Just spoke with LTC... they gave my h a slap on the wrist! he said he had his catptain talk to him and told him he needed to get his "house" in order before he can go to iraq. he said h needed to show him by november drill that he has started a legal process,ie seen a lawyer and started legal sep proceedings... he said there was not much else they could do , they could not discipline him. they can only do more if he was having an affair with another military person. that this was a civil matter. all they can possibly do is make sure when he goes to iraq that i get some of his pay for my children.

what the?! mlhb

Okay...settle down. Let's look at this rationally, okay?

First off, the LTC has said he must provide within the next month legal documentation that the marriage is being ended (divorce/separation agreement). So, he is under a direct order to get his "house in order." So, if he shows up next month and doesnt have that, and is still having the affair, guess what? He is now in violation of the UCMJ by disobeying a direct order. MUCH more serious a charge against him.

I told you at the beginning of this that most commands when faced with adultery (unless it is two people in the command), will order the soldier to cease wha tthey are doing and "get their house in order." That they either stop what they are doing or seek a divorce/separation agreement. Where most of them end up getting punished is when they dont stop and the spouse comes back and then they are in violation of the disobeying a direct order statute.

So, this has followed pretty much what I expected. But it isnt over yet.

That LTC is mistaken if he believes that this is purely a civil matter. I am going to do my research now and will send you the military and civil code that will show him and the IG in that state what the law really states.

When I was an IG, we had some similar instances with guys in the Virginia National Guard. And they wanted to play the "I wasnt on duty, you cant get me" crap. But a funny thing about all of this. Every state has military statutes. The Guardsmen, while not activated, do not fall under the UCMJ...they fall under these state laws. That is because until activated, they belong to that state. Their Commander in Chief is not President Bush, but instead the governor of that state.




As you can see here, in Virginia, the law firmly states that Guardsmen are under the UCMJ through this law. So, what applies here is not the UCMJ but instead, the military laws of the State of New York (he is in the New York guard, right?). Remind me again which state he is in the Guard and I will find this in their laws.

So, the first issue has gone as expected. Your husband's career is now on the line. He is to divorce you in the next month or not be deployed. No deployment, means that his career takes a HUGE setback!

In the meantime, send me his state again and I will get you the info you need to "educate" these guys up there. It is an "old wives tale" that Guardsmen are not subject to military regulations when they are off duty. And I will get you the info so they can see that this is so.

Hang tight. The military is usually slow in its justice...but almost always thorough. I believe that if someone can show that LTC that he can treat your husband just like an active duty airman, that he would have slammed him that day and ordered him to cease contact with OW until he is divorced or legally separated.

Be still. It is okay. This is just one step. I have been doing this stuff too long not to know that your husband is going to screw up. They always do.

In His arms.

ok mortor, you have stuck with me thus far so I am gonna trust you here... Doesn't sound to me like they told him to stop contact with her. I know for a fact he had dinner with her that same night of the day they told him to "get his house in order" LTC says he does not know exactly how the conversation went with h because he only heard briefly from the captain what was said. He did not say that they gave him a direct order to get papers but he did say that h had to show some proof. I asked him if they were just going to take his word for it or if they actually had to see some papers. sounds like they want to see some papers.

It just seemed as though they really don't want to get all knee deep involved in this ya know? so, I guess we will see what happens next month. H hardly said a word to me today so I don't think he is too amused about the talk he had this weekend. Now he has to shell out a good 600.00 to get a legal sep and if it doesn't give me EVERYTHING I am entitled to under NYS law I won't be signing it (until it does). just adding to the stress he has already caused himself. I told LTC that my kids are now in counseling and that h is staying with her and how everything is falling apart around him, etc. I asked a lot of questions and he almost seemed a little impatient with me, just again, like they really don't want to be involved. But I think they can see I am not going to go away here.

We live in new york state, h is in vermont air national guard.

thank you mortor, keep sticking with me! mlhb

I am with you.

And no, they really do not want to deal with this. They are trying to fight a war here. This is the last stuff they want to deal with. So, if they can scold him, and he files and it all goes away...then that is a heck of a lot easier than a full blown deal.

With that being said, I will put together what I get from the law and regulations and send to you. You should then forward to the IG and the LTC. It will explain to them where they have gone wrong. And added to that, will let them know that they cant take the easy route.

They cant go off on you. But this bug in their butts will make it VERY hard on your husband. They will be getting very POed at him. He will be more trouble than he is worth.

So, stand by. I will get that stuff together shortly. Let me know what your husband ends up saying or doing.

In His arms.

thank you for everything mortor... I look forward to what you will be sending me. I want them to know they are not dealing with no dummy here! I wish I knew what kind of person his captain is or what exactly was said. If nothing else I am learning the lesson of patience here huh? And it is not a lesson all too easily learned. I wish God had the in the cards for my marriage to be saved but with all this is going on I just do not see it that way. I guess her family has finally agreed to meet him even though he is still very married and staying with her and he has practically abandoned his kids. They spend all their time together. We used to do that when we first met too. It hurts because if he put as much energy into us as he is putting into this we would probably have a great marriage. I don't think he will ever break it off with her. They seem to be madly into eachother. this sucks. :-( mlhb

I just want to make sure my children are ok and taken care of. If not for them I probably would have lost it by now.

I notice your wife and I are the same age mortor... my h is actually younger than me, he is 31. maybe I should have married older! mlhb

Maybe. Wife's birthday is Wednesday. She turns 35. I keep saying she had more on the ball when she was 22 than she does at 35. More common sense. she was closer to the Lord.

Oh well...

Back soon.

In His arms.

would it be easier to send me the info to my email? maybe in a word document I can print? my email is mboyea2@yahoo.com mlhb

Cannot do that. I have a rule of not sending emails to women. Keeps things out in the open and makes sure there isnt a hint of impropriety.

So, I will post here...but you can copy and paste what I post to a Word document.

In His arms.

understood mortorman. good rule to have. not sure how to copy and paste but will figure it out! :-) mlhb

I'll help you once I get it up there.

thank you! mlhb