WILL TRY TO MAKE THIS SHORT.HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A WOMAN FROM
WORK.WIFE FOUND OUT,TOLD ME TO LEAVE.BEEN MARRIED 8 YEARS
LIVED TOGHTHER TWO YEARS BEFORE THAT. HAVE A 5 YR OLD SON
I'M HER 2ND HUSBAND.1ST HUBAND CHEATED ON HER TWICE SHE TOOK
HIM BACK EACH TIME.3RD TIME HE DID SHE LEFT.TOOK ME FOREVER
TO GET HER TO TRUST ME AND HAVE FAITH IN MEN IN GENERAL AGAIN.TOLD ME IF I EVER CHEATED ON HER SHE WOULD BE GONE.
PROMISED I WOULDN'T BUT I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY
LIFE AND DID CHEAT.TODAY IS 1 MONTH SINCE SHE FOUND OUT.THE
D WORD HASN'T CAME UP,SHE DOESN'T WORK AND SAID IF I WILL CONTINUE TO PAY BILLS JUST LIKE I DID SHE WOULDN'T FILL FOR
D OR PUSH THE CHILD SUPPORT ISSUE.SHE IS LETTING ME HAVE SON
2 TO 3 NIGHTS A WEEK GOING TO PARENTS HOUSE WITH HIM TO SPEND TIME TOGHTHER.SHE SAYS SHE STILL LOVES ME BUT NOT IN
LOVE WITH ME NOW.HAS NO DESIRE TO BE WITH ME RIGHT NOW.MAYBE IN SEVERAL MONTHS,YEAR YEAR AND HALF WE MIGHT BE
TOGHTER AGAIN BUT NOT NOW.SAYS I BROKE HER HEART THE LAST THING SHE THOUGHT I WOULD EVER DO.WE HAVE SOME RENTAL HOMES
CLOSE TO OUR HOME WON'T EVEN ALLOW ME TO STAY IN THEM NOT A
GOOD IDEAL AFRAID I WOULD BE COMING OVER TO HOUND HER ABOUT US NOT COMING OVER TO SEE SON.HAVE SENT FLOWERS,CARDS,BOUGHT
GIFTS,POEMS,SONGS.BOUGHT THE BOOK AFTER THE AFFAIR SHE SAID
SHE LOOKED AT IT.BUT ONLY HIGHLIGHTED NEGATIVE STUFF.PRINT STUFF OFF THIS WEBSITE AND OTHER DAILY.SAYS SHE READS IT.HAS
NO INTREST IN COUNSELING SAYS SHE DIDN'T SCREW UP I DID.NO
INTREST IN CHURCH SAID I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT CHURCH WHEN I WAS HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE.SAYS SHE DOESN'T
KNOW IF SHE COULD BE FAITHFUL TO ME IF WE DID WORK THINGS OUT. SAYS SHE CAN'T EVEN GIVE 10 PERCENT TO TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT. WHAT CAN I SAY OR DO TO GET HER TO GIVE ME A
CHANCE TO PROVE I CAN BE FAITHFUL,WE CAN RESTORE TRUTH,WE CAN BUILD A STRONGER MARRIAGE,WE CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN.SHE IS
SO STUBBORN AND THAT DEFENSIVE WALL IS HIGHER NOW THAN IT WAS BEFORE. PLEASE HELP ME.. THANKS

I'm sorry but she is not being stubborn and her defensive wall is her only safety net right now. I've been there and done that.

How did your W find out about your affair with OW?

How long were you having the affair?

Work,

""HAVE SENT FLOWERS,CARDS,BOUGHT
GIFTS,POEMS,SONGS.BOUGHT THE BOOK AFTER THE AFFAIR""

Keep doing these things. Woo her back slowly. Don't push it. Consider this is going to take a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGG time.

""TOLD ME IF I EVER CHEATED ON HER SHE WOULD BE GONE.""

And you still did it, you bonehead!

AND QUIT YELLING!!!

k

lol

Alright guy I will chime in here seeing as how I am just like your wife in some ways. Let me tell you 2 marriages both cheaters with the second 8 years also. Took 4 to marry him after getting burned badly by the first. Take it one day at a time acount for your were abouts to her even if you aren't living with her. Keep up the gifts reassure her that it was a mistake and that you are remorseful. Not sorry. Sorry is just a word we use like toliet paper.
Seek IC ask her to join you after a few sessions. Be sympathic to her answer her questions truthfully no lies. Read everything here and order the books here. Learn what it is like to be a BS and how painful it is. If more WH would come here like you have things would be a lot different. I am a BS but I believe everyone deserves a shot at saving thier marriage if they are truly repentant for what they have done. Mine isn't and may never be. I will try to help you if I can but you are in a good place for help.

Did you end contact with the OW or are you still seeing her every day at work? Becasue your W is not safe until you cease all contact with the OW.

She is very hurt and it seems she is not the type of W or woman that is appeased by gifts. You will have to try something else to win her back, if that is possible at this point.

Lady

WorkCheater,

First, look over on the left side of your keyboard. Press CapsLock. If you still see all capitals, press it again. Good.

Now, you want your wife back, right?

1) Quit your job. Today.
2) Get another job. Tomorrow.

3) Never have any contact with the other woman - or anybody connected with her - for the rest of your life.

Then, you'll be in a better position to crawl back to your wife.

Stick around here. There are many people who can help you.

-AD

Sorry about the cap locks. Affair lasted 4 months. W found
out from OW husband,she quit her job here.They are trying
to work things out even tho she doesn't want to.OW calls
me and I hang up on her.I have told her it is over and I
want my wife back.OW says she wants me I tell her no and
hang up.Gifts are not working.Wife did call me last night
after reading some of the stuff I printed from this website.
We talked alot about why Affair happened she apolgized for
not showing me more attention,but said I hurt her so bad and
don't think she could ever trust me again.Wouls always be looking over her shoulder wondering if I was faithful.

Have you written her a no contact letter? Make a plan that provides your wife safety. Block her numbers. If you can't change your number. Tell your wife after you've done this. Write a no-contact letter. Short and simple. "What we did was wrong. I love my wife very much and I'm trying to save my marriage. DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN." Give the letter to your wife and ask her to approve it and mail it for you.


There are no reasons for conversation to be long enough for you to say 'no'. If she's calling at work, the instant you hear her voice 'CLICK'....


Are they hurting? NO. Are they erasing what you did? NO... If you are giving them with any expectation then you need to look at why you are giving them. I would say that they are working. FLowers, gifts, cards, poems all can make love bank deposits but you have to realize her bank is in the RED big time.


And that's a true and valid feeling. Nothing you can say can change that but what you do can. Be all about her and all about marriage. Do those nice things. DO NOT LOVE BUST. Write the no-contact letter. End the calls. Go to counselling to see why you chose to cheat. Read. Read. Read. As someone else suggested, invite her to counselling after several sessions. Deposit. Deposit. Deposit.

This is all pretty fresh. The recovery time from an affair is guesstimated at 18-24 months. That she's now a two time loser may increase that time. In my humble opinion thought, the ball is in your court and the only words that count for points are the unspoken ones that speak through your actions.

Joanna,

""Not sorry. Sorry is just a word we use like toliet paper.""

Very good!! I like that!

k <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

If she's reading the stuff from here, and actually starting to talk to you already this is a good sign.

With her history, I'm surprised she's making a move this early. The ball is definately in your court.

I believe you're only going to get ONE shot at this, so you better give it all you have.

CALM DOWN. Breathe. You're posting in several different places. All the information I was looking for was right here.

Tell your W that you want to send the OW a NC letter, with her approval of the wording. Let her know the OW is still making every attempt to contact you. GET YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER CHANGED TODAY.

Think in ACTIONS...not words.

Thanks all help and advice is helpful