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#1493682 10/07/05 12:32 PM
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Jean36 Offline OP
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My WH is having an A with a young married Korean woman. I have been told varying stories about the state of the marraige, that is a marriage only for citizenship, that they do/do not live together etc. They purchased a business together in 6/05. The Korean community in this situation is very tightly bound, my WH works for many of the business owners. WH's boss knows of the situation, knows the OW and her OWH and still lied to me to protect WH/OW/OWH.

I have also been told that the exposure tactics are putting me in a very unfavorable light, airing all this dirty laundry. If there is anyone who can give me insight on how to best work around this cultural issue, I would really appreciate it.


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
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Jean, why do you care what anyone thinks of you? There is no culture in the world that LIKES having it's "dirty laundry" aired, it still makes no difference. What counts is that the affairees don't like it, which will pressure them to end their affair.

You aren't doing this to gain someone's approval, but to save your marriage and bust up an affair. This isn't a popularity contest, Jean. The OWH needs to be notified that his W is having an affair with your H.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I agree with Mel. They are using the cultural issues to throw you off...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Jean Jean Jean....you don't even know for sure that the OWH
doesn't speak English....Man, I would be drawing pictures,
showing pictures of my husband ect..to get the point across,
I am sure at this point the OWH would provide a person who
would understand both languages....DO IT TODAY !

Chat

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Jean,

How long has the OW been in the country? Are you in the USA? If so, you should expose to the OWs H. Are you sure the marriage isn't legitimate? Are there children?

Expose to OW's H - see if you can open a dialog with him and see what he has to say.

Good luck!
Sally

Last edited by Sally_Athelny; 10/12/05 09:42 AM.
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I think Jean is looking for help from anyone familar or part of the Korean community here in the U.S.

Posting how to approach either OW's H or even how to phrase things to those in the community to get her message across. It is possible but how you say is just as important as what you say.

Jean, if you want to send me an e-mail my addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

I am NOT Korean but am of Asian descent. Have some friends in the Korean community so maybe able to bounce off some ideas from them.

I have to go out this afternoon but will check back tonight. There c/b some MB support in your area.

L.

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Jean36 Offline OP
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What I know is ONLY via WH, so take it with a grain of salt.

What WH has told me (and this was right after D-day, when he seemed to want to work on M) is that OW and OWH got married, it didn't really work out and that they live seperately. If her name is brought up in my D, it may raise a red flag for their M. She is at risk of being deported and OWH would be guilty of fraud. BUT I have also been told (probably by WH) that neither of them are citizens which would make no sense to me.

They have probably been in the country less than 5 years, at least OW has. She is between 24-26. They have no children but he has children from a previous M or R.

I do not believe that OW came clean with her H, WH said she did and he is fine with it as long as he gets his citizenship <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Again, this makes no sense. But I know nothing about immigration laws.

The issue isn't really so much about who gets deported or whatever, although I would hate for OWH to get in trouble for fraud, but that is still not really my problem. The issue is this whole thing of IF WH can work it out, I will never be able to part of his work life. I have caused so much problem with not eating my crap sandwich politely.

Honestly, and I know many will disagree, I think short burst of exposure is called for. If WH and OW start back up, then I will shoot another stinger. Everytime she crawls out from under her rock, I will remind her that I will not show her any more respect than she showed my family.

They are scared I will name her in the D papers, and I will. I may lose my WH over this, but I am OK with this today. Maybe tomorrow I will feel different. WH is also threatening me with stalking and harrassment charges. She won't file because she is trying to keep her name out of the court system. WH won't file because he can't stand the thought of admitting his wrongdoing to anyone.


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
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Posts: 5,733
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This is my sugestions:
1. Don't file unless financially at risk.
2. Get more info. about OW/OWH, get PI if you have too.
3. Find out OW parent ... talk to 'em, let 'em know that their DD "shame" their family.

Hope this help.
-rh-


Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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Jean36 Offline OP
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Thanks for the advice redhat. I am curious about your 3 suggestions. Money for a PI is nonexistant. WH said he will be speaking to a lawyer this week about filing for D, so I am pretty sure I am at financial risk now. I think it is time to focus on covering my a$$, WH and OW and her hubby can all love happily ever.


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
R
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Member
R
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Unless and until you are served, WS could huff and puff. You will have time to look for lawyer. You file only when you are at risk w/o Dv. Dv protects you. My suggestion is not to file, you could shop for lawyer for now.

Get all info. about OW/OWH and expose 'em.

As for Asian's culture ... it is all about "face" or "family name". Talk to OW's parent.

I understand you are compelled to file but you should find out more info.

Good luck,
-rh-


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