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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Just wondering what some of you would do. My H birthday is on the day he first slept with his co-worker.I guess they tried before but he said no.She would'nt leave him alone and invited him over on his b-day he got out of school early and went to her house.They did have sex and it happed 4 more times.I found out it ended right away.WE are in such a better place now.We have a love we never new could exist.We came along away.
My question his b-day is coming up i know i will have a hard time.He do'nt even want to celabrte it,but we have to kids.
Any Advice
Thanks,
#1mom
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Although it may be a trigger, I say celebrate his birthday, and enjoy it. Once you get past it, you will be soooooo relieved.
Time to start working on building a new life together.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Number one mom,
The o/w has taken too much from you already.
Do not let her take your husband's birthday away by making you think of it as a trigger. This is something that will occur every year, so imho, I would try to reprogram the way I think about my husband's birthday.
Maybe it might be looking at his baby pictures or maybe talking about the day your w/h was born with his mother.
If it was me, I would think good thoughts that had nothing at all to do with the aliens and the o/w affair starting on w/h's birthday.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948 |
Plan something nice, you have to take back the things that OW tried to take away. If you do his bday year in, year out in a few years it won't be so bad of a trigger.
I felt bad because I inadvertently slipped to a friend that I had been posting here over Labor Day, and mentioned that it was a busy weekend for people and on the Just Found Out board... forgetting that her D-Day was Labor Day. But you know what? She looked at me and said "I found out 7 years ago on Labor Day weekend, and this is the first year that I forgot about finding out about the affair this weekend. I didn't think of it all weekend until you mentioned that just now." So, see? In time you might not even think of it at all...
BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 615
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 615 |
TAKE BACK THAT DAY!!! I know for myself I'm already planning ways to take back April 14th as MY day, not D-day. If your H doesn't want a birthday party for himself, throw a birthday party anyway, even for just your little family--you, H, and the kids. The birthday you'll be celebrating is for your new marriage, your new life together.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Thank you all so much.
My H is already taking the day off from work.It will be just him and me until the kids get home.I think i will take everyones advice and take back the day and not let her win.It is my day,our day.
Thanks
#1mom
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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