Today I attended a special event that my son participated in and happens to excel at. We were surrounded by many familiar faces and we actually went with friends of ours that we didn't see much during my H's A (he was too busy with work and was never home). I was so proud watching my "baby" so grown up and doing something he is so good at. It was the first time in forever that no thoughts of the affair even entered my mind.

Yet, after it was all over and I went back to work, this general feeling of sadness kind of overwhelmed me. I was thinking that this is what my life used to be like and could have been like if my husband had not betrayed me. No one knows what he did and I hide my pain most of the time, but dangit this really sucks big time. I know that I should not let those thoughts take hold, but it is just sad for me to think about how much of my life has changed in the past three or four years really. And the things that I have lost can never be replaced. I know I can rebuild and be happy again, but it still hurts that my husband of all people took that from me............

SpouseGuess,
Yes it really does s***. How would you like to feel like this after 32 years of marriage?
You see, it can always be worse than you imagined.
The plain truth is that we are imperfect people. This includes your S and it seems to be something we 've never really had to deal with in the past.
As absurd as it sounds, you've just learned that your H is an imperfect person. Nonetheless, God has given him to you as a gift. Wow, that must sound pretty stupid at this point, doesn't it? But the bottom line is that is how God views all of us, and would be insulting to Him to say " I reject your gift as worthless."
You see, in His eyes, we are all worthless, but nontheless, He Loves us all and sees the worth in all of us, in spite of our sinfull and worthless nature.
I would only ask that you pray and speak to your Lord and He may well give you the answers you seek.
All Blessings,
Jerry

Wow, Shinethrough, awesome post.

I hate to be depressing, but at times I think it is much easier not to reconcile. Sure, it is very sad, but the sorrow ends. At some point you just write your ex off.

Recovery takes a hero.

Shinethrough,

It does seem easier NOT to reconcile. but, what do you do when you have four pairs of eyes watching your every move and listening for every sound? I don't feel so heroic right now. My WH doesn't seem to get it. YET!

CANTDOIT,
In spite of your screename, Yes you can!
I'm not sure I understand your question. Could you eleborate about 4 pair of eyes, etc....
J

Shine - I think the four eyes belong to two kids.

4 pairs of eyes probably means 4 kids?

wow Beliver,
You said it yourself,
"but at imes I think it is much easier not to reconcile."
What ever gave you the idea that this would be easy???
It's not in God's Best Plan!!!!!
God hates divourse, it is clearly expressed in Scipture..
He only allows for this if there is UNREPENTANT unfaithfullness by our spouse!
If you and your spouse can recover from this, with God's help, then that is what God expects and requires of you.
Does this make sence?
Jerry

Sounds like closure hasn't happened yet. Maybe there is still something there?!??!?

What's your H like now?

L.

My H is wonderful these days - really. No signs of contact or anything since November 2003 when I first discovered things. I have a spouse that seems to have done everything right as far as NC. There are many unresolved questions on my end - his shame apparently keeps him from divulging everything, but I have learned to accept that. It just makes me sad - nothing more or nothing less.

I AM in this for the long haul and have no plans for divorce. I was merely stating how sad it is that things have really changed for me. We had a good marriage prior to this and no big conflicts, of course he is a CA big time. He says she met no ENs for him - it was just a fantasy. I have been following the thread that someone quotes from Frank Pittmans book, Private Lies, and it really strikes home in my situation. I'm just sad that someone I loved so much could do this to me for something that was unrealistic. I know I have to accept, but it is still hard..........