I was wondering what MB'ers would advise to me removing myself for a short while? I was planning not to tell him so as to reduce the chance for him to plan alternative activities!
H told me about A 6 May 2005 - with work colleague. Successful Plan A - with plan to review on 06 October - I define successful as in my no L.B.'s behaviour but, have not been able to expose too succesfully as I would look too vindictive and contact still with OW. I would like to get away for a few days and was wondering whether this is beneficial - or have others just spent the time anxious and worried. I was contemplating whether I should combine break away with a Plan B letter - as I am getting nowhere - please advise.

Affairs thrive on lies and secrecy. Marriages thrive on openess and honesty.

Why are you protecting and enabling your H's affair?

Is the OW married?
Do WH and OW work together?

You need to expose and then do some more Plan A. Read up. Plan A is a lot more than no LBs... its about self improvement, fulfilling ENs, and negotiating the end of the A.

Quote:I would look too vindictive

Vindictive to who???????????????

To a man that broke his marriage vows, engaged in sexual relations with someone other than his wife, lied about a huge portion of his life and last but not least exposed you to an assortment of STD's.

Yeah,I agree, you should correct your moral compass to the heading that this man is on.

That would be very convienent for your hubby and the OW. Heck, why not drop her a key to the house. I've seen that you've been in contact with the OW-Hubby, what's he saying? IMVHO....EXPOSE...EXPOSE....EXPOSE.... Make a plan in one giant sweep expose to anyone who has any influence in your husbands life. DO NOT DO IT IN A VINDICTIVE MANNER.... Simply state the facts "hubby's having an affair with so and so and I'm trying to save our marriage, we could use your support". His parents, her parents, his siblings...EVERYONE... And what is their relationship at work? Either of them supervisors? EXPOSE..EXPOSE...EXPOSE...


Plan B does not work while they are in an active affair, it's meant to get people off the fence. From what you are describing he's not on the fence, heck he's in her back yard. Exposure and breaking up the affair get him to the fence and then you'll have to decide if he needs Plan B to get off of it.....

Thanks for the advice - I re read my question and realise that I am losing my confidence in my ability to turn my husband around. I have done a good Plan A except for perhaps the most important part - exposure. I know that I would find it so, so humiliating. I have spoken to the OW partner - and he has not done 'it' too. I keep asking him to meet to discuss a pincer attack on them. They seem to be calling all the shots and we are just letting them. I know it - but I think both of us are not good on confrontations.

I have just had to attend a work event - we both work in local goverment. My husband was the keynote speaker and I was one of the delegates. I was so upset and did not hang around at lunchtime - as I could not bear to pretend that we were a happily married couple. He is such a good actor and I assume that he wants me to disappear and he will explain me away quite easily. I need to get my confidence back. I have re-read all the inspirational messages again - and I am sure that will re-energise me.

Chivers,

""I know that I would find it so, so humiliating. I have spoken to the OW partner - and he has not done 'it' too.""

This is very confusing! OW partner..as in not married? So OW parner knows about the A? Did he before?

What I am reading is you exposed to him but he has not confronted the OW yet. If that is what 'it' means.

#1 priority is stopping the A. BY ANY (LEGAL) MEANS.

Your reluctance to expose because it would be sooooo humiliating does not read well to this audience. KnowadImean?

You should get very angry!! Maybe that will over ride your humiliation!!

k

The OW is not married - but has been in a realtionship for 16 years. The OW told her partner one month after my husband told me. OW partner contacted me to discuss the affair - he knew that I had been told - and we speak weekly. Both of us have not exposed to anyone else who is significant - I have told my two friends - who live 250 miles away, the OW partner has told his sister. They maintain an active social life - whereas we don't as we only moved her late last year and do not know very many people. I am sorry that that I do not make the grade as far as other LB posters - in relation to exposure and lacking confidence - but I am really struggling.