Hey KD!

The date was nice, more like an test of my social skills-I was pleased with how I did. He is a divorced father of two with full custody of his kids. He is a FBS and is pretty stand offish about getting involved with someone since he got burned pretty bad by his ex. We had talked on the phone for two weeks or so, our date was just coffee and talking. But we talked for three hours so that seems successful.

More interesting than the date was the thought processes that I have had surrounding the date. I don't know if I should be looking for that wonderful spark that they show in movies. I think that is what I should look for, but that seems like the addictive, fleeting A type behavior.

I think that slow and steady is probably the best way, but there is that part of me that wants to get swept away by emotions. I am jealous of WHex for having that very romantic, even if fleeting feeling of romance.

That line about "I didn't marry someone I could live with, I married someone I couldn't live without", well, I am living fine now. Doesn't that sound a little obsessive, could there be someone how there that I want to curl up and die if I can't have him. I felt like that with WHex and it sucks.

So I guess I am just examining my feelings on romantic love vs nice committed but less emotional love. And I realize that I know very little about what this stuff is supposed to feel like.

Hi Jean,

I am glad you had a good time. Isn't it interesting that your date was a fbs. Just think, if you two ended up having a relationship, you can introduce him to MB concepts to affair proof your relationship should it extend to marriage.

Personaly, I don't hold too much water with instant or romantic love, myself. I think love that is generated from friendship, mutal admiration, and time spent together getting to know one another is far more superior to the "Romantic" type of love which is fleeting.

Look what the romantic love got the xws....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


kd.'s heartbreak

I guess I just wonder if I can look at someone like that again when I still look at WHex like that. My heart still fills with love when I see him. Does that have to be dead before I can see someone else like that?

For some reason, I was on MB all day yesterday. I just sat here reading all this heartache and replaying everything that has happened in the past. I was going to make a list of all my regrets, but I changed my mind.

I did realize that I have not done anything I regret since the divorce day. I regret the divorce, but he would have pushed it through if I had dropped it. I don't regret crying in front of the judge as he asked me if this is what I wanted.

I guess I am just bored. I am in between obsessions right now. I am very blah, I need direction. I am waiting on someone to give me my instructions. Isn't that pitiful?

Geesh! I have got to find a distraction. The A is over, the divorce is done, but I googled WHex today. He is online looking for asian women. I can't ever be an asian woman. My very republican WHex also said in his dating page that he wants a "liberal idealist". Good luck with that when you have your "W" sticker on your car.

I have done very good not looking for WHex things online, they only hurt me, there is nothing good that comes from it. I guess I just hoped that when the A ended and the withdrawal happened, maybe I would look more appealing to him. I kept waiting to see who he would be, what more do I need to see? This is it, this is who he is. Get him out of your head, Jean!!!

Maybe I need a fling, just something to get my adrenalne going. But I have done the 'ho thang and I really don't want to do that again.

I did pay someone to mow my yard this week, he was just so cute. And he asked about my herb gardens, maybe I'll let him mow for the rest of the summer.

But I am only uncomfortable because I desire something that I don't have. Greed caused pain, I must learn to recognize and be thankful for the blessings I have.

Oh, I bought two learn belly dancing videos, the kids think I have lost my mind and hope I don't start wearing "hootchie clothes". I may get in touch with my feminine side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I have a new theory. It is almost two years since D-day. It has been almost two years since WHex has said a kind word to me or showed me any warmth. And after two years of his cold and unfeeling attitude towards me, I still proclaim to love him.

I think I may just feel this love to have an excuse to not be open to letting anyone else in my heart. I am quite content in my delusional mind, I still feel love for WHex, I have great loving friends, great kids, I don't feel like I am lacking for much.

But, I go back to this, if I can be this content loving someone who daoesn't give a rat's butt about me, think about how happy I could be with someone who actually liked me.

Hi Jean,
Yeah it's me back here again. Can you believe it?! I can't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> But I am glad to see you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My goodness it's been 6 months since the divorce. How are your girls doing?

You know I thought about you today as I was doing yard work.
I remembered all the planting, and planting, and more planting you did during predivorce.. I planted alot of grass this spring and summer. It didn't take the first time, so I had to plant again. It does help somewhat when your devastated.

I come here periodically when I need help coping. I don't post much, but just reading others sitches helps me.

My husband did a 2 day disappearing act again back in Jan. We live seperately now while he is sobering up in treatment, hopefully, we'll see. Says he didn't have another woman that time. But one answered his cell phone a few times while he was missing in action. To this day he claims he lost his phone for 12 hrs during that time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well....I notice you had a date? I think that's great!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm sure there will be more to come Jean. Take it easy.

Blessings,
Lady

Hey Lady!!

Thanks for peeking in on me, I saw you on another thread last week. I am sorry that things are not going better for you. I guess I am lucky that my turmoil is of my own making now, WHex is not doing anything that should affect me anymore.

The girls are great, turning into little pre-teen divas. They are with their dad almost every weekend. When he brings them home, they threaten to duct tape him to his chair to try and make him stay. That always sucks a little.

Don't be a stranger Ladysheep, it was good to hear from you again. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I just found out that my refinance is closing tomorrow! I had no plans of being a single homeowner, but I am sure glad I get to keep my kids in their house! It took forever to get it done, mostly due to WHex not signing over the title papers in a timely manner.

I want to do something to celebrate, maybe buy something new for the house. I would love to replace WHex recliner, but the kids still want to keep it here.

Congrats on getting the house Jean!

Lady

Thanks Lady! It was sorta bittersweet, just another tie to WHex severed. We bought a chocolate cake and some munchies and we are going to have a little girl's only party.

The kids have been a little bummed as they know this is divorce related. But, after talking about it, they want to start having a family movie night. They even said I could buy a new recliner so I will be comfortable in the living room!!

WHex just picked up the kids and gave me some news. His boss sold the business that WHex was managing. So he will be moving. He doesn't know where yet, it could be closer to us (and OW) or it could be farther away. He should know Sunday where he is going. So the kids have to pack this weekend, it will be hard for them.

Jean, I hope the little girls party was fun. They deserve the very best. Your a good mother, even amongst the tough stuff.

Concerning WHex... being the business was sold, does that mean he lost his job? Or will he continue working for the same man elsewhere?

Lady

Hi Ladysheep!

Thanks for the mommy pat on the back.

WHex should still be employed, he just doesn't know where he will be transferring to. It could be closer, could be farther away. I think he is meeting with his boss today, maybe he'll find out something soon. Whether he will let me know what is going on remains to be seen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I called WHex to see how the meeting went and what his options were. He wasn't very forthcoming with info, but he was offered a job in my town. He said he wasn't interested in that location.

The man that I was married to would have jumped at the chance to be closer to his kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I read threads from newcomers, I relive that pain. But, as much as I wish I was still a part of my intact family, there are things I can be grateful for:

No one lied to me today.
No one exposed me to a STD today.
I don't have to check the cell phone history anymore.
I don't have to sniff my husband or his clothes when he comes home.
I don't have to drive around trying to find my husband and his mistresses hotel room.
I don't have the dread of confronting the mistress or her husband anymore.
I don't have to deal with my husband taking his phone to the shower with him, lest he miss a text from OW.


I wish I had had a F for my WH, I guess I will have to settle for an F in front of my BS.

I'm with you all the way. I'm very content now, although there isn't anything that exciting happening in my life. But it is so pleasant to be DONE with the drama, the lying, the denial, and uncertainty.

Thanks Believer, I feel honored to have you visit my thread!!

Another blessing to add to my list, I know who is on my side, who has my back and who I can trust.

Another benefit is doing exactly what I want. For some reason, we spent all of our time with my ex's relatives, did all the things he wanted to do. Now I've been doing all the things I've always wanted to do but didn't because he didn't enjoy them. It is quite pleasant.

It has been two years since D-day, the day I found the "sweet dreams" and "thinking of you" text messages on WHex's phone. We are divorced, his affair has ended, he is still very distant to me.

My identity was so wrapped up in being WHex wife, business partner and child raiser, it is taking me a long time to establish an identity outside of that role. I still want WHex back, but I know that is because I am tired of trying to figure out who I am. It is easier being his wife than to try to figure out what I want.

I am scared to make decisions, I miss having a partner to help me make decision (or to just inform me of what I want).

My life feels OK, I have friends, my emotional needs are met, I only get stir crazy when I am alone with my thoughts for too long. WHex was someone else to take care of and that kept me busy. Since he has been gone, I have adopted another cat, a dog, two guinea pigs, two birds and a tank of goldfish. I am also working as a nanny during the week, I have a lot of caretaking to do. There are alot of animals and kids necessary to fill the care taking void that WHex left. Who knew he was so high maintainance??

My bills are paid on time, I have a little money in savings and I was able to keep my home and get it refinanced in my name only. I will need to replace my car soon and I would love to replace my carpet, but I am having a commitment anxiety issue and don't want to spend any money.

I have receined some romantic interest, but I am unable to reciprocate. I think I am scared of letting my WHex hope go. It keeps me nice and stuck and I have found a comfortable rut. Desire does not make me change, only pain does and apparently, I have not had enough pain to change my attitude about relationships of the romantic variety.

My children are becoming full blown 'tweens. They are into fashion and music and are developing their first crushes on boys on TV. I upgraded our basic cable package and the Disney channel has opened a whole new world to them. And they are going to drag me along into the pop culture world. We will be buying "Hannah Montana" tickets this weekend. I don't know if I am ready for all this growing up they are doing. We are all three turning into women at the same time. Trying to guide them into puberty is hard enough. But I feel like I am in my second puberty, that makes it harder.

It has been two years since the tornado of infidelity picked up my home and took it for a spin. The house has landed and now we are trying to make a home of the new spot the tornando set it in.