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Dunno if y'all missed it, or maybe no one has brought it up, but part of one of the earlier writings about sex in a Christian marriage includes: And that is how life is created. The beauty of a woman arouses a man to play the man, the strength of a man, offered tenderly to his woman, allows her to be beautiful, it brings life to her and to many. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but to me can't this be interpreted that any sex that does not and/or is not engaged in to "create life" (i.e. make a baby) is sinful?? I don't know where you got that quote, but it doesn't even say what you are implying; not even close. Try reading the Song of Solomon in the Bible, it is very sensual. The bottom line is that sex is meant to be an expression of love and enjoyment, a thing of beauty, between two married people and if someone doesn't see it that way, that is their own choice. And they must take responsibility for that choice. Using religion as a scapegoat is futile blameshifting that does nothing to address the problem.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just don't know anymore. There's only been a few times in recent memory that I've felt this way about it... And you don't want to hear about those. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Low Low~ I'm sure that you refering to your A...I think that you MUST tell your W this...she has to "GET" what it means to really be one with someone, she MUST understand how fulfilled you both could be by complete acceptance of the other...It sounds like the OP allowed you freedom to just be yourself...if that's true, then I see why you feel the way you do...you wife needs to see this before it's too late..."life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved"... Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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ohhhhhhhhhhhh
you can do better than that... huh? I can do better than that?
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WHAT MAKES SEX SPECIAL?
Sex is freeing.
I see it as an adult form of play.
I think the nature of the PLAY is determined by the nature of the relationship....
When there is a strong emotional connection between a couple... characterized by intimacy, commitment to each other, friendship and a host of other things...I think sex can reach a spiritual level...
Spiritual does not necessarily mean Christianity..Spiritual to me means SUPERNATURAL..not of this ordinary, mundane, work-a-day world..... Spiritual to me means, on a higher plane..like HEAVEN.....
I just feel so utterly close to my H during that time. It's the PHYSICAL CLOSENESS (skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat) combined with the EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS (soul to soul) that creates the SPIRITUALITY....
Last edited by mimi1254; 10/03/05 10:16 AM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I'm reading too much into it
GBH IMO yes you are.
You are looking for offense from Christian meaning as some board Christians look for offense from secular postings.
Babies ARE made through sex, whether Christian, Muslim, Sufi or agnostic.
MB Alumni
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Low... less genital and more spiritual approach
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Water, water everywhere...and not a drop to drink
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[quote] Water, water everywhere...and not a drop to drink
[quote]
Explain further.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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We're back to the discussion of "it". While I appreciate everyone's help, it becomes frustrating to struggle to find "it"...
It seems like you all have "it". "It" is everywhere around me.
Mimi...you describe it all so exquisitely. You are the kid in the candy store...and all I can do is look through the window.
I think I need to get out of MB for today...
Last edited by LowOrbit; 10/03/05 10:34 AM.
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"To you personally, what (if anything) makes sex beautiful and special? How do you feel sex can elevate you spiritually?"
What makes it beautiful and special is God's plan behind it. It can elevate me spiritually only if I experience it in the way God intended, and I never have, so...it's an abstract thing which I am sure *does* or *can* elevate people spiritually.
Really, though, what my affair taught me was that the experience of bonding/pairing with another person was NOT *the* big issue in life. Good thing, too, since I screwed it up so roundly in every way possible.
Low, I get what you mean about the chemistry thing, and the sex thing, and I applaud your honesty here. Not just for this but for many other posts.
XWW
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Well, there is sex, and then there is sex. I too came of age in the free love era when sex was something you just engaged in. Once you grow up and actually experience the wonder of sex as an expression of love, everything else pales.
That is the difficult part for me as a BS. WH engaged in sex with OW for entertainment purposes rather than out of any real affection for her. He wanted to do it, must have enjoyed it alot to risk everything he risked...and despite the guilt and eventual self-loathing and desire to end the A, he kept on doing it. Even after, he realized as he wrote in his NC letter to OW, that sex, without love is meaningless and unfullfilling, he still continued.
I know he is sorry and don't believe he would ever again betray me, but every once in a while, when we are expressing our love for each other, OW somehow invades my mind and spoils it for me.
I don't think he ever thinks about her in that way or frankly in any positive way. I think he has more effectively left her in the past than I have. I am still trying to join him completely in the present and be able to look forward to the future.
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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I understand the 'water water"
none of us came to "it" easily after the A
we all struggled
enter your crucible Low
I'm pulling for ya!
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Why do we do that? Why are we inclined to take something so precious and so lovely and demean ourselves and soil our bodies with casual sex or affairs or even on-line or phone sex??? Not to mention the horrors of porn. Lowering sex to the status of voyurism and reducing the value of another human being to an erection or an orgasm.
I guess ... I would like to ask a question:
To you personally, what (if anything) makes sex beautiful and special? How do you feel sex can elevate you spiritually? Been away for a few days and of course cannot resist a topic titled *sex* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Pep, I grew up thinking that sex is what girls needed to use to get attention from boys (later men). This way of thinking is why my EA led to a PA. I didn't really want something physical with OM, i had a satisfactory sex life with my H but I wanted the attention I got from OM to continue and I feed him through sex. My screwed up belief about sex did not change until the past few years after I became a Christian. I regret deeply, very, very deeply how I so cavalierly gave away my precious gift to anyone (almost)that asked. Not only that but my DS suffers physically and mentally for that way of life. His illness was a result of my latent herpes that acitivated just prior to his birth. Can you imagine how I feel knowing I risked my children to please myself and others sexually? Plus now having been a BS at least 2x's if not more, my hurt at my H giving that gift meant only for me away and having a child with someone other than me magnifies for me the beauty and sacredness that God intended sex to be. He made our bodies to please each other within the confines of marriage. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier. It is the lesson I am teaching my DD.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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FF
No way to know 100%, but I think it is likely that my infertility resulted from my pre-marital activities... hard lesson to learn.
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Dunno if y'all missed it, or maybe no one has brought it up, but part of one of the earlier writings about sex in a Christian marriage includes: And that is how life is created. The beauty of a woman arouses a man to play the man, the strength of a man, offered tenderly to his woman, allows her to be beautiful, it brings life to her and to many. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but to me can't this be interpreted that any sex that does not and/or is not engaged in to "create life" (i.e. make a baby) is sinful?? So aren't any of us having SF but NOT for the purpose of procreating now sinners and doomed to an eternity in you-know-where? I'm with LO on this one. I see little harm in getting to know one another on an intimate level on all dimensions of the relationship (including SF issues) before tying the knot (provided of course that precautions are taken). I know of one guy who was, for all intents and purposes, ordered to marry his gf after her father found out they'd been "doing it." Forgive me for the stereotype, but the whole sitch involved very devout Catholics of the Italian persuasion, threats of harm if the orders weren't followed, etc. etc. Naturally, it ended in a D after very few years. Quite sad. Quite honestly, I tire of all the "Christian" teachings that seem to get shoved down people's throats at every turn. But that's just me. Not sure what you mean by "shoving" Christian teachings down your throat. But your point about SF with your spouse...and it not to be for procreation. The Bible has no problem with this. Christ has no problem with this. Maybe a certain denomination has "made it up as they go along." But Scripture does not discourage a married couple from having a good romp just because they want to have a little fun, or just because they want to bond further. As in all cases, consult the Bible. Anything that contradicts it...has to be false. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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What makes sex special for me is to share my body with one special person, someone who knows me and accepts me flaws and all. When I am having spiritual sex I feels as if I am one with my partner. We are on the same mental wavelength and our hearts beat as one. What makes sex special for my H is a cucumber and some lube <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
BS 42
WS 39
WH ONS 04/97 and EA ???-08/00
D-day for both 08/00
-Life is 10% what you make it...90% how you take it-
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
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Scripture does not discourage a married couple from having a good romp just because they want to have a little fun, or just because they want to bond further. I love it...leave it to MM..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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THREADJACK! Pep, do you live close to Los Angeles?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Yup. I am not a prude and H and I have tried just about every trick in the book over the years...well we never swung or introduced any barnyard animals into the bedroom but we did have a pretty wild sex life. The problem is I feel done with that. There is nothing left to try that I would have wanted to experiment with. I have tried everything that I was inclined to try. It`s all out of my system now. However it`s not out of H`s system. I am not adverse to the occasional wild night but not on a regular basis. This does cause a problem in our sex life because I am forever feeling like I am letting H down, not giving him what he would like. I would like to have warm cuddly "vanilla sex" 9 times out of ten, H would like wild monkey sex 9 times out of ten. We do discuss this outside the bedroom but in the heat of the moment H can become pushy. Perhaps it`s the difference in our ages. I am 41 and H is 37. I am hoping that as H ages he will calm down and our sexual preferences will fall into step together. What do you think? Could it happen? I just feel like we`re never on the same page re "great sex" we don`t experience great sex at the same time...if both partners are not experiencing great sex at the same time, is it still great sex?
BS 42
WS 39
WH ONS 04/97 and EA ???-08/00
D-day for both 08/00
-Life is 10% what you make it...90% how you take it-
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