On 9/11/2005 I discovered affair that took place for about 3 months. Mostly over the phone, but some physical, Kissing, etc... (no sex according to her). We have been to conseling and she just told me today she just wants to quit. We have been married 21 yrs this Dec. 2 boys, 15 and 12. This will crush the 12 yr old and make the 15 yr old extremely angry. Divorce has her siblings issues also. Her Sister did the exact same thing, said the exact same thing about her 1st husband. Affair, and left after faking counseling, etc... Her brother was a victim of basically the same thing.

I just do not know what to do. She says she loves me in many ways, but has no feelings . (arrggghhhh !!!!). She says her feelings for me have been crushed over the years and my inability to "have fun" going to places she wanted to go.

I am at a total loss. She is on meds for depresion and we went through almost the exact sameting 4 years ago. No affair, but the lost feelings issue.

I just about can't make it through a day. My gut is killing me and I feel so alone. Help !!! Divorce is not want God wants and she even admits it and is still saying that is what she wants. She says she is willing to wait a little longer and see if counseling helps.

Any ideas ???

Waiting,
I am so sorry you are here. First thing you can do is move this thread over to General Questions II. A lot more activity over there and a lot of very experienced folks who can help. They will tell you about concepts such as plan A, which has proven to be a very effective way to win a wondering spouse back. There also is a subsequent plan B, which should only be put in place after a very effective and strong plan A has had time to run its full course. Those folks will help you. The first thing you have to do is get out of the catatonic state that this crap can put a betrayed spouse into. Then you will need to identify the enemy and fight for your family. A fogged spouse is not going to fight for the marriage. So initially you will have to be the strong one. You can do it with the help of these wonderful folks and a strong faith in God. I will keep you in my prayers.

WCNT

Welcome. Are you sure the affair is over? That needs to be your first order of business, establishing that it is over. Was the OM married? Did you expose to his wife?

Was asked by CnT to come over and post 2 u. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

1st off, let's get you on a plan. Please go read Surviving an Affair, His needs/Her needs and take the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. Then setup some phone counseling with Jennfier C @ MB.

As for her quitting on the M, that sounds like babble so she can keep the A going. Now you have to ask yourself if you want her to use to you enable the A.

As for the meds.... hmmm.. I'd consider cutting that off. Re: it c/b an excuse to enable the A. Of course that's just an assumption. I am not a doctor.

L.

Thanks a bunch. How do I move the post over to Gen. Ques. II

I am trying to have faith and fight the fight, but I am getting so weak.

I have read the Surviving Affair and book. I have not done the Emotional Needs Questionaire. I have a question. Do I complete the questinaire mysel or see if my wife will complete it also. Do I schedule the appointment with Jennifer at MB myself or for both of us. We are going to a Christian Counselor, but I we do not have another appointment until Oct 24.

Thanks a bunch.

I think so. She says it is. We have talked about that a lot. I am not trying to be gullable, but I think I believe her that it is over, but I still think she is in mourning for the affair and the conversation, etc... Actually I almost think she was addicted to talking to him.

If the WS is willing to complete the questionnaire, let her. She probably won't so you do it twice....once as yourself and once as her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Then call MB for an appointment.

L.

Thanks for the advice. I will try that.

Believer,

Thanks for the post again. I forgot to mention. The OM is divorced. Go figure.

wow, it's like I wrote this. Waiting, I SOOOO with you on this. We haven't been together as long as you, but it is exactly the same scenario. I know that my W's is over, but now she is in the mode of wanting a divirce anyway because she isn't happy. We have had a couple of "flair ups" like this before, but she changed her mind. But now she wants a divorce to quit putting off the inevitable.