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Worry and obsession sucks up your life.
Once you decide to stop worrying, you have all this lovely free time with which to LIVE.
Most addicts (alcohlics/WSes, whatever) need that part of the relationship where the other person worries. Worry gives control over to the addict, and of course they know it. They all have an inate sense of when their spouse suddenly detaches ~ they sense the loss of control in the relationship.
This is why they will do anything and everything, bullying, threatening, button-pushing ~ whatever it takes to get the detaching growing spouse back into a comfortable spot where they can continue to do what they want.
Eventually, the addict either gives up and goes on to find an easier partner, or they change and start growing themselves.
This is why I stress so much about changing yourself, and its resulting change to the relationship.
If you change yourself, the dynamic of the relationship MUST change, and at that point it becomes clear whether a marriage can or can not change. BR, I just reread this thanks to LA giving this thread a bump. OMG, the light went on. We are at the point in our R again. I am sick and obsessing and he is pushing my buttons.* note to self to dig out my books and get back to working on ME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> LA, Thanks for the bump. Not sure why you did but it is very painful for me to see myself right back where I was months ago.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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{{FF}}
So what you going to do differntly??
love ya!!!
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LOL FL - YOU STOLE MY QUESTION!
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hi dorry!! hey what can i say, i type fast... or i'm a bit too bored at work today... ya know, i posted my thread and then came up with a plan and yet i myself am obessing right now. by obessing i mean worrying. WHY??? i have a plan. it's a good plan. That plan said NOTHING about start eating and don't stop until you feel sick.... and yet that is what i find myself doing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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It is a good plan, you can do it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I KNOW you can <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> DOnt let fear cripple you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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FF,
We need to slip back into old ways to find our payoff...sometimes, when we do the "I should live this way" instead of the "I am living this way" the beliefs behind it remain...no change, just change of action only...
This time, get to the center of your belief...you are whole, complete and marvelously made (even if you DID refuse to do the Owning All Your Villagers thread...nyuck nyuck nyah)...separate and equal...respect isn't based on actions...it is knowing this...being two wholes in one union...
You can do this. I believe in you. Nothing you can do will make me stop. Yes, I am neenering you...Can't make me, can't make me...
You're my heroine...God had me bump this...didn't tell me for whom.
LA
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FL and Dorry, I am working on an answer. Don't want to shoot from the hip.
LA, well you KNEW there was a reason I couldn't look in the mirror long enough to complete the task, right? Thanks for believing in me, maybe I need to believe in myself huh?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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maybe I need to believe in myself huh? You said it here girl...have some faith in yourself and the Father <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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FF, i'm heading out for the weekend. Call me anytime!!!! I'll be back online sunday night or monday morning.
I believe in you!!!
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(((((FF)))))..
Right here with you.
Can you teach me anything?
Eibrab
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We can learn together, right E?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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{{{FF}}}
thinking of you!!
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Thanks for bumping this, LA. Much needed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I am currently reading "The Language of Letting go". "Codependency no more" is next. This is such a timely BUMP for so many on this board.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Bumping because it's great...and great for you!  LA
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