My wife enjoys flirting when she is not with me to get the attention of other men. When she does this, she immegions being with that person she is attracted/flirting with sexually.

This scares her alot because she do not want to want to damage what we have together and it scares me too because she acted on her lust/temptation in her younger years while dating me.

She sais she will never step outside that boundry and cheat again.

A part of me tells me that what she is experiencing are just fantasy's but aother part of me sais what if I am wrong and she may act out on this one day given the opertunity???

She held these feelings from me for all of our 12 year relationship, just recently telling me.

Is this lust, fantasy or is this an indication she may have to work on the rules to avoid temptation?

I mean, I enjoy a flirt here and there like recieving a smile or giving a smile to a sexy girl. It feels good but that is as far as I would go with it. I am a guy, I also have fantasy's about being with the beautiful blond in the bikini at the beach...this is normal righ? So how different is this from what she told me?


In the past (3 years or more ago)she has been known to act on her feelings of lust even if it hurt other's - Now, she sais she has to make a pont of knowing the boundries of how far she can take this flirting/lusting and put a stop to it!

Should I have anything to be worried about?

Thank you

I would think you do but I didn't know what was going on in my own marriage so who am I to say.

This particular board does not get a lot of action. I recommend that you post your question on another board here - particularly the Emotional Needs board or the General Questions II board. You will get a much wider readership and many more comments there.

thank you

You are welcome.

Sorry to say this but you need to be VERY concerned. My wife flirted with coworkers 8 years ago...then eventually had an emotional/physical affair.

This summer, I thought all was well until she said, "Don't be upset but there is flirting at work (different place of employment)" BELLS WENT OFF...we are currently in mediation for a divorce because she cannot stop her relationship with a coworker she had (having) an affair with.

Again, my experience is BE VERY CONCERNED! My guess would be that she is not only flirting but confiding with a male friend. This is the start of an emotional affair.

Good Luck,

Rufus33

I have enjoyed flirting throughout my 13 year marriage. I always told myself, and my husband, that it was just a harmless ego boost. And it never went further than that -- until this past summer when one of my "innocent" flirtations evolved into an all out affair. Now my husband and I are both suffering. Is it possible to flirt and flirt and flirt and never cross the line. Who knows? But ask yourself, and her, why she needs it so much.

The sexual fantasies along with the flirting makes me see red flags, especially since it appears to be happening on a very regular basis and the fantasies have gone "up" to the level(s) of flirtation and then circling back to fantasies on those. Unless I'm misunderstanding.

I would certainly find a good counselor and look into the reason(s) why there is so much of it. Sure ... we've all done it occasionally, out of curiosity and weighed it against our value systems and moral principles; however, when unable to discard these by making a rational conscious decision to do so based on the possible consequences, and the realization that we are about to "place our hand on a hot stove" is not enough to stop it all -- these fantasies and behaviors can and do, unfortunately, become physical behaviors ... typically referred to as sex addiction, relationship addiction, or both.

She is playing with fire. It's quite simple. A married spouse with no potential for cheating should behave like one. It is disrespectful to the other spouse to behave in such a manner and gives others the impression that "the door is open" should they choose to pursue. And usually, sadly, the door IS open when one behaves that way ... and eventually someone else enters and it's usually not the spouse, obviously.

I view flirting as flirting with disaster. There is a lot of down side to flirting, and zero upside. Flirting is not only disrespectful to you, and your marriage, but also disrespectful to the other person.

If she flirts at work, it is toxic for her career: no one will think of her as a professional who is there to solve problems for the employer, but as someone who goes through work to have fun. At best she wont get respect nor promotion that she'd normally deserve, at worst she can be fired.

Moreover, some of the men may not see it as harmless flirting. She might be putting herself in danger, be it an A or an assault, without even knowing about it. You need to make her see that flirting has a potential of being very harmful.

As far as her sexual fantasies about other guys go, I would not worry too much about it.