Faced with a delima if I initiate a Plan B for total removal from my house of my wife, when if ever is it acceptable to inform the kids?

Details: I have 2 children. One is 19 and in college about 7 hours from our home. The other will be 18 next month and is finishing her final year of HS.

Now both know that we have been in counceling and that something is up. Wife attempted to leave once and daughter came home to find closets empty etc. We told a B.S.story to get by at the time, but I doubt that she believed it. Wife could not find a flight cheap enough and decided to come home....yes, yes, had I known what I know now, I would have said, NO WAY! But what can I say, I didn't want her to go and acted like a complete spinless jellyfish. But those days are now gone.

Anyway, if I follow through with the Plan B and force the wife to move out, when would it be if ever a proper time to tell my kids the exact reason she left?

You see, as part of the denial, coverup (she has already been exposed to family and friends) and lies, she has my kids believing that if/when she leaves it will be because she is homesick. Along with that, if the kids do not know the real reason, I'm sure they will plead with her to return and from all the information I have been reading in here and elsewhere, this would only enable her to continue on with OM and her deception.

She never planned to tell me and thought "we" would be able to make it till next June when my daughter graduates and then she would drop the bomb and say she is homesick and up and leave, only to develop a "fast" relationship with someone else. This in her mind would be an easier explanation to the kids than for the real issue to be revealed now.

Last month she felt my daughter out about moving back home and if she would go with her (now). My daughter, bless her heart said that would leave Papa (me) home all alone and she did not want me to be alone. Like I said, bless her heart!

So, any adivce on when my kids that are say 18 or over should or should not be told the real reason for a husband or wife leaving?

thanks

jg

John,

Wish I had the answer to that question for ya. My kids are 21, 18 and 15 and they all know the truth. My 15 DS was with me when I found out the truth on the phone and overheard what was happening. He was very angry and left hiss father a very nasty VM. He now wants nothing to with his father.

DD 18 was here at home and saw what was happening, and tried to discourage her father. She now is to the point of not speaking to him.

DS21 who lives in another state was told by his father that he left me and was living with the OW. He now has nothing to do with his father.

All of my children know were their father lives and none of them will even initiate any contact with him. Its all on him and he is not doing a good job with it all. He pretty much is so caught up in his A he is ignoring the kids.

Your children I feel are at the age I would be honest about what is going on. They are adults and can understand what is happening and need to make their own decsision as how to handle it. Hiding it from them will only enable the A IMHO. My children have voiced their opinion to their father and he has has to live with it. I had nothing to do with how they feel. Your WW needs to know how your children feel about what she is doing.

IMHO tell them the truth and let them make their own descsion on how to hanlde their mother.....

Tell the truth. Part of that will help with your Plan B. Your wife must feel the consequences of her immoral actions. Do not help in the cover-up. These kids are adults. Let them know the deal...and your wife can then deal with this in the open. Then she wont be living a lie. And the relationship with the Om will take on the smelly nastiness that it really is.

In His arms.

I will chime in here. It never a good idea to cover things up or make something up as to why. The truth comes out and kids aren't stupid they catch on really fast. Lies come back to bite you in the but. So I say before you go into Plan B tell them the truth and as to why. Explain that you love thier mother but until she commit to your marriage you would prefer not to be involved in her love triangle. Answer all of thier questions with complete honesty she may get angry but hey if you are ashamed of your behavior don't do it.

When to tell the children was the question.

Today is good.

Your children aren't babies and they've probably already figured it out, anyway. It's one thing to keep infidelity private when the two of you are actively working on saving your marriage; it's another whole kettle of fish, though, when it turns to outright lying to spare the unfaithful spouse some embarassment.

She should be embarrassed. The kids should know the truth. Let the chips fall where they may.

~ Snow

Yes, today would be a good day to tell them the truth and apologize for lying to them. They are likely not idiots and can better deal with the truth than with lies. This is THEIR LIFE and they have a right to know what is happening in it.