the affair was/is being carried out on work premises?

I would like your opinions on this.

Thank you.

My H and the OW worked together in a private office at a large corporation until my husband was laid off in Jul-03. The affair went on until 10/04 and the OW used her office e-mail and her office phone to continue it. The first D-day was after my husband was laid off. I had seriously considered taking an action against the company for putting two people into one office (they ran out of cube space) which I believe encouraged a close relationship to develope.

I think it was the CEO of Boeing that was removed after his affair was made public, and I was sorely tempted then as well. I've since found out the OW volunteered to be laid off in March of this year, so I don't think it's possible to go after the company now.

What are your thoughts on it?

I exposed to o/w boss. She was the activities director at my mil's assisted-living facility.
I did not suffer any fall-out because of it, but in doing this it very well could prevent w/h and o/w from carrying on un-noticed and it might help any other vulnerable residents family members from this same tragedy.

I don't regret it in this case.
But I also did not have to worry about my husband losing his job, only the o/w.

What do you wish to accomplish by "going after the company"? Some sort of vindication? Monetary settlement? Public humiliation of the parties involved? Do you think this will produce any tangiable benefits (like saving your M?).

I'm no lawyer, but I can't imagine that any company would be held responsible for co-workers' affairs, regardless of office arrangements. In today's cubicle-dominated workplaces, lots of people are in close proximity to one another.

I think workplace exposure is a good idea if initial attempts to end the affair have not worked and/or the WS refuses to leave their job and end contact. I have seen some great successes with it and on the other hand, we have seen situations where the employer went "ho-hum" and could not care less.

About 10 yrs ago I was working for another Fortune 500 company and our Region VP was having an affair with a subdordinate. [they were using me as a front without my knowledge]

The VP's wife called our office and reported the affair, which was promptly reported to Human Resources. The next day, a high level official came to our office, fired the VP, and escorted him off the premises with an armed security guard. A locksmith came that day and changed the locks. The affair ended that day.

Both the VP and the married subordinate are still married and are both in different jobs. The OW in this case ended up quitting her job because of the scorn she received from her coworkers. [I suspect that is the reason]

Thought about it. My wife's online/phone EA was all carried out by OM while at work. He stayed at his office WAAY past work hours to use their computers to play online games, and used their computers to spend all day chatting with my wife via IM and phone.

Had the A NOT ended when it did, going to his employer would have been my next step. I struggled with not doing so even after the A ended...I wanted to get him fired out of sheer spite. But, I didn't, and in my case I didn't have to go that far for things to end.

I didn't because I had nothing to gain. In my FWH's A, the OW was a freelance writer who wrote for him. She lived on the other side of the country. During the 7 month PA portion of their A, she joined him on several business trips or he managed to find a business excuse to go to the city she lived in. It is a fact that he spent company $$ on her meals etc which probably could have gotten him canned. If he hadn't agreed to NC, I would have exposed him and he almost certainly would have been fired.

When he ended the affair, they both initially thought that she would be able to continue to write for him and that they could just go back to the way things were before the affair. Then, within days, came Dday and I insisted that he immediately cease all contact with her. I did this with out benefit of MB's, but it seemed the only way to go to save our marriage.

He claims that he told her right away, but I actually think that it took him a few days to tell her out of fear of how she would react to the loss of the much needed income.

She reacted by sending a very nasty letter to FWH's supervisor exposing the affair and demanding a severance package. FWH was summoned to see both Publisher and Human Resources chief. Very embarassing for him, OH WELL! His Publisher told him he was very disappointed in FWH's obviously poor judgement, and then had the company lawyers respond to her request basically telling her that Freelancers, as such, weren't actually employees, had no benefits, and thus were not entited to either regular work or a severance package.

He also indicated to FWH that as far as he was concerned, she could have continued to write for other editors and publications in the company, but for the nasty letter. Then he promptly blackballed her from working anywhere in the field again.

In the end, even though it took more than a year and 1/2, my FWH ultimately left the company; I think things were never the same for him there with his publisher.

My WH and the OW both work for the same company in the same department. She is the assistant to the VP and WH has a manager between him and VP. During exposure I told VP who is married and has 3 kids. He seemed very concerned at the time, but did let me know that the company has no policy on interoffice dating. He said he was concerned as both are is "top performers" and they were both very trusted members of his group, but if they are lying he said he had an issue with that. He said he'd speak to them both.

After 2 days, nothing happened. So I called WH's direct manager who I didn't call initially as English is not his first language (he's Japanese) and if he doesn't understand what you are trying to communicate instead of asking for clarification he just agrees. But, since I've gone to dinner with him and his wife a few times I felt I could try.
It bothered him MUCH more than the VP. He was very agitated and said he would do what he could. I asked about offering WH a week off so we could try and sort some things out and he was all for it.

Now, I don't know how much of this is actually true as it came from WH, but here's what happened afterwards. WH's Manager didn't really know what to do so he went to the company President who is a personal friend of his and also Japanese (it's a Japanese company). President went to CFO who is American. CFO called WH into his office and told him he didnt' care what he did to screw up his life and as long as he remained productive, however WH had to do something to put a stop to the rampant gossiping that was going on in the company. Supposedly CFO did the same to OW.

VP talked to WH and told him he thought WH and OW made a "good couple" but WH had to get things under control in the office. VP apparently also talked with OW and told her the same.

EVERYONE at this office knows about their affair. They have now gone "underground" and keep things quiet at work. They still work together closely and management does not care.

OW has already had an affair with another "top performer" at the same company. That man was fired after things went sour and he started drinking and his sales began to slide.

What I find amazing is OW is only 27. This is her first real job out of college. She is a Sales Assistant to the VP promoted from the job of Receptionist. She's rather plain and doesn't really stand out. There was a rumor going around when WH first started working there a year and a half ago that OW and VP were having an affair and it continued for some time. I do know that VP's wife refuses to speak to OW - ever. Smells like an affair to me.

This woman gets around. She has managed to screw her way into a solid position at this company. She hooks up with the current rising star and goes as far as he can take her. I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before WH gets boring to her and she drops him, but not until she's done messing with his head and a new "top performer" comes along.

Sorry such a long post.

Stop. Nice place your WH works. Guess they don't understand that stable, happily married employees are....more productive and more reliable too. If one can't commit to a marriage, do they really think that they can be Loyal to their employer?!

I am really frightened now.

I called her place of employment and said I would deal with her boss if it did not stop.

My WS got a call from her office and he told me he thought I was doing this out of spite and it would backfire on me.

I guess I have lost my husband for good.

All I want is for him be come back to us (even though he has not left as of this writing) the way he used to be.

Maybe he won't come home tonight.

I am praying so hard but I cannot continue to be the smiling wife and keep things under control all the time while he is out having a nice time with her everynight as he does not get home until 9PM.

I wrote about this in a thread a couple of months ago, but I sent a singing telegram to my wife's office the day after I caught her in bed with the OM and she said she wasn't going to give him up.

well..I was the WS..and my husband sent an email he recieved from OM to everyone at my employer. Needless to say that was so difficult but it worked. I had ended the A before he sent the email. But due to the fact OM worked at my job. I belive H wanted to make sure it was ended. At the time I hated him for all the humilation he caused but it was me who caused my humilitaion. well that is my 2 cents for a WS.

SADUSMCWIFE~

Wow, I wish I had thought of that. I have several IM logs of WH and OW talking about what they'll do after they are both divorced and then a long cyber session {ugh}. THAT would have been completely mortifiying for both of them had that gotten out.

Who did you say this to?


He is concerned it will interfere with his affair and is trying to scare you. Are you scared?

I called three offices in his complex that have a kathy there. each time i was polite and asked if this was the kathy having an affair with the maint. guy. they all denied it because i said if it was she, i would eventually go to their boss since this is happening at work.

yes, i am a little frightened of what he will say this evening, that is if he comes home at all after what i did.

my kids will be devastated. obviously, i am not always thinking clearly and neither is he.

I exposed at my WW work even though she was not involved with her A there. That reaction brought all kinds of threats from her, much more so than exposing her to her family.

BTW WW told me on the week after DDay that she told her parents "everything". She actually told them that we were separated because I left home, not one word about her A.

Knowing what I know now, I would recommend packing out the big guns immediately upon finding proof of an affair. That me exposure to all concerned parties --- spouses and parents of all involved parties, bosses, clergy ... anyone that would make the continuation of the affair a scandal or at least embarrasing and uncomfortable.


Follow this up with a stellar Plan A that takes away any justification for the affair and a welcoming attitude towards a remorseful FWS...

its gotta be the best recipe for ending an A and opening the way for reconciliation and recovery.

Were you doing this in order to find out who it was? Yes, your H will be mad, but I would suggest that you call HR today and report the affair instead of calling the employees.

He came home lastnight and was very nice, even went out with our son and brought me back some good wine. i thought for sure he would not come home because of what i did.

He told me about a lady named kathy whom I had called yesterday. this woman was quite nice and said how sorry she was to hear what was happening. (i told him i called THREE offices that had a kathy working there. he had no clue i called three offices.)

she called my husband and said she needed to speak to him in person. she went to his office and told him about the call. he did not elaborate on what was said.

maybe this is a blessing in disguise, i don't know.

also, we just had a quiet evening which was nice. he did tell me that he loved me and of course, i told him back because it is the truth.