WH is supposed to move out today. I have been battling in my mind the issue of changing out the locks.

I remember one time when WH locked himself out of the house. He kicked in the garage door and then the basement door to get back in the house.

I feel like if I do change the locks it won't keep him out anyway. Then I will have to deal with getting new locks again and possibly a repair of the doors.

I know changing them will not keep him away or out. But it will give him a strong message. It will also make him very angry. I am not afraid of his anger, but wonder if it is worth it?

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
Married 13 years
DS age 6
Trying to go into Plan B

Why not wait and see if will respect your Plan B and then make a decision? You are going to have to deal with keeping him out, though. You can't have him coming in and out of the house when the spirit moves him. What other ideas do you have to keep him out?

Would it be wrong to just ask him for his keys to the house? Maybe his reaction would help give you the answer you need as far as knowing whether he is going to take your request seriously.

I dont' really have too many ideas to keep him out. I am going to have to make it perfectly clear that I do not want to see him.

I believe the Plan B letter spells it out pretty clearly. But we all know that sometimes that doesn't even do the trick.

My employer is allowing me to adjust my work schedule so I can pick DS up at 5 PM every day. I think I will include a note with the Plan B letter stating that and to make sure that WH contacts our friends to arrange a schedule so DS and he can spend time together.

Kim

That's a thought......I think that today, I need to make sure he knows that his is going to be a time period where I simply cannot see him at all.

Kim

Why not add something to the Plan B letter:

If you need something from the house, please leave a message with XYZ and I will make sure you get it. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you would respect my request for no contact and not enter the house.

THEN, if he does enter the house after you have asked him not to, you can change the locks. How does that sound? Because, Kim, you can't have him floating in and out of the house. It won't work if you have to leave every time the spirit moves him to come barging in. If that happens, then he will be in control of the situation.

Do you think he understands that?

I know I can't have him floating in and out. Plan B will simply not be effective if that happens. He has had enough control over the past months and it is time for that to end. I like your suggestion for the addition to the Plan B letter. I can certainly add that in and pray that it is sufficient.

I truly don't think he understands that I can't see him anymore. This was evident to me when he was trying to make plans for Saturday.

He's getting what he wants. What seems to be the problem here?

Kim

Kim, the next time he suggests plans for the future, look at him with a puzzled look and remind him: "no, I need to be seperated for now." Maybe if you keep saying it, he will get it.

Why didn't I think of that?? Good plan. Repetition seems to be key with him....Sticking to the same phrase.

Kim

Before I even started Plan B, WH and I were already living apart. WH still has a remote garage door opener that he holds on to with dear life as I've changed all the locks and informed him that his code no longer works on the security alarm.

When he would come over and he would enter the house through the garage - every single time - without knocking and immediately start checking the phone caller ID and then go through my mail. I would act like it didn't bother me, after all, I have nothing to hide, but inside I would be SO irritated.

If you WH has access to your home, your sanctuary, I guarantee he will go through your things. He will check everything. Nothing is sacred. It may seem like nothing right now, since you still see him as your husband. But once you start to get into the routine of independence, you'll feel violated.

Let him wonder what you're doing! It'll be good for him. Get his keys if you can. If you can't, change the locks.

My WH saw the new deadbolt before it was actually installed. He asked "What is that for?" I told him that I felt unprotected I needed to add the lock so I would feel safer. Later he said when he saw the lock he realized I was serious and he couldn't stand the thought of be locked out of the family.

Add or replace the lock....it sends a strong message