The child/any child should have all medical history both sides
the mother's and the fathers medical history,NEVER SAID Records. You never know what may happen in any child's life. To not have it in any child's medical history is WRONG!! I feel even adoptees and even sperm donor should have a medical history w/o the names of the adoptees natuaral parent's or donor of course.
My H is adopted and we are/have been trying to get some medical history for him for the sake of all 3 kids. We don't know if there's a medical time bomb,mental illess or other medical condtion's and really don't want to be suprised later. Would you? We have been trying to find this information long before ow/oc were even in the picture.
To not have it is too cruel, and just wrong morally!!!
IMHO ,it's as bad as abusing a child or even an adult.
If there is NC ,think,you would never need to be contacted about a medical emergancy unless it is an very extreme situatuion.
All doctors want a person's COMPLETE medical history.
IE.. is there a history of this this or that, and when you go the first time and other time's they have you fill out medical history in your paperwork and at times will ask you for it one on one.
To not have it for bothsides of your family is just cruel to/for any human being.I/H live with it everyday, our kids have only my side of their family, and my H's history after he was adopted(very limitedhe was adpoted at 9).
Those who think who think giving medical history is wrong, I pray no one in your family ever adopts, or is impregnated by a donor, God help them!!! How supportrive could you really be?
I have lived with not having a full medical history for My KIDS for yrs. and it Stinks. You try wondering what's out there medically for your child(ren), think it's easy, it's not!!!
For one minute let's all think like Parents not BS, WS, OW etc, but like human beings only, I know it maybe hard,for some.
Come on, How would you feel if this was your child(ren)?
Walk in my shoes as just a parent ,nothing else.
How would you feel, not knowing what lies ahaed for your child(ren) medically, wondering what medical problems might be prevented etc.
Come on , think ,how would you feel if this is/was your family.

If you can't comment on this subject as asked, Please don't comment/post.

Are there any caring human beings out there?!!

Not "wrong", perse ... This is not a moral issue. It is neither morally right nor morally wrong ... It is a personal decision based on what you want others to know about you.

Medical information is protected for some very good reasons ... and giving it out to someone who may misuse such information is not wise. An outsider to the marriage is probably not going to be very careful to keep medical information private and protected. It is, frankly, none of OP's business.

If anyone needs to ask about the bio-parent's medical history, it ought to be the physician, and kept private between them.


We have 2 adopted children.

Are you aware that the incidence of a man unknowingly raising his wife's child ( an OC )thinking it is his biological child is very high? In that instance, the husband gives his medical history thinking he is the bio dad when in fact, he is not the bio dad (he just thinks he is) ... I work in medicine ... I take medical histories with a grain of salt .... there are lots of secrets hidden in many family closets! Hardly ever is everything exactly what it appears to be <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I would no more advise a man give his medical history to his former affair partner than I would advise you to give yours to a complete stranger. It's on a strictly need to know basis. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

If it were necessary for an OC for medical reasons, the medical team can ask. Not the OP.

Thanks for asking.

People do care. I think you are blowing this a little out of proportion. I don't think most would mind the child knowing the medical history. I think they were talking about not releasing actual doctors records. No one should have to do that, of course.

Also, I don't think it's the end of the world not to know the records. I don't know my bio dad and I don't lose much sleep over it. If something's going to happen to me, it's gonna happen. Nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes, KWIM?

FYI ... this is what is known as a disrespectful judgement.

I have some general med history from xom as told to me by xom. If he was truthful, there's nothing major that stands out for me to be concerned about, so I've not lost a night's sleep over the issue. If I didn't have his history, I'd probably still sleep ok--because most health issues cannot be prevented anyway. I do think any person who parents a child should provide their med history, especially if there are any red flags.

BUT...a person's health history evolves over time anyway. For instance, xom's father could die prematurely of colon cancer or something, and because I wouldn't know this I wouldn't know to tell my child, hey you better get early screenings because of what happened to your bio-grandpa.

I'd have to check in with xom every few years or so, to keep up with his family med history, and I'm not going to do that.

Autum Day .... it is always a pleasure to "read" you girl !!!

Sounds like life is good for you??? I hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I concur with Pep, Autum Day and Familycomesfirst.

We don't want involvemnet W/H's bio parents.
We just need to know history,his half-sister has had mental/emotional problems doctors say it more than likely herditary, she also has epilepsy theses are not just little things, His half-bother has major addiction problems and We want to know what 's up medicaly. WE need to know for the kids, H's, and his half-sister and (grudingly) his half-bother's sakes.
Autum i feel your so lucky, to even have some general history, that would even help, some.
Pepper, sorry,I can now understand more of how you feel.

When I ws Pg w/ now 10yr. son there was a possiblty of Down's and doctors wanted H's full family medical history for sake of our baby,they were very unhappy we didn't know,we had an amnio done. Thank fully he's very normal.
we found out to even get some info we would had to go to court to get records unsealed,thengo from there and that it would cost seroius $$$$ to do it,we don't have the $$$ , that is the reason i feel the way I do, you see just a few of the medical issue's that H's natural family that we have found, have had so serious medical issues.
I really appreciate you opinions and maybe if someone would have ideas on other ways we can find info.
I would never give my records, just history.
i though if they gave history then it would be once less reason to be contacted if someone did NC.
Though we are so glad we do have C our oc is such a blessing and joy in all our lives.

Well...in my PROFESSIONAL opinion (I have always wanted to say that...LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) I honestly think you are probably making more of this than what is true in reality. Nonetheless, I want you to know, that you have a right to feel any way you want to about this, and NOONE should make you feel "wrong" for feeling this way....They should get off their "high horses".....some things (can you believe that..? are not actually always about marriage building or the "other woman with OC").

Family History is in REALITY a very small issue when it comes to the "real life" practice of medicine. There are ofcourse "ticking" time bomb diseases (Huntingtons Chorea, ALS, certain other RARE metabolic diseases, etc..) that would be helpful to any FAMILY and physician to know. Yes, Pep, even The Other Woman of the "other" child....(gast....)deserves to know.....that being said, there is usually not a whole he** of alot of things you can do about these "ticking" time bomb diseases anyway......Family Medical history is "overrated"....99 times out of 100 the only purpose it serves in my history and physical examinations is to document it so Medicare will pay me and the hospital I work for. Sad, but usually true.

I can appreciate your fervor about this, but it is probably a bit misguided.....Oh well, just my opinion...take it or leave it.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemon, yours is the 2nd in the medical field 1st doctors opinion and both are appreciated,& it does help to have professional opinons,kwim.

[color:"blue"]The comments that I have placed in bold are what have really hit me. Why? Well, I GAVE a child up for adoption nearly 18 years ago. Just over 13 years ago, we found out that on my father's side was a very severe degenerative disease that killed my father's oldest sister. Luckily we didn't have to test any further than my mom for the gene since my dad didn't have it and neither did my mom, but if they did, how could we have notified the adoptive parents since we had a closed adoption?!?! As Aut said, are we expected to have contact with the OP especially when NC is chosen?!?!

The second one is in regards to our own OC and the same thing that Aut said! I knew most of xom's medical history, including some weird things that I know to look out for, but I don't EVER want any contact with the jerk ever again! Most of these "ticking medical time bombs" can only be helped by treating the symptoms anyway. Most don't have any cures, so why worry so much?

I honestly don't understand why you are so worked up about getting/having the medical history. If you, your H, and your kids get regular check ups, most "time bombs" will show up in due time and be dealt with. Sometimes, if you think that you might get something just because it's in the genes, you live your life looking for the symptoms. Most things, if you live a healthy life, are preventable, and if you live that healty life and you still get it, there's nothing you could have done to stop it anyway.

I say to live your life as you see fit, but don't think it's so imperative that you have the full medical history. Heck, I gave my full medical history and the doctor rarely if at all looks at it! I know I've answered the questions more than once. What matters is your current health, and any flags that may have risen can be handled as they come up. [/color]

What is the big deal, Angel?

So you chose to release medical history and others of us don't.

It isn't THAT big of a deal as others stated it only serves as a small indicator in the life of the person - it isn't an error prove fortune teller!

Well xmm was adopted and it bothered him to no end that he did not know his medical history from his father's side. He sought out his mother and got that one.

As well, My mothers side has a major heart desease that they are actually finding can start in childhood now. My mom and all her siblings and my grand father all got it when they hit past 50. I aunt is in the business and teaches it and she passed it along to me because of the twins. I had put it on my paperwork and then had to take her to a heart specialist.

By like most have said why would they want to give them (op) this information to make the oc life any easeier? JMHO. And Angel, you do have a right to feel any way you want to feel about this especially when your talking emotional problems. There may not be a cure but at least you can nip a treatment in the butt before it's too far out of hand.

Trying,There is no/very little medical history to give xow in our case, just what we know about H and his 2 siblings we found and our kids.
Ty everyone for input on this, am I worring to much about it since we can't get it(H's) anyway, though we will persue it when we have the $$$ to, and in the mean time We will put it in God's hands.
Though we intend to inform xow as to H's,his siblings, and our kids if it something important, we personally feel better doing this.
Just like most things, we must all w/ our spouse make our own desion's ,though I feel we should listen to all point's of view before making a final desion, it really helps me/us personally ,anyway.

Angels ... it's really fine you have passion about your point of view. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My main disagreement with you on this point is, in my opinion ... this isssue is mostly a personal choice issue that does not meet the criteria of a moral watermark.

I agree with pepperband, it is a personal choice to release that information. When you are an interloper in someone else's marriage you just might piss them off enough that they don't feel they have to tell you jack sh*t that would help you out. Let's not pretend that emotions don't run high in these situations.

You can say they need to be the bigger person or better than that but the same can be said for a person who knowingly enters into an affair with someone who is married and then doesn't have enough sense to use protection upon protection to not get pregnant. (You should be using condoms anyway, anyone heard of STD's??? Plus using BC pills, or whatever method you prefer if you don't want to be impregnated by your partner.)

I don't think the medical history thing is that big a deal unless there is some specific disorder that will likely occur and can be prevented. Like some medical professionals have said, sometimes just because it's in your history doesn't mean you will surely get it, or can even prevent it and just because it's not there, doesn't mean you don't have something.

I really don't see the big deal either way. MY FWS has 2 other children besides ours. One was born when he was in high school and put up for adoption. The adoption was open in that when the child was old enough to ask, the adoptive parents had the information to give as to who her parents were if she wanted. She was also given a medical history.

When OC was born she was having little seizures while she was sleeping. Of course H mentioned he had been diagnosed with epilepsy as an adolescent and OW went bolistic. She wanted him at the doctor's with her. He didn't go. I didn't understand what the big deal was because she knew about the epilepsy, what else did she need to tell? Why did my H have to be there? She knew as much about it as I. But looking at it from her point of view, I could understand why she might be nervous. So...I put together an updated medical history of H's family based on what H's mother wrote 20 years ago for adopted child. I typed it up and sent it to her with her monthly check. I don't think there is anything for her to worry about except for the epilepsy, which was questionable to begin with, my H has a notoriously healthy family. BUT, it made her feel better I'm sure and there were no more questions to be asked. She had the answers and we didn't have to worry about whether he needed to be at every doctor's visit.

By the way, the seizures turned out to be nothing, some infants just sleep that deep and have these little spasms, she grew out of it by 2 months.

When you take the emotions out of it, I think giving a medical history (NOT records) to things that are pertinent to the child's health is the responsible thing to do.

I have two great neices that had siezures with fevers. Both grew out of them by the time they were 3 yeras old thank goodness. Those things are scary to watch. I get so scared when my girls get fevers that are high and make them sleep with me and all. Luckily though my kids have not had them at all.

Angel's passion for this comes from what SHE has went though with HER children. And its your right to with hold what ever from whom ever. The reasoning behind the action is where I have a problem with it. If YOU know, like the others have said about something, and with hold it because of the fact this OP slept with your spouse and had a child and you are hurt, pissed or whatever. Thats wrong. It hurts no one but the child. Those with C have no problem with giving such info, NO we don't have to, Hipaa Laws, But when you are in C, you are co-parenting a child that you care about and love. If in nc, then you don't care and you don't want to know, find so be it. Dont give it. Thats what NC mean, you don't c us, we do the same. Everyone has to do what "feels" right to them and just because some have shown compassion for these children that TWO people created, with out reguards to who or what happens or gets hurt, then there is no reason to condemn them for doing what is right for their M. People with C have to have some kind of consideration to the OP, because of the co-parenting issues. C is NOT done with just two poeple, its done with three sometimes four.
Sunny