I am a FWS who would like to get some support and give some support to others who have realized the wrong and hurt they did, but whos husbands have decided to move on.

Welcome Sosorrygreen,
Dorry is a fws. It might be helpful to look at some of her old posts.
This is a great place for support.

Green,

I am a FWS. My H filed for D. He is now possibly considering reconciliation, although at this point he isn't even willing to cancel our mediation appointment.

SSG, I read your posts on the planA/B board. I am going to bump up a thread by kyellow for you to read. I also encourage you to seek out any posts by KiwiJ., Dorry and Whisper28

Thanks. I will be looking at their posts.

SSG, I just bumped kyellow4's thread for you

Got it and she is SO right! Thanks,

SSG, here are a few threads to hopefully help you out. Your H used to post here, correct? Are you two in contact at all? Are you in the D process?

Try these threads:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1274886

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=2&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2778348

Thanks for the threads to look into. Yes my husband use to post here too. I found out who he was and he quit. FOM's wife posts here too. Still does. H and I still are in contact, but only about the kids and about a D. Want to know something about our story feel free to ask.
Thanks again for the threads, SSG

The fact that you are here is great whether your M survives or not you will experience personal growth and recovery which will help you succeed in another relationship in the future. Glad FOM's W is getting help too. Your H is a very good man.

Ya, I know he is a good man. I know it better than anyone. I have seen him grow from a boy to a man that I am very proud of. He has been through alot. Too much and what I did just killed him inside. I know that. I am so sorry for that. I wish I could take the pain away.

I have read Dorrys post and some of what she went through, I did too. Some things the same, some things different.

I also wanted to say too that there is alot of talk on here about what a ws feels with the op and what they feel for their spouse. To me there is a huge difference. With your spouse it is real and special and a connection. With the op it is lies and it is something that is wrong and not in Gods plan for us. My A happened (among other reasons)because I became addicted to the attention I was getting from the op and came to always expect it and looked forward to it. It was wrong and I was wrong. The hurt and pain that something like this brings to so many people that we love is not worth it. I want to do whatever I can to see that others don't make the same mistakes I did.

SSG,

Unfortunately, by the time a WS finds this site it is too late.

TreborRose, sometimes it's too late, but not always. But in situations where hoping in a failing marriage seems hopeless, boards like this can help FWS's heal themselves so they don't continue a pattern of self-destructive behavior. I think that's what SSG is looking to do, right?
SSG, you said that the addiction to attention was at the root of your A "among other things". Pretty common reason, really, but have you looked at what those other things are? What kind of support are you looking for here? What do you, as a person, want to gain from fellow affairees?

Whoah Nellie! SSG, sorry but I just figured out who the other board members in your perticular sitch are and I'm feeling a bit funny about posting to both you and your OMW. I don't know that I can explain why. That's what I get for being not-so-observant. Does it make you feel funny to have both sides of your story on here?
I'll go away. Hope you get the support you need, everybody here deserves it.

""sorry but I just figured out who the other board members in your perticular sitch are""

WOW! How'd you figure that out? Maybe you are one of them? Hmmmmm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

k

Krusht, the stories were familiar but I'd never put them together till SSG said her FOMW was still posting here. No, I'm not giving out names. Just curious, though, who referred who to MB, and SSG are you and FOMW still on speaking terms? Has that had any role in your H not wanting to recover? Is FOM posting on the boards too?
Knew who SSG's H was from his posts a long time ago. FF was right, he's a good man. Hope things work out for you SSG.

AlterEgo,
Posting here I just wanted to get some idea of how to move on. I really think I am getting there, have no other choice. It all hurts so much still but I know all I can do is be the person I know I can be and be the best mom I can for my kids. I do know what the other reasons were and I am working on them. I know my self imagage was a big problem for me. I cant really say on here what the other things are because I am reminded (and rightly so) that in the end it was my choice and I could have and should have done something about what was going on. What do I want to gain from other affairees? I guess just some hope that even when things seem like they are hopeless that someway life will go on. And my goal is to make the most out of my life now and love what I do have now.
Think you found the rest of us out huh? Wouldn't be hard. I dont feel weird about us all posting here. I only hope it helps somehow, for all of us. Just don't feel like people should judge us on here because you cant tell everything in your story on these posts.
Hope all this sounds they way I am trying to get it across. My communication skills stink. Something else that needs to be worked on.

SSG, you will learn a lot of yourself here if you open yourself up to it. I am both a FWW and BS. I have been on both sides of the hurt and the damage in my M is huge. Keep posting, keep reading, growing etc. BTW, where are you in having a faith?

Actually my Husband told myself and FOMW about this site.
FOMW and I are no longer talking. Its just best for all concerned. I don't know if FOMW and I talking had anything to do with H not wanting to recover. We had both said that we would drop the friendship if that is what he wanted.

I am a member of The church of Christ. My faith is so much stronger now and I know that I can only get through this with the love Christ has for me. I would normally be a mess with all this going on, but I pray everyday and read my Bible everyday and I feel blessed when I do. Before the A I never prayed or read the Bible. Now its a part of me that I cant go without. I feel myself being stonger and I know its because God is walking this journey with me. I also have some really wonderful Christian friends and my father and step mother are wonderful Christians. They encourage me all the time. My step mother started a womans accountability group that I plan on taking part in when I move there next year. Hoping I can help others that have been through similar situations like me.