Here is my story:

My WH has been bowling for years and going out or doing things without me for the better part of our 21 year marriage. I have never had any doubt that he was doing anything deceitful to me. According to him he had been bowling with the OW for the
Last few months and they were “friends” the A didn’t begin until May 2005. I truly
Had no idea as my WH was working a lot of OT and his weekends have always been
The same. Of course there was a time he got home at 3:30 a.m. and he told me the
Next day that it was earlier…and always had an excuse for the 2:30 a.m…bowling late
Ect…and I bought it. June was tense and I still didn’t know what was going on and
Our Sex life wasn’t that great. I also stopped waiting on him as I had done for years
Because he seemed to be depressed and stopped talking to me. In July I started to write
On our calendar the hours he was away from home and accused him of having fun while
I had none. The first of August came and we had a few fights and I was under the impression that the WH was still very upset with me for our financial problems from the
Year before. This prompted me to go to the library and get a book on “When you Lover
Is a Liar” and Dr. S book on the proper care and feeding of Husbands. I really thought
That I was the problem and the book on Liars was for me because I wanted to know
Why over the years I couldn’t be honest with my husband on our finances. The other book from Dr. S was something that I heard of and thought I would read….Anyway my
H saw the books and I remember him asking what they were for and I said me. I didn’t
Know that this was the start to the beginning of the end of the Affair. I read how Dr. S
Talked about giving your husband all he sex he needs and also about taking care of all
His other needs and not being selfish. I felt bad for neglecting him for the last couple of
Months and started doing things for him again. I also had really missed seeing my husband over the last couple of months and gave sex a brand new start. I found out that
I was really enjoying it and thought that my husbands suggestions were those told to
Him by friends and never knew that he was getting hands on experience with the other
Woman. My husband noticed that I was improving and had made comments during our
Fights that our sex life (because of the improvement and high frequency) was really
Confusing things….I had no idea. He also didn’t understand how I “changed” within
A short period of time. I told him that I had read the book from Dr. S and felt that I
Was neglecting him….did he want me to stop – the response was no. He just kept feeling
That it was temporary or fake, which I insisted it wasn’t either. We continued to fight
On and off while me still being loving and giving to every sexual need he wanted as well
As I became more domineering to our sex life (which he has asked me to do several times
Over the years) towards the end of August I started to wonder about him having an affair
And found Marriage Builders. I dismissed it and thought surely not in a million years. Then things started adding up, like when he would hide to make a cell phone call and then I overheard him talking to his cousin about how “she was freaking out because he was calling her too much – Friday and Saturday…which I knew wasn’t me” that is when
I started to question and he denied it ….this went on for about a week. He finally admitted to it. Although he didn’t tell me who or details. My whole world came crashing
Down. I do remember at that point giving him a hug and telling him he was my friend
Always and that I loved him. I told him that I would let him make any decision he wanted
And that I wanted him to be happy. I had no idea that the other woman had broken it off
With him and he still very much wanted her. He was still trying to contact her but from what he says she wouldn’t speak to him. I continued to sleep with him and be nice to him.
He made contact with the other woman the first weekend of September and I told him that this was all too much and he was breaking my heart. I packed up all his stuff and when he got home he said he wasn’t leaving and wanted all his stuff back. He also said that He was mine 100 %. He has had a hard time with me tagging along to all his activities
And we have had quite a few fights about “his space”. You know I have some trust issues. Over the last month I have had 3 times where I demanded that he move out and
Also threats of exposure. I have listened well to him over the last month and recorded
Everything in my journals. I found out who the other woman was and many,many other
Details. Whenever we went out I would dress to the nines and got better and better at
Sex. I wanted him to want me bad. He has been the nicest ever to me, more thank yous
And finally the I love you’s are back. He is being more appreciative and I think realizing
What he could have lost. When we go out, I think he notices the second looks I get from
Other men (which never happened before as I never went out with him) Also its weird
That in May I started to go to the gym 5 times a week and lost another 26 pounds and
Got very toned. He also had a comment a couple of days ago from a 30 year old guy co-worker who had seen me with him on Friday at work (I never go to his workplace as he
Commutes) this co-worker thought I was the girlfriend…my husband said how old do
You think she was …he said 28 or 29. No my husband said she is 39 and she is my wife.
I think that slowly he is coming around. I met with the woman pastor at church yesterday
And told my husband about the meeting. I think he was relived that the pastor didn’t tell
Me to leave him. I need to focus on his good. I need to get out the scrapbook I was working on about him this spring and if a page (like trust) doesn’t now fit, set it to the
Side for now. I think that this actually made me husband feel good. I also said that when
He makes hurtful comments to me that I am calmly going to let him know ( he is famous
For making such comments) I do think that things are looking up but it has been one mean rollercoaster ride.

Chat
M for 21 years
BS , me 39
Him 42
OW 29
Kids 11,15,17

Wow chat!
You did all of that without marriage builders. Did you happen to notice that Dr. Laura also says that her book is not meant for marriages with adultery going on?
I guess that is the difference between Dr. Laura's thinking and the Harley's thinking.
You will have to write into Dr. Laura's show and tell her how you used her ideas to win your husband's heart back to you. How long from discovery to him telling you he loves you?

KDS,
I have been doing this for 9 weeks....the first 2 weeks
he was still trying to stay in the A (I hadn't an idea yet
that an A was going on) then the next 2 I was starting to
get an idea, the next week #5 I confirmed and then # 6 & 7
he was still in the fog and the last 2 he started really
turning around. The most noticiable was this last week. You
are right the book I think is to prevent an A, which of course at the time I thought of but didn't know he was already involved. I do really think I made him really see
how badly he wanted me and also know that I loved him ..
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