Question, how do you know if she is useing me or not? I dont think she used me for money atleast not the last month or so we have been shareing what money we do have. I know for sure she used me for emotional support and sex, and for keeping my daughter every weekend so she could go out.

How do I know anything she says is true? She has told me its going to take time to bring down that wall. Its going to take time to get to know me. Its so hard to belive a single thing she says anymore. So many lies, so many stories.

She was honest with me about the affair when it started, she told me a week later and seperated. She did tell me when she started seeing him again. And I was there for the full breakup of this horrid mess.

The woman I married is gone, the woman she is now im not sure of at all. Part of this new woman I really like, the sexyness, but the smoking and drinking I can do without.

I have not given up yet but today is the first time in 3 months that I have not seen my daughter in 2 days and I hate that. Heck before I opend my big mouth I saw her everyday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Stupid Stupid Stupid me!

One more thing, do I need a plan A. The affair is DONE! it wasnt much of an affair anyway, more phone calls then sex.

One more thing people say "why would you want her back after what she has done" I mean who are they to judge who I care about. It really bugs me. My friends first statement to me when I told him about the affair was go bang someone. God im so glad I did not do that and I had the chance.

I think people have no clue what happens to someone when they have an affair, they seem to change so much and im sure my wife will never be the same and thats ok. Part of the new her is great. its the other part that is not so good.

Falcon,

Please read your last two posts again. You know you cannot trust her because you know the affair is not really over. It restarted once after ending, and it is not clear it is over now. So quit worrying about trusting her, she has done NOTHING to trust. She has said nothing you can trust because there have not been actions to accompany what she said.

Given that the affair restarted and you dont' really KNOW it is over (wasn't it you that just said you cannot trust her? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ), you must plan A. That means NO LB's, it means setting boundaries, it means working on your issues while doing your best to meet the needs she will allow you to meet. AND, it means you must have patience, because even if the A has ended she is in withdrawal coupled with the fact that you have made a mess of things the last few times you have seen her.

Work on your anger, controlling what you say, and thinking before you say ANYTHING. Beleive me even if she comes back you are going to have scar tissue on your tongue for years to come. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> That is the way of things, so start practicing biting your tongue, and LISTENING to her. Don't react to anything she says. Simply ask clarifying questions and then go off and THINK about this. If you are still confused call her and ask MORE clarifying questions. Once you know what she truely means, keep your mouth shut, and simply ACT on the knowledge, and often the best action is to do nothing, but gather more information.

I am betting you act out in anger because of your fear. Focus on YOUR fear, and start to address it. I might say more and probably will later, but right now, this is plenty for you to handle.

God Bless,

JL

Damn your good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

About the affair being over. Well I was there when it ended. His wife found out calls were made, his lies where found out, my wife was confronted at the county fair by her family and her. He left the I hate you b*tch message on her phone. (I heard that) Yea it was a huge mess. He used her (shocker) and I guess she used him.

As for the rest of what you say your right I need to bite my tounge. I did good for a while, so much I wanted to say for the last 4 months and I never said anything untill a few days ago.

She just called about my daughter, see if I want her this weekend. God did I blow it, before we never had to ask about who is watching her. I saw her everyday, watched tv with her at the houes now I havent seen her in 2 days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Like to cut off my tounge.

Yea im scared and have been since day one. Scared of alot of things. Wish I would of found this site 4 months ago. Things would of been much different im sure. I just hope to god its not to late.

You know you go thru life thinking everything is fine. You come home, go to work, and then one day BOOM! it seems your life is over. I dont want that old marrige back, we both were done i think, But I do want a new relationship with this woman, a fun, 50/50, loving relationship.

Ill keep my mouth shut!! and learn

Thanks Scott