Jean, I have the same feeling of optimism - not that Noddy and I will reconcile, but that good things are waiting for me.

I am glad to have that dirty, terrible part of my life behind me.

{{{Jean}}}

Alph.

Well, WHex introduced the kids to OW via Webcam this weekend. next weekend, he is talking them to Chuckie Cheese with her. So we have entered another stage of affairland, we'll see how OW gets along with the kids. She has had WHex all to herself for awhile.

His last GF didn't want to be around the kids that much, she wanted her own baby with WHex. That was one of the reasons they split up.

I am on a "killing with kindness" kick. Our contact is minimal, but I am back to strong plan A. The deal is done, the arrangements are final, I am NOT the cause of his discontentment. I am just bouncing happily along with my dog and my seeds.

He is still very angry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

exWH is planning on introducing the kids to OW this weekend. The girls are nervous and I have had to try to reassure them. Talk about difficult, asking them to give her a chance and be nice while wishing she would just evaporate.

Oh, and for some reason, we are still married, legally anyway. I am trying to get the refi done and need signed court papers and they have not materialized yet. So we are still married. Yeah for me!

Well the girls met OW this weekend. Luckily, they did not gush about her to me. I am going to let this hurt for a minute and then get on with my night.

On the plus side, the more involved exWH and OW get, the faster this thing should burn out. They are still romancing via text message and email as they live in different states. So I say "Bring it on", let them play happy family, the bubble will burst sooner that way.

I think I believe that no one, once they get to know all of exWH, could love him as much as I did.

But, the weather was great today and I got to play outside in my flower beds! C'mon SPRING!

The girls brought me some things for Valentines Day. I hope OW was there as they had Daddy buy me the gifts.

I sent him a short and sweet email, thanking him for the gifts. I also included some mortgage info in a non demanding way.

I don't know what I am fighting for now, but it is all I know to do. But there is no harm in being kind to him, a constant kindness as he is still on his roller coaster. I have stepped off, maybe now I get that whole lighthouse thing.

I have heard again from the attorney. Our papers are lost, we are still married. I have told the attorney, do not break a sweat trying to get them found. If WH needs to be divorced so bad, he can do the work.

Wow, that's amazing that they could 'lose' the papers! The whole system takes divorce way too casual, in this country, IMO.

I agree with you, if your WH was so badly wanting to get divorced, he needs to do the work....., and needs to follow up too.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Milk

Yes, of course, I think it is a "sign" that we are supposed to be married. (I am pretty sure that WH doesn't see it that way). Happy Valentines day to you, too Milk

I guess I am working on a 180 plan. Our status is, WH is still with OW but it is a long distance affair. We have had a divorce hearing, but the papers are lost so legally, we are still married.

He came to pick up the girls this AM. I cleaned up a little, but no overkill, just subtle looking OK. I have emailed him with a request to let me know when he is taking his vacation with the kids as I want to make some plans for my kid free week. My BIL is going to save me some hotel key cards (he travels all the time), I thought I could leave those out casually along with a bouquet of flowers and a V-Day card. So that is what I am doing with my imaginary BF.

In real life, I went ahead and signed up for a dating service. I have some friends that want to "fix me up" with someone. I don't think it would be fair to try to date when I am still having such strong feelings for WH. But, I am going to put myself out there a little. Maybe I just want WH because I don't have anyone else. I don't think that is the case though. I want to find someone like WH, except that new guy will love me.

I have done everything possible to break up the affair. Now I am just waiting it out. The kids have met her, I let the kids make her a Valentine. I want them to get as "real" as possible, come out into the light and see if the affair continues. I fear that since they don't see each other often, their romantic phase will take longer to burn out.

As far as involving the kids, don't bash me, we are kinda divorced. I kept the kids away from her during the separation (I had it in the papers) but now that there has been a hearing, we are divorced except for the fact the papers have magically dissappeared. So this weekend, I sent one kid with strep throat and another with a bad cold. If he was planning on having fake family time with the kids and OW, all the snot should put a damper on things.

I am going to call imaginary boyfriend "Harvey" as in the bunny. "Harvey" bought me a dozen roses for Valentines day (the are 50% off on clearance, I only need them to be pretty on Sunday when WH brings the kids home).

I have plans tonight and will work all weekend, so I'll stay busy. Plus, I have more seeds to sow, and a new lily came in the mail today!

I have to figure out how to do the 180 boyfriend thing without the kids ratting me out. I can't let them see me buying flowers or anything. I feel like I am lying to them if I tell them a friend sent them to me.

Hopefully, I'll get a life soon so I can stop this silly WH madness.

Tell Harv, I said hi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I think his idea to take you out to a nice french restaurant is cool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ending the night with chocoate fondue is sooo romantic. Me thinks a few dark choclate shiny wrappers placed strategically is a nice touch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

As for the lost D papers... you know they have been filed in the WS filing cabinet. Their system of filing important D paperwork is to file it under "I" as in I don't want to do the D now..... re: OW smells like garlic...again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks for the laugh Orchid. Thanks for checking in on me.

Here's the status report:

Sunday night drop off went well. I was kinda dressed up which gave the illusion that I had been out. Harvey (the imaginary boyfriend) had left flowers, candy and a racy Valentine on top of the entertainment center, which is where WH's mail is located. The kids immediately commented on the flowers and wanted to know who they were from. He stayed over 20 minutes, he showed me pics on his phone (his phone has been off limits since the A started).

The kids did not see OW this weekend. I will assume the A is still going strong as WH has not had a cigarette in three weeks (he mentioned that, I congratulated him sweetly). This is good, I will know if there is trouble in A'ville because he will most likely start smoking again. This way, I only have to ask the kids how Daddy's doing with his smoking and never have to mention OW.

We talked about refi details and him direct depositing his alimony and child support. He seems overly concerned about the money part, he says he wants to do what the court papers say. (But he still hasn't taken his parenting class). No mention of the missing divorce.

Now I can relax for the week. Trying to cram all the plan Aing into 20 minutes a week is hard. But he stayed longer this time, he used to not even turn the truck off in the driveway.

So either way, it is good. At least the kids see us friendly, and maybe...just maybe... he'll think of me in a positive light as I continue to wait out the affair.

Another drop off report:

This time, he didn't turn the truck off in the driveway, so I knew he wasn't planning on hanging around. But, he bought the kids a new game system, so I asked him to stick around long enough to make sure I hooked that up alright (since he is the king of all game system hooking up).

The kids didn't see OW this weekend, but I found out she was with them the weekend before. I have had to converse with exWH a little. The refi didn't go through as they have no proof that he has been paying child support. He has been paying the mortgage instead. So I need him to pay me directly to create a paper trail for the money. He is afraid he'll pay me, and I won't pay the mortgage, therby making myself homeless, just to ruin his credit (paranoid much??).

I have offered the use of a mediator, I have suggested I make the mortgage check out and give it to him to mail...He has to think about it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and the divorce finally got signed, that only took a month! So I am officially divorced now. (I haven't told WH yet, I'll let him sweat a while longer).

Just checking in, I am feeling really good these days. Part of me is still waiting for the end of exWH's affair to end, and part of me is moving along. I have been redoing the house, painted the girls' room and getting ready to do mine. exWH's recliner is still here, but the girls just won't let me get rid of it yet. So that is the only thing in the house that reminds me of him, and he even commented on how that was the dog's chair now.

I have made a pretty clear list of what I want from a partner, I don't see any reason to accept anything less. Maybe my ex will be that man someday, probably not though. I have a few other prospects but I am just not willing to compromise on my needs right now. It is all about me and the girls right now. We are having a good life and if someone is just a drain on the system then they need to go.

Maybe one day, I'll feel like I have something to give, but right now, I am concentrating on my healing and my happiness and I have found a place where I am very peaceful and my family is very functional. It is a good place to be.

Hey Jean, good to hear from you. So does the WS know he is D'd yet?

L.

Darndest thing just happened. exWH dropped off the girls and he was smoking! I asked the girls if Daddy and OW had a fight (he always starts smoking again when he breaks up with a GF), and he had asked the girls the weekend how they would feel if he broke up with OW. (Odd, he never asked how the girls would feel if he left their mother <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

So this means - I win! I loved the a-hole longer than she did. maybe I don't need exWH-I just needed to outlast that homewrecking troll!

Oh and Orchid-he never asked about the status of the divorce, things like that are just not on his radar.

Hey Jean,
I was wondering why I hadn't seen you around. So glad to hear that you're doing well.

Weird that he wouldn't know you're divorced but, guess little pieces of paper don't mean much either way.

God bless.

Jean, I am so glad you are feeling better.

BUt now that you are divorced and the ex isn't with OW... perhaps Harvey could make 'appearances' more often. It wouldn't look improper now, ya know? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's funny, I am just not in the mood to lift a finger to win WH back. Maybe it was all about winning over the OW, or maybe too much time has past, I don't know. About a month ago, I started sobbing while in the car, this feeling of finally giving up all hope just overcame me. I think things started turning around for me then.

I am not opposed to the idea of reconciliation, one day. But I am just not planning on it. I think it highly unlikely that WH would leave OW until he had another GF (since he has a fear of being alone), so he probably is dating someone else. I just know that I am not going to give all that too much thought, I have stepped off that roller coaster.