Thank you, bob my dear friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hi FL! I think I will be going home from work soon. I can barely keep my head up.

From The Language of Letting Go
I need to learn to trust that all that I am going through will lead me to where I am supposed to be. My need to control events gets so strong at times...I am working on letting go and letting God work His plan in my life.

It is so amazing when I open this book and what I need is right there before me. I have this same experience when I open the Bible. I always seem to open to just the right verse.

hmmph, glad you picked up the book.

Having a "Godd" moment are you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You know what BR? I now carry both Beattie books with me so I can read whenever I have a free minute. Yep, had a God moment! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pkew! Pkew! Driveby.

Hi FF. My alarm is set to go off in three hours. Better sleep a bit I reckin.

GC

Another God moment...from "The Language of Letting Go":

Let fears slip away. Release any negative, limiting, or self-defeating beliefs buried in your subconcious too. These beliefs may be about life, love, or yourself. Beliefs create reality.

Let go. From deep within as your fears, resentments, and negative beliefs are stored, let them all go. Let the belief or feeling surface. Accept it; surrender to it. Feel the discomfort or unrest. Then let it go. Let new beliefs replace the old. let peace and joy and love replace fear.

Give yourself and your body permission to let go of fears, resentments, and negative beliefs. Release that which is no longer useful. Trust you are being healed and prepared for receiving what is good.

Today, God, help me become willing to let go of old beliefs and feelings that may be hurting me. Gently take them from me and replace them with new beliefs and feelings. I do deserve the best of life and love have to offer. Help me believe that.

more...

Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is co-dependency, a condition some describe as "soul-sickness".

Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery.

A return to the old feelings doesn't mean we're bck to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we have failed at recovery. They do not mean we're in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They are just there.

The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support..using our affirmations, and having fun.

I was feeling this way over the weekend...frustrated with slow recovery. We should be doing this, or doing that, he should be saying this, I should be feeling this, etc..
I was rehashing some triggers that I've encountered this month and was feeling a lot of hostility...slipping back to memories of events that occurred last fall. I saw an inspirational speaker at my work yesterday and she talked about reframing experiences in a more positive light.

Then I got a , DUH!!? moment. All these memories of last year that I was allowing to affect me happened LAST year. This year I am stronger, more confident and I know I will be just fine even if my M doesn't recover. Thats where I need to focus...let go of the old "bad" feelings and live in the moment.

FF, that's some really good stuff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ding, ding, ding... this is a bell-ringing thread for me.
Please, continue.

I agree...please continue. I had an ah ha moment when I read this. I must get these books you are referencing. Can you tell me the names and authors? Thanks!

Lost, both books are by Melody Beattie. "Codependent No More" and "The Language of Letting Go"

Glad you are getting something out of this! My big thanks to Bramble Rose for steering me to these books.

Thanks Faithful, I'll order them right away from Amazon. Do all BS have stacks of self improvement and relationship books, like me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Lost, I haven't read a novel or anything for pleasure in at least 2 years.

From The Language of Letting Go Many areas of our life need healing. One important part of our life is our sexuality. Our feelings and beliefs about our sexuality, our ability to nurture, cherish and enjoy our sexuality, our ability to respect ourselves sexually, our ability to let go of sexual shame and confusion, may all be impaired or confused by our codependency. Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love -- for ourselves or others. Some of us were sexually abused as children. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexually addictive behaviors -- compulsive sexual behaviors that got out of control and produced shame. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexual codependcy: not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn't want , sexually; allowing ourselves to get involved sexually because it was what the other person wanted;shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings;deying ourselves heathy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings. Our sexuality is apart of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy. It is a part of us that we can allow to become connected the the whole of us; it is a prat of us that we can stop being ashamed of.
It is ok and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed. It is connected to our creativity and to our heart. We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control us or our relationships. We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality. We can discover what that means in our life. We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting that gift.

The reason for the above post is this is an area that has been problematic for me. I have sought love through sex since I was a teenager. It is an area I am slowly making progress in. It really hit home when I read my journal from about a year ago and I was allowing my WH to have SF with me while feeling humilated because he did not touch me during SF. Finding self respect in all areas, including sexual is very important to my growth.

I just saw this today. {{{{FF}}}}

(i can relate to what you are saying too)

We have two controllers for sure, though WH thinks I am the only one.

Me-- Mine is more obvious (I have learned due to co-dependency and not recognizing and being able to express emotions)

WH--His is more passive-aggressive. Won't talk or will say what he thinks I want to hear. Hangs up on me.

One of the reasons I think I self-destructed and had the A. I had to be Miss Perfect and everything around me had to be in order. I placed HUGE burdens on my H and on myself. When we started to unravel, I could not deal. When I was really depressed and felt stretched too thin, I really struglled with asking for help. I am the caregiver and helper, it is hard for me to accept it back.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
wow...I know this feeling all too well now. It could just be THAT part of my mind (like the angel/devil on my shoulder) telling me this to protect me from further pain... Or, maybe I'm just lying to myself, denying to myself once again...maybe it's that co-dependency thing...
Dang! If I can't figure out what I think, how can I figure out if he's doing that same thing to me?
HRUMPH!

At least y'all seem to have figured out where you are & where you're going...or so it seems for MANY of us, I guess.
I feel like I'm trying to break freakin' code like in "The Matrix". Very confusing, exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes downright dangerous! But, I suppose my survival depends on it...