types to the guys who like being jerked around.

Remember, AGG, some women are on these sites (yes, even eHarmony) only to find guys to pay for their entertainment. They set up communication with several guys at once and rotate through them, going out on dates with them only when there's something specific they want to do. I had one woman try this with me. I took her to dinner and then didn't hear a word from her for two weeks - no response to emails, no return to phone calls. Then I got an email asking me to call her that evening. She said she had a great time with me and would like to get together again. (She needed two weeks to figure this out?) Seems there was a great concert she wanted to see at the Arts Center ($90/ticket). Would I like to take her? Uh, no, atcually I wouldn't.

Could there be some unpleasant reason for her behavior? Sure. Could it be that she has both good and innocent reasons for her choices? Sure.

Think about it -- you're in a heavily looks-oriented town. If she's that stunning and wants a serious relationship, she's undoubtedly been through a nightmarish amount of hassle already and has evolved a set of disqualifications based on problems she's had in the past. Sure her filters will have some unintended effect -- all our filters do. That doesn't mean they're not there for good reason.

AGG knows LA is Shallowtown, USA. There a man can be butt-ugly, but as long as he's got a lot of cash, he can have his pick of these beauty queens. There's a big difference between caution and stupidity. What this woman did falls into the second category and, therefor. shouldn't be in the running. Her reasons aren't the point; it was how she acted on them that tells the tale.

Check,

I think I might have played MsConcertGoer this way:

MsConcertGoer: I had a great time with you two weeks ago. There is the great concert at the Arts Center, would you like to go.

Me: I had fun too. Great news about the concert, I've thought about going but don't have tickets, now you ask me. You can pick me up at 7.

MsConcertGoer: uhhh, ok bye.

You'll never hear from her again.

T

Check,

She probably didn't want to email you anymore coz she needed an english translator/interpretor.

My uncle from Canada fell for a girl from China this way. First, nice next door girl photos, then sultry, sexy naughty ones. She posted on an english website and she could speaka no da englisha. She had an interpretor. She wanted a Chinese guy abroad who could give her a visa and citizenship.

She is divorced and has a kid. Deal is, she marries, get her citizenship and her kid goes to PRIVATE school in Canada, UK or US.

She came to visit... the photos were of her alright, but with enhanced lighting and because she came from such a different culture, she stood out like a sore thumb.

It's a blessing in disguise Check!

Check:

I think she is my ex! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good Luck Brother <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR

Nah, RuffledNOT, she was a local gal and knew "y'all' is a 2.5 syllable word! I got my share of Russian and Ukrainian women "making for sweetness in online talking", but I wouldn't go there. If you want a Russian or Eastern European woman, there are reputable services. But look out, the cultural differences are significant.

That seems a bit redundant -- I haven't seen anyone suggest that AGG should still be interested in this woman, in fact there seems to be consensus that he shouldn't be.

The only thing in question is whether it makes sense to assume there was something sinister in her motivations. There isn't sufficient data to warrant that conclusion. AGG can have this be a data point in building a negative worldview in his mind, or a positive one. I'd suggest the latter.