I suppose that I should fill in a little bit of history first. The first D-day was 4/23/05. That was bad enough. He said that it was over right away. That was very not true. I have confronted him mant times about NC with the OW, and he has agreed a few times, but of course not followed through. He has insisted all along that he is doing nothing wrong, that they are just friends. H "disappears" after work a week ago last Sat, right after calling me to tell me to be ready to go out as soon as he gets home. It turns out that he went to see OW to break it off yet again. Or that's his story and he is sticking to it. We both have the day off of work today, but he receied a phone call from work, and had to go in to fix something. After a few hours, I miss him very much, and I feel bad because a lot of things have needed fixing at his work, and now he's stuck there on his day off. So I write a little love note on pink heart-shaped paper to slip under his windshield wiper. I go up there, and there he is leaning into the window of her car. Great. So I stop and give him the note, and suggest that he does not appear to be getting much work done. He says that he will finish up and go home. I am furious, but what can I do? I start to leave, and drive for about 15 minutes, and turn aruond and go back. She is still there. So I stop and get out of the car. A whole ugly world is about to open up to me. They have been continuing the affair this whole time. She is pregnant. He told her that he had gotten an apartment and is LEAVING ME today! They tell me all this. He got her pregnant on purpose. He & I have been trying to conceive for a long time. She offers him "a way out" but only right now. He says that he wants the baby and is leaving me. Are you wondering if I flip? Yes. So I go home and tell him that the least he can do is come home and talk to me while he packs. He gets home before I do. When I get there, he tells me that he is lying to her, and does not want to leave me, does not want to lose me, and wants to work the marriage out. We spend all afternoon trying to talk awkwardly. I am calling my Employee Assistance program tommorrow to see if we can get a couple of starter sessions of marital counseling, but no matter what, I msut get some individual counseling. I am yo-yoing between numb and overwhelmed with grief. He did call her on speaker phone with me there and tell her that he is not leaving me because he loves me, and she told him that he is a liar. He has been telling her son that he is leaving me to make them a family, and she insisted that he go over there tonight to tell the boy that he is not in person. That is where he is now. I am not OK with this. OW has a history of violence, and said on the phone that she will "take both of us down" if I went with him tonight. He believes that is a real possibility and would not entertain the notion that I go with him. I am very worried about what may be happening over at her house right now. She told him that she would have an abortion and that he is paying for it when he first told her that he would not be leaving me, but them she changed course, and said screw it , I'm having this baby. This is all too much for me, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how long is too long before I call him and ask when he is coming home. I think that this really sucks for this kid. I thought that it would be weird and awful for him if I was there. I just do not know what to do.

Make that appointment ASAP with your EAP and see if the counseling helps - mine did with our EAP, helped me and my WH at the time. (Separately!!! Don't do counseling together during the A, until No Contact & recovery start).

So sorry about the pregnancy, just keep in mind that OW's lie about stuff like that ALL the time. The OW in our situation lied about being pg all the time to get my H to come back to her. It took her 6 months of trying (and probably fertility) drugs before she pulled it off. So, until you personally see a pos pg test, I wouldn't live or die by what she says.

Breathe.

How long have you been married? Is this your H's first A?

NTL

NTL,
H & I have been married for 11 years, together for 14. I'm not doubting that she is preg. This would be the third. SHe got an abortion the first time, miscarried the second. This is all news to me, as of today.
When I breathe, I cry.
If he doesn't come home soon, I will have no way of knowing if she went nuts and hurt him (he seems to think that it's a possibility) or if he just is lying some more. I don't know if I want to get in the car and drive over there. I don't know if it would help or hurt. I don't want to look like the psycho in this thing.

Hey girl. Sorry for your sitch. But are you crazy? First off he wouldn't be there (her house) and still be living with me. He would find his sh*t in the driveway. Now from reading your post your man is a liar. Don't belive ANYTHING he says. I would go over there and say hey lets all three talk. You'd be surprised what comes out when they can't lie. As far as this woman being crazy let me ask you this. When you caught them in the parking lot what did she do? Did she jump out and go trailer trash or something? The reason I ask is funny that my H tells all his women that about me. That I'm crazy and I'll kill them. He only does it to keep them away from me and believe it or not it has worked. None of them would ever confront me on the affairs because they were scared of me. This last one of course has a kid and wouldn't tell me about it because she thought I would jump her. What am I 12? But 5 years later after I learned of the OC I did go meet her and by the end of it she was crying saying how nice I was and wasn't nothing like he told her which made her feel even more crappy for ruining a marriage. Anyway back to you. As far as the comment of taking you both down call her on it. Your best defense is to be prepared for the worst. Most people who say sh*t like that are all mouth. It's the quit ones you should fear. But your giving her control over you. Don't let her bully you. If you want to keep this man then stand up and let her know you are not taking her crap. If it goes Jerry Springer so be it. Keep swinging and keep your head lowered. In the end she'll know you were there and plan to stay. But I don't think it will go there. Also if your H is telling her all of this crap he's telling her then she's just as confused and hurt as you. If she loves him then she is. See I use to blame the other woman but I finally realized one day they just see him like I did once. He's a great guy who's sweet and caring and all the great stuff you had once upon a time with him your self. He's filling her head with some pretty serious stuff and she feels that your the crazy one who won't let go. She thinks he's all about her. But then again I would to if he got me pg three times (are you kidding?) And girl sorry but this affair is no where near over for him. He's keeping her hanging on. And that's such BS about come tell my son yourself. If he was done then he wouldn't care about telling her son sh*t. Did you check him for that sex smell when he got home? I also look at it as he was more worried about her then you just by going over there. To me that says he made his choice of who's more important. If your confused then spy on him. I mean spy. If you catch him with her then you know your fighting a losing battle. You can't win a war with someone who lies. Why because your fighting a fantasy.

I honestly do not know why he couldnot just tell the chld on the phone.

I think he is using her so called crazy behavior as an excuse for you not to contact her, and keep you in line.

I would honestly tell him what sort of fool believes that this is his child before a DNA test.

Seriously he is being a cakeman HE told you in FRONT of her what she wanted to hear WHY? because he cared about her feelings more than yours HONESTLY what if you were so distraught that you crashed your car?
I really can not believe that he did that to you, He needs to fix this asap by not having any contact untill after the child is born, in my opinion.

And you saw her take all these pg tests?
I'm sorry, but the OW in our sitch was pg, the "miscarried" then told my H that the dr. said she had actually been pg with triplets and lost only one, still having twins, then later miscarried and/or aborted them, then was pg again, then wasn't, then she was.

Puh-leeeze.

Suffice to say, the "labwork" from the dr. that she let my H glance at (at his demand) H's dr. said the #'s on it for hormone levels were bunk.

Don't torture yourself until you see a pg test and a paternity test.

I'm not saying she's not pg, just that as I said, OW's lie about that all the time.

NTL