Been, working on our marriage for better than 2 years, W is FWW, is forgiven by me...but will not let the Lord help us with our marriage...I know it takes 3, me , her and the Lord our God. We ask the Lord to touch Debby's heart...give her trust in both me and our marriage and let the Lord bring her happiness, in Jesus holy name we pray. Amen. Thanks, Lord for letting me be humbled by this tough time to let me learn to love. Give us a healing.

Welderboy, I'm not familiar with your story, but it appears from what you've written here that both you and your wife are "born-again" Christians.

So we'll know better how to pray and what is going on, what EXACLTY do you mean by she "will not let the Lord help us with our marriage?"

Do you both attend church regularly?
Are you both, or have you both, been in Joint Christian Marital Counseling?
What part of God is your wife rejecting and how is she "hardening her heart?"

God bless.

Yes, we both were once saved, she no longer attends church, but will watch certain sermons on TV. I always go to church when she isn't living with me, I have spoke with a Christian MC but she will not. When I tell her that all things are possible throgh Christ and we need him in our marriage she acts as if to reject this. She is more familar with the Bible and is the one to bring me to a non-demoniantional church. We had a good marriage when we both attend church together and lived right.

Welderboy, your wife posted about a year ago under your name, but nothing has really changed in her life since then. That’s a CHOICE she makes, no one is “forcing her against her will.”

I have a few brief things for you to think about at the end of this post, but before you get to them I am posting several posts that you have sent over time (and one from kdsheartbreak that was very appropriate and on target) for you to read. Hopefully you’ll be able to start seeing some things that seem very evident to me, and to a lot of others who have posted to you over the last year and a half. Bottom line: your choices, as well as your wife’s, have not been very good or conducive to ANY marriage, much less to your own.

Since I have a tendency to be “blunt,” I’m not going to say anything further nor will I be responding to your post to me on the Prayer Request forum until you decide you want to hear the “tough love” sort of talk that it seems you (and your wife) needs. When you decide you want, or need, to hear it, I’ll respond. But you must understand that NONE of us can help you or your situation….THAT rests in your lap, not even your wife’s lap. Until you choose to stand for a godly marriage there is little that God can for you.



#1267638 - 02/28/05 05:51 AM

Well, dinner went very well....W stayed the night...has made me a vow to work things out and moved home. She asked me to make a counselor appt. for us also. Thanks for the prayers.



#2811356 - 09/14/05 08:36 AM

Well, she kind of made fun of my going back to church etc...shaken up she said" you always have to pull the religion card...don't you". I explained that I was at fault for not putting the Lord and my need with church ahead of her. She is the one that brought me to being saved prior to our marriage...and when I mention the greatness of our life at that time, she agrees how well things were. Should the letter be hand written and mailed? I worked night shift so now I'm getting off here...and will check back after lunch. Thanks, and God Bless all you folks...we are growing!


#2812566 - 09/15/05 11:45 AM

Hey, just wanted to say that aroung here..."Get er dun". I'm not as happy as with when Mrs. WB is around, but I don't want to be so serious that I lose my sense of humor.I've been very busy, but been riding my Harley a bunch,working the rest of the time around the house as so it still seems like a "home". I have no idea where she is living...I do trust that she is not running with any man!!!That the last thing she wanted right now she had told me...I also saw where she had logged on to a Credir Union site? Just browsing to look I guess, I put her bike for sale...but this was a joint descion...and I'm not doing anything that would harm us if she was to "ever" return home. I do still love my "little girl" and am starting to really beleive...it's 100% up to the Lord and her as to what happens. Later.


#2815264 - 09/18/05 04:03 PM

She also mentioned that her counseler worked with her well Friday and she said she would like to share that with me. I haven't heard from her since. I know how deep this love was....and buried below all this crap is still there. She left a "Marriage Prayer" on our bedroom wall. I read it each day. I want my old wife back....


#2815387 - 09/18/05 07:47 PM

I was or am in a 2nd. week of a plan B. She came over...we had another talk...and she wants to come "home". There is going to be more conditions this time, along with MC and I'd like to do a Dr. Harley weekend. Give me your thoughts.Mrs. WB also would like to quit her job...and stay home. Her career has caused us nothing but grief. This is a huge step.Later.


#2816190 - 09/19/05 06:37 PM

I think the babble is done...she says she felt as if she was insane, and I can "feel" a difference. I really can't explain...but you can see happiness in her face and eyes. I think, the prayers of mine and others to let the Lord touch her heart, have been answered. Thanks.


From kdsheartbreak:
#2816223 - 09/19/05 07:23 PM

Lay down your boundries before she moves back home. She needs to agree to your terms before she sets foot in the house. Or it will be back to business as usual. Don't be so eager to give her forgiveness at first, leave a little mystery about you, saying only what needs to be said, and let her think you are calmly assessing the best options for you and your children.


#2817343 - 09/20/05 08:37 PM

We have no children...and she has already taken the last 2 days off work and has settled back in.I just can't put into words the difference in her though? I'm already working together on my expectations and tonight she said she had just realized that the troublr in the marriage was mostly her "problems" from the past and a bad marriage she had. I also think that this time her family giving supportof me as a "great husband" with a true love is really helping. Her family is really close...having the support of them really makes me feel better also.Thanks all.


#2822090 - 09/26/05 05:11 PM

OK...I guess alot of people here have been watching my posts over the last year plus...After FWW's last leaving...D day was a year in July...she came home again last week and wanted to come "home" and be my wive...What suggestsions do I need from you guys to not start over again with the end result being her unhappiness and wanting to leave again? She keeps saying we are best together...but on Sat. she watched a elderly lady eat ice cream by herself...then began crying saying she didn't want to be "old". FWW is 40 now...and really seems to worry so much about things she has no control over. I just need to do something different this time...I'm scared I guess?


#2824897 - 09/29/05 05:35 PM

Thanks Grape...I've got to read this over a few times, Yes, she has been super sweet and there has'nt been any physical contact for over a year. Although he had phoned her about a month ago. When she told him of no interest in her, he has been telling a few people that my W is involved with someone else. We have been spending allot of quality time...but no MC yet. I'll work this over in my mine...I'm not sure of what I should need? Does this make any sense?


#2824929 - 09/29/05 06:21 PM

She has already came back...Sunday will be 2 weeks. I somehow feel guilty about laying down boundaries. Tonight she called as she was leaving work, and asked me if it was OK to have supper with a couple girlfriends...I kinda swayed around around and said...go ahead and go just be home by 9. She then called back a few min. later saying that she could hear my "tone" and was'nt going. It makes me feel damned if I do...damned if I don't. She then called again...and when I tried to tell her my feelings...she said, Forget it..."i'm coming home like a good little wife." I'm really a bit confused?


#2824978 - 09/29/05 08:01 PM

Thanks guys...she said tonight the reason I feel guilty is cause I know I should trust her....she came home though and seems OK with it?


#2826882 - 10/02/05 07:20 PM

Well, the 2 week back together...ended tonight. She and I was away at her folks and I did a stupid LBer and it ended in her packing out of here tonight. FWW and I'm 100% former...it's been a year of NC but she will not let the Lord into our marriage...and soon as she returns I stop going to church and I then suffer also. I did screw up the weekend bigtime...and asked for forgiveness...but she said...I love you, but we are just not to be together...last thing she said as she pulled out the driveway..."I love you." "This isn't the end of the world." Pray for Deb and I. Thanks.


#2826925 - 10/02/05 09:46 PM

Well...not even a told you so...for letting her back again without boundaries or some type of MC plan? Please give me some tips as to boundaries so if this ever happens again...I guess I don't want to give up on the idea of her coming home and working this out.


#2828165 - 10/04/05 08:38 AM

It's Tuesday now...I really can't believe what a difference a couple days make...even after going thru this stuff for over a year and a half. I spent time last night reading the Boundaries book, and realize I need to take my life back. I've been consumed by all this and really don't think her heart has been into recovery of our marriage...so, unless something "large" changes I think, it's best to move on solo.A true shame...but I only have control of myself.


#2826995 - 10/03/05 02:17 AM

Been, working on our marriage for better than 2 years, W is FWW, is forgiven by me...but will not let the Lord help us with our marriage...I know it takes 3, me , her and the Lord our God. We ask the Lord to touch Debby's heart...give her trust in both me and our marriage and let the Lord bring her happiness, in Jesus holy name we pray. Amen. Thanks, Lord for letting me be humbled by this tough time to let me learn to love. Give us a healing.


#2827060 - 10/03/05 08:09 AM

Yes, we both were once saved, she no longer attends church, but will watch certain sermons on TV. I always go to church when she isn't living with me, I have spoke with a Christian MC but she will not. When I tell her that all things are possible throgh Christ and we need him in our marriage she acts as if to reject this. She is more familar with the Bible and is the one to bring me to a non-demoniantional church. We had a good marriage when we both attend church together and lived right.

Welderboy:
BOUNDARIES and STANDARDS Or NO Boundaries or Standards…..YOUR choice.

Church attendance or no church attendance…..YOUR choice (you are the head of your household and will determine what "role" God is going to "play" in your life and the life of your marriage.)

Willing submission by BOTH you and your wife to God’s will OR continued rebellion and disobedience……you both need to choose if you expect any help from God in restoring your marriage and love for each other.

"Warrior" or "wimp" for your marriage....your choice, but your wife will respond consistant with what YOU choose.

God bless.

Thanks 4everhers...I'm just a soft hearted "fool in love"..I need it given to me straight, that's how my Parents raised me. Tell me more if you want. Thanks again. PS...re-reading that stuff...makes me feel like a dog casing his tail.

Welderboy, to NOT choose is itself a choice.

"Choose ye this day whom ye shall serve, but as for me and MY house, we will serve the Lord." Good enough for Joshua and still good enough today.

The "problem" with CHOOSING, is that there are consequences to every choice....even when the "choice" is to NOT take a stand for God and the sanctity of marriage "in Christ." Some consequences are good, some are bad, and some are necessary even though they might hurt "for a while." (as in Christ's sacrifice for us)

God bless.

Praying for your marriage.

Prayingalot

I was just wondering...should I sent this post to my wife? Maybe she would get a better understanding of what going on...seeing it laid out like this. I attended church this morning, I really felt the holy spirit in me, and I have really felt at peace...thanks for the prayers.

Welderboy, the "post" is not what your wife needs. She needs 2 things first.

1) A husband who is a "warrior" for God, willing to stand in the breach for God and for his marriage, no matter the fear, or pain, or uncertainty of 'the future.' If you don't LEAD as the head of the household, then you have by default CHOSEN to not "serve the Lord." That leaves, "serve Satan." Not a very satisfying nor "marriage enhancing" choice.

2) She needs to surrender her life to God. As long as she wants to "remain in control," God will allow it. But don't expect her to surrender to God unless she is a Christian. If she IS a Christian, then what God wants is most important. So perhaps you can begin leading in this area by having a brief daily devotional with her. Get back into the Word of God and let God speak to both of you.

God bless.