I'm in a relationship where -- OMG -- we actually have plans a WHOLE MONTH FROM NOW.

I don't know how to act! For the past two years, my life has been on a very short horizon -- nothing more than two weeks in the future with anyone I was "seeing."

There's even talk ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ) of NEXT SUMMER.

hehe. Good for you!!! I have future plans... lunch plans for tomorrow. <giggle> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm kinda amazing myself here.

Usually this sort of thing makes me claustrophobic!

I was really comfortable bringing him around my racing crew. He's met my two oldest kids briefly. Lets just say that the last few I dated for a looooong time and never got that far.

I have a rule of thumb that seems like a good guideline.
Don't make firm plans for more than 1/2 the time you've been dating.
So, have you been seeing him for more than 2 months <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />?

Enjoy, if it's easy, even better.

Ahhhhh. Now this is the kind of thing I like to read! Life does go on after all, huh, Lexxxy?

Does he kiss good? Just teasing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Newly -- I like your guideline. I'm bending the rule a little I guess -- we've only been seeing each other a month.

Since schedules get tight with 3 kids and a career, you need to look ahead a little. With my last BF this was a source of much frustration for me. I'd talk to him about what I had going on for the week and maybe Wednesday would be the only free night I had. He could never commit to seeing me that night -- it always had to be last minute plans.

This guy actually TALKS to me about my schedule and coordinates and plans time with me. Its awesome!

Check -- (yes!!) LOL

Hoping for nothing but the best for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You can do it!! Enjoy!

Its so nice to have all of you cheering for me!
Thanks so much! It been officially 1 month (today) since our first date.

And I have nothing but good news to report. I'm taking all of my MB learnings into this new relationship!

He treats me so wonderfully. And I just want to do the same for him.

I've officially notified all of my dating "circle" that I am off the market. And not surprisingly xBF is increasing his efforts to pursue me.

He called me twice last night (I didn't answer.) We officially "broke up" in early July. We've stayed in touch and had many relationship (ugh) talks since then. We're officially **friends**. I haven't disclosed my other dates or the fact that I've settled on one, because he would assume that I'm doing it to get his attention. I'd rather not deal with that. So I'm not dishonest with him, but also not forthcoming. Any ideas on that?

I don't understand. Did you notify your XBF that you're off the market?

If you didn't tell him of your other dates or the one, then why is he stepping up his contacts with you.

I think you already have his attention. It sounds to me that he needs a cleaner break. As long as he thinks there is a chance with you, he is going to continue. Personally, I don't think you are going to be able to be "friends" with him. The relationship needs to be severed completely.

LEXXY,

It took BF and I 6 months before we started making future plans. We just took things very slow, one day at a time. This was the first relationship for both of us and we were aware of rebound and all that. So we took is slow and it is a LDR, plus I have kids and did not want them to meet him until I see that our realtionship is secure,so it forced us to be realistic and not rush into anything.

Best of luck to you!

TBG --
xBF and I actually broke things off quite some time before I met my current guy.

XBF and I have been fizzling out for a long time and have had a series of break-up/make-up. He is an absolute committment phobe.

I think he is viewing the current break-up as another temporary one, where I view it as a permanent one. I just didn't want to put my dates "in his face" or hurt him. I'm just staying away from him (physically, not dating or seeing him in person) but we'll talk a couple times a week on the phone. He never asks about me dating, and I don't tell. Its his idea to stay friends (I happen to think its pretty unrealistic...)

This week in particular, I've seen my new guy every nite and am therefore unavailable to talk to xBF. When he can't reach me it makes him more persistant. Its that same old game that he wants what he can't have -- but when it was available to him, he didn't want it.

I know I'm gonna have to just tell him. Yuck.

Immovingon -- how old are your kids? does he have kids also?
how long until you introduced them?

My two oldest (almost 20 and 17) are OK with Mom dating. My 12 year old is opposed and would really prefer not to be confronted with it.

Lexxy,

The guy I'm seeing is like your xbf. He had a four year on and off again relationship with his last gf while they dated, broke up, stayed friends, stayed friends with benefits, and back to friends before she made it no contact.

Some days I can see why she did what she did.

V.

Lexxy,

My kids are 19, 11, 9, and twins are 7. I introduced BF to kids after 10 months.

BF does not have kids of his own.

My 9 yr old is OK with me dating, but does not want his Mom or Dad to get married again. When I ask him why, he said that he does not want to deal with step siblings.

Sunny -- that sounds about right, and I think I'm ready for the "no contact" part now. That relationship was always a good friendship but never a good partnership. I had a need to prove to him that not all women were bad and would treat him bad. yah, up to me to represent all of womankind....

His latest deal was to tell me that we're "soulmates" but he still just doesn't want a girlfriend (unless of course said girlfriend finds herself another man or is somehow unavailable) He's about as FOGGY as they get.

Anyways, I was hesitant to talk to him about it. But I think I'd better just bite the ol bullet and 'git r done."

New guy is just wayyyyyy too worthwhile to let anything get in the way -- and 2am phone calls from the XBF? just not cool.

May as well do it tonight -- wish me luck!

Movingon -- I've got the same deal with BF no kids. He's absolutely great with little kids.

Well the disclosure call did not go off as planned.

I spoke to XBF early in the evening with the intent to let him know I am dating (exclusively). I made a joke about a new recipe I found and how I don't want it getting out that I have any domestic skills (an old joke between us...) He managed to throw in that if "we lived together he would share those duties with me just like laundry and other household chores" WTF???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> After nearly choking, I managed to say that I think I need to just find a man who loves to cook, grocery shop and do laundry, all the things I hate most.

We chatted for a while about some of his home projects, plans for his son this weekend, my son's hockey tryouts...then somebody stopped by his place and he had to go.

Subsequently I got 3 more calls from him last night while I was unavailable (date with new BF.)

Ok...so today will be the day. Try Try Again.

* * * * * *

Separate update: New BF and I went out last night and had an awesome time as usual. We can talk for hours and time just flys by. He'll be gone this weekend hunting and fishing with friends. I'll miss him. He's planning to come find me on Sunday at the race track. I'm really happy when I'm with him or thinking about him, and he feels the same.

He's really hitting my EN's in a good good way.
Conversation: we can talk for hours, easily.
SF: kissing is awesome, everything on track!
Affection: perfect, he's very affectionate and sweet.
Rec. Companionship: wants to spend time with me, loves races and cars (like me) has other interests he wants to share with me.
Admiration: makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself.
Domestic: willing to share duties, takes care of me, very attentive and gentlemanly.
Financial: happy with his job which is more important to me than how much he makes. I make enough money.
Family: important to him, close to his parents and siblings - even closer to the nieces and nephews -- loves kids. I could actually see myself having more with him.

All of this needs to stand the test of time. We're very early into this. But so far...all good.

I love reading your BF update Lex! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> That's great!

Let us know about the xBF.

XBF update

Had my conversation with Xbf last Friday nite (on the phone).
Went good from my perspective. Told him that I am sorry he wasn't sufficiently healed from his previous relationships and that I genuinely hope that he can have a healthy relationship in the future. That I had at one time hoped we could work on a deeper relationship but I know now that isn't possible. And that I am moving on.

I know that one of the things that "bothers" him is that it is easier for me to move on than it is for him. That somehow invalidates my feelings for him -- that I could never have cared about him that much if I can just find someone new so quickly. Thats not a trap that I'm going to fall into -- I don't feel a need to prove to him that I loved him so much that I can't go on..<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.Those feelings faded a long time ago. It didn't happen instantly, it was a series of disappointments spread over many months.

So...I haven't heard from him since. And would be glad if this just fades into the background.

* * * * * * * *

New BF update

He was out of town this weekend (fishing). As soon as he got back into town, he called me and we spent time together Sunday night. He said he wished he had called me before he left (not necessary -- but so sweet!)

He's getting a *lot* of teasing from friends and family about me. But they are all happy for him. He says I am a celebrity <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> with his friends (no other girl got through the defenses for 12 years....) Plus he made the apparently unmanly comment about the fall colors being "pretty" -- which according to his friends means he is in love! LOL.

We've mapped out the week and found where we can spend some time together -- its my "kid" week, which gets really busy.

His family and friends are accustomed to him being available to help with projects etc. He told me I'm the new priority, and they'll just have to get used to him being less available (awwwwww....)
I am SMITTEN.