I am falling deeper in depression. My w/h is throwing himself into his rediscovered love of hunting. All his hours are spent watching it, talking about it, and now since he got a taste of killing the ducks at dog field trials, he is actively trying to search for these trials to go shoot ducks. We are talking about weekends of being away to go to these field trials.
I am still waiting for him to want to do anything with me. We were going to buy me a shotgun so we could shoot clay pigeons together, but the reality is, he is using his sport to take the place of the ache and sorrow of the o/w. He doesn't want me involved in his sport.
He is pleasant enough around the house, but I feel more like a roommate or the housekeeper than a beloved wife. I have thoughts about leaving him all the time. I am tired of this game, I am tired of being something that he endures. He responds to me nicely, but doesn't even care enough to try to work on any mc. I want to do something outside of the house with him. I want to share recreational things with him. I'm tired of being only his see at home wife. My heart is aching, and I am tired of being hurt by his lack of interest in me or our relationship.
I am seriously thinking about seperating from him.

kds, have you told him all this? I think its important to be honest about this, but also to realize the state he is in right now. He is withdrawing from the OW and has nothing to give right now. I know it is extremely hard, for right now it might help to lower your expectations until he is through withdrawing.

Sounds very good to me. At least he is transferring his passion to something else. If I were you, I would get real busy taking care of your own needs. He may feel suffocated. If you have the money, get the gun, and go by yourself. When you start getting enthusiastic, he may too.

Melody, he tries to find reasons not to be home with me. He loves talking to ds about shooting, and they are always making plans and going shooting, without me of course. He acts normal around everyone else.
It is so hard seeing him treat me like a old worn out slipper that got tossed into the back of the closet. I feel there is little value place on my feelings or needs. I feel no better than his doormat that waits for his desires to be mentioned and I'm all over it, breaking my neck trying to do things for him. I will ask him if he wants some freshly brewed iced tea, he will say no, he wants water. I get him the water, and a couple minutes later he is pouring himself some tea. It's like he has to make a point not to accept anything I offer him, but the second I leave the room, he is helping himself to it.
I hate his selfishness. Its killing me.

kds, why not try a different approach? See, I think when you cater to his needs, it might make him uneasy because he feels obliged to respond in kind. He probably feels patronized because he realizes you are doing it to get something in return. This pushes him away even more because he is in a detached state of mind right now and has nothing to give. However, if you back off and let him come to you, he will be doing it because he wants to, rather than from a resentful feeling of obligation.

Why not STOP catering to him and back off completely? Stop sitting around waiting for him to toss you some crumbs and make your own plans? Concentrate on being as attractive, ie: pleasant, content, as possible. Make your own plans to have some fun and then when he warms up a bit, invite him to join you.

What do you think?

He has nixed the idea of me getting a gun. He said wait until I get a job, then I can go get a gun.
Yes, I know everyone says to take care of my own needs, but at this moment my needs are to be appreciated and valued, which is not happening now or maybe ever.
I am glad you think that things are looking up with him going through withdrawel, but my fear is that his selfishness is going to continue even after withdrawel. You see, my marriage before was shaky because of my husband's lack of respect for me. I am afraid he takes all of the Plan Aing as a sign of subservience, and the person that will do anything to make her husband stay. I am afraid he thinks I am desperate. Little does he know, I am not desperate anymore. In the beginning I might have been, but I am very comfortable with the idea of living on my own without him. I hope he doesn't wait until its too late and I don't want him anymore.

Melody, I think you hit the head on the nail.
I have been withdrawing from him for two days now, but still cooking and waiting on him, just not with a smile. I think I will take your suggestion and stop waiting on him and do my own thing. Last night I stayed on my side of the bed, upset and silently crying while he slept like a rock. I broke down in the middle of then night and tried to cuddle with him, and he politely asked me to move over. Rejected once again. Sometimes his being polite but indifferent is more cruel than if he just hit me.
What if he was right? What if he really didn't love me before the EA. What if everything I am doing is all for nothing. I don't want to be married to someone that doesn't love or respect me and my feelings. What if he doesn't ever change.
When I look straight into his eyes, I see a person that doesn't really like me, but doesn't want to hurt me. I don't see love, and I don't see concern, I see a person that is watching me with caution, and silently judging me. I don't like looking into his eyes. I don't like what I see anymore.