I've been asking myself that recently. I know I wasn't always the greatest wife but I think he was/is pretty lucky to have a woman like me. I'm easy to get along with and he couldn't be with anyone who isn't because he's very high strung. I take care of myself and my appearance. I take an interest in the things he is interested in, it would be nice if he did the same but that's not a real en of mine like it is for him.

I'm left with thinking that short of turning back the clock and appearing on "girls gone wild" there's not much I could have done to prevent it. My husbands ow wasn't attractive but she was young and she dressed like an overweight street walker. Also his porn habit tells me what kind of ******* he likes.

Although I don't think he respects women like that, I know he is attracted to "bad girls".

Just a question that I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to: How many of your WS' cheated with someone younger? That question is for those over 35.

Oddly, in both of my marriages, they cheated with OLDER women!

At D-day.....my xWS was 47 years old. OW (other CHILD???)
was 21 years old. The OW was the same age as my ex's oldest child, but "she's been through a lot and is very mature for her age." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

OW was decent looking, had the long hair and larger breasts that my ex liked, medium build. (Well she wasn't exactly med. build when I found out about the affair. She was 7 months pregnant!) Others said that she lacked intelligence, motivation, and class.

As you noted, there wasn't a darn thing I could do about being younger! I did find it interesting, however, that she changed her dark blonde hair color to red, and cut it shorter (although not real short)....shortly after I had gone red with my short hair!

As for her "maturity"...my ex talked about how immature she was when it came to taking care of the baby's needs. Hers always came first!

My WH lives with the OW. She's ten years younger than him, eight years younger than me.

It's not an enormous age difference, but I guess it's enough. Enough to flatter his ego.

She hasn't given birth to two children, either.

Apart from that, I'd say his choice was a definite downgrade (meow!). Love is certainly blind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

My XW cheated with a man that was 45 years old when she was 32. He was not and still is not even remotely attractive and she told me that "she was not attracted to him".....All the questions like...how could you ....? remain...they really ca not be answered...do not do it to yourself..don't try and compare...the OP did not have your spouse...they had someone else....that you really did not want anyway...

I think that the real reason is that WH never really viewed us as a team unit at all. He always engaged in a lot of independent behavior, that left me feeling rather abandoned and used. At work they are a team. The bank spends money on weekend holidays and excursions for their employees, invests a lot in motivating teamwork. Great, but if a S is not protecting their vulnerabilities, it is a breeding ground for an A. We got into a negative cycle. Prince Charming is a conflict avoider. I push to find solutions to problems quickly. The more he avoids, the more I push. The more I push, the more he avoids.

Now I am in Plan B. In Plan A I showed him a more patient woman, a better listener, no more disrespectful judgments or angry outbursts. Still, I consistently put on pressure for NC.
With Plan B the pressure on WH for NC is gone. Sometimes I feel like "pushing" for a divorce. It is the only solution I have in my control. WH can live quite comfortably in limbo forever.

Wh and I are both 37, OW is between 24-26. I think the attraction is that english is her second language, so WH can just spout all his bull to her and she just looks at him and coos. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WH and I are both 47, OW is 29 - young enough to be his daughter. He met her on AdultFriendFinder.com and the attraction was, of course, her sexual adventurousness. She is not physically attractive.

Well, you can see from my profile below that I am quite a bit older than my FWH. So, yes, he cheated with someone younger than me, younger than him by two years. But, it was never about how I looked or how she looked. She is overweight and unattractive, I certainly am neither. It was more about her expression to him of how wonderful he was, how smart, how sexy, bla, bla, bla. All things he wasn't hearing from me. Plus she certainly was willing to give him a romping ride in the hay, which at the time, I wasn't.

But then, I was overworked in a very stressful job being the primary income earner for the duration of our relationship. She was an unemployed, spoiled brat who was looking for someone to support her. Of course, she never realized that the reason he had plenty of money to spend on her was because I was the one paying most of the bills.

It doesn't bother me that she was younger. The age difference between my FWH and I has never been the issue.

It's amazing how alike these things are:

***I think that the real reason is that WH never really viewed us as a team unit at all.***
CHECK

***He always engaged in a lot of independent behavior, that left me feeling rather abandoned and used.***
CHECK

***At work they are a team.***
CHECK

***The bank spends money on weekend holidays and excursions for their employees, invests a lot in motivating teamwork.***
CHECK (and zero on anything where spouses are invited along - because spouses are NEVER invited along)

***Great, but if a S is not protecting their vulnerabilities, it is a breeding ground for an A.***
CHECK

***We got into a negative cycle. Prince Charming is a conflict avoider.***
CHECK

***I push to find solutions to problems quickly. The more he avoids, the more I push. The more I push, the more he avoids.
CHECK

The real reason? Because he could.

Because his work situation, perfectly described above, was the perfect enabler and the perfect cover and the perfect excuse.

Because a wife at home, girls in his car, girls on his arm, and girls at the Company dinners and celebrations are all big big status symbols for a Really Important Man.

Because it was really, really fun for him to have both a wife at home and girls at work.

Because he could.

They're all the same.
Mulan

My OW was about 10 years younger than me...she was about 27 and I was about 37.

Another,
My EXWW fell for a co-worker that was 15 years younger than her. He is only 7 years older than our Daughter. I don't think this has anythihg to do with why it happened. I think that this guy happen to show an interest in her at a time when she was vulnerable.
Being the conflict avoider she is, she never once opened up to me and expressed any concerns or needs in our relationship. When given an option to have those needs met by someone else she jumped on it(figuratively and literally). She continued our relationship as normal because I met some of her needs and he met the rest. Cake eating as it's called here. Eight months into this triangle I find out about it and finally the issues come out. Not the best way to deal with a marriage. Definitely the most emotionally damaging.

dukhuntr