Hi folks,

I'm new so please advise accordingly.

In 1993 I met the love of my life. We had sort of a stormy romance since he was just coming away from his first divorce earlier that year and had a 3 1/2 yr old little girl to think about. We fell immediately in love - Cloud 9 and all the stuff I never though really happened did happen for us. We spent about 3 yrs deciding if we should get married and lived together for most of that time. We married in 1993 in a small intimate ceremony that was just beautiful. I loved his daughter just as if she were my own. We had occasional spats but mostly spent every day for 10 years being married talking, emailing, and spending time with each other. In 1999 we had a baby boy. He was beautiful and healthy. But having a baby raised some issues from both of our pasts that proved difficult to deal with. We discovered I have a moderate case of ADHD that had never been diagnosed and treated. When I got it treated we found prescriptions didn't work for me. He got tired of living with my disorder which sent me into a nasty depression. For 9 months he threatened to divorce me. I finally got to the point I just couldn't take the threats. So I did what I thought he wanted was to file. Divorcing with lawyers proved to be nothing but paying our annual salaries for them to distort the truth. After he had been gone 3 months I begged him to come home. By then we just had lost too much trust. We kept telling each other without saying it this was not what we wanted. But it happened just after our 10th wedding anniversary in 2003. He immediately starting dating his friend from work. So I assumed I must have done the right thing. Then I found a natural way to treat my ADHD and started coming out of my depression. He kept finding ways for us to spend time with each other like dinner for no reason. One night he was helping me and our son make a gingerbread house and we got real close to each other and started kissing. One thing leads to another...we're intimate...then he informs me the girlfriend is still in the picture. So, my desire to pull my family back together is larger than my dignity. Since Spring 2004 we have been in and out of spending time together, watching movies, dining out together, he helps me with lots around the house, etc.. But he can't seem to let this woman go. He tells me he has only been intimate with me for a long while, but he continues to present her as his girlfriend to family and friends and says family and friends are so angry at me for how I divorced him it won't be easy to reconcile all that...most especially with his daughter who is now 19. Has anyone out there ever been divorced and tried to reconcile with their ex? Is it possible to say you made a huge mistake and live happily ever after? There doesn't seem to be much material on this subject so I'm seeking it wherever I can get it. And I am now a firm believer anyone with kids should separate for at least one solid year before pursuing divorce. You can't imagine how painful it is to be divorced. It is 100 x worse than how we felt just not getting along as a married couple. Really really think about it and pray about it because no matter your choice you will still have that person in your life for the rest of your life since you are connected by the lives you created together.

Have you ever reconciled with your ex-spouse? single choice
	Yes
	No
Votes accepted starting: 10/06/05 07:25 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

In my case, I learned my lesson, and too many bridges were burned. Nowhere to go but up.

I'm better off being single than to reconcile with my EX.

Not gonna happen for two reasons...I really doubt she has the fortitude to change. She would have to change her lifestyle from the bottom up for me to even THINK about it. Plus, as quickly as she ran away once all was known to me, the easy way is her MO. That "leopard" has shown NO desire to change her "spots".

I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

Most importantly, I don't think I could ever trust her again, even if she changed...one can only be shat upon so much before trust is irrevocably lost and I am reasonably certain it has been.

As an aside, I have spent the last 6 months essentially alone and I think back to what our M was like before D-Day and it's surreal...it seems fake, like a movie memory and nothing I experienced.

Being on my own seems more like reality than our M ever was.

Truer word were never spoken. I've come to realize that being alone is almost natural for me as much as I would rather be in a relationship at this point. I look back on my marriage a few months ago and it seems almost as if it was someone else living my life and not me. I feel numb thinking about it.

I only know of two cases Judge Judy and she is very happy!
My friend who married the same man three times and hated every minute of it. She is now divorced for good.
Go on with your life God has someone else for you.

My parents did this and it was awful. I told my dad that was like taking spoiled milk out of the refrigerator, putting it back in and coming back six months later to see if it was still spoiled.

coachwife:
Oh my goodness that must have really been some spoiled milk.
At least it was not a rotten egg.

Yeah, actually it was a dozen of rotten eggs. HA! They were just not made to be married to each other. Not sure my mother was made to be married to anyone at all. She was a raging narcassist and he was a alcoholic. What a combination!

My xh sort of asked me out last month...ewwwwww...he is married! in an affair marriage of course.

asked if I wanted to meet him, our son (kicker and his bargaining chip), and his buddy at his boat dock so we could go jet ski riding and cook out steaks...and did I mention my best girlfriend who is single was visiting me for that weekend?

he wanted a date and one for his friend too.

Mind you, I went to four court sessions w/this guy...and he is in an affair marriage.

What part of "are you on crack" can he not get?

I love and always will the man I married. Not this invasion of the body snatchers pimp=like man he's become now.

I like who he was...or who he pretended to be.

I have to let you all know that when I posted the original message what I didn't get into is:

I was glad he was gone for 3 months. For one year I spent
being alone and that was a relief from the stress we had
been under...for a few months.

It has been 3 yrs since we separated so this isn't a
quick hey, you're familiar type thing. I know there
are lots of qualified bachelor's available - a breath
of fresh air.

But I have learned more about me and how my behaviors
contributed to the breakdown of this all. I don't want
to repeat those behaviors in whatever comes next, be it
with the ex-H or a new one. Dr. Harley's book on
Love Busters reads like our criminal record in all both
of us could have done differently to save one family
from the pain of divorce.

So, those of you saying yes, which appear to be few,
please fill us in on the details. Those saying never,
I respect your individual situations. I seek to be
curious without judgement. Many thanks for sharing.

I would remarry my wife if she woke the ****** up!! She still in fog city. She would have to come to me and really try to make up the last 4 months. Becasue I do still care for her so much, and I always will. True love is hard to kill.

Me too on four months. I am going out with all these bar girls and club chics but I want my wife back. She wont wake up either, sent her 80$ roses and asked politely if she liked to go out to party, but shed rather go with her friend somewhere else. She said ,no, I guess true love is easier to forget for her. Im moving on, I think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> It makes me so mad all these girls want me, but I cant have the one I want......

Nope. Thought about it, but never asked.