Well let me try to keep this as short as possible. I met the love of my life when I was 19, four years ago. She was an absolute angel. Every single emotional need was met and the sex was incredible. Together 4 years total

For two years we were in heaven. Then all of a sudden I get these mole looking things on my member and go the doctor and get diagnosed with genital warts, HPV. She is the first person I had ever slept with. I was beyond mortified, i was shell shocked. Then I get some infection that eats away like 60% of my scrotum like a flesh eating bacteria. The pain I endured during our third year was the most horrible thing I have ever been through. The freezing of the warts off and the 3rd degree like burns on my genitals was killer.

From being a loving kind gentle man, I became less caring and compassionate. I said many mean things which finally thats when she left. I did these things without even realizing it. They would just flow out. I had become enraged because I suspected she was seeing someone else, and she was. I saw them kissing, after we broke up, but i found out they were talking while we were together. I wish I had reacted in a positive way "Its okay I still love you" but I cant change that now. We were living together for four months only.

I still love her very much but she will only let me contact her through email. I know i was wrong for hitting her, but how do you react positively to your scrotum falling off. Now I am alone and with a horrible disease. All she got was abnormal pap smears, but I was the one who endured all the physical pain, when she was my first. Is all hope lost, she once called me her soulmate and worshipped me. Now she just wants me to dissapear out of her life so she can be with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> She says her only mistake was this HPV and I had my chance. She gave me the ole I love you but Im not in love with you. I fell out of love too when I went through this but she made enough deposits to save us, but I guess at the expense of her account withdraw.

What can I do, If I can?

What a very sad story. I feel very sorry for you. Of course it is never acceptable to hit your spouse which goes without saying. What you have gone through is horrific. I can understand your anger in that your trusted the love of your life and apparently she was seeing the OM and gave you this disease that has caused you so much pain. Please see a therapist and do not allow this to ruin your life. There are other people in this world who are trustworthy. The person you loved was not the person she really was. Everybody gets fooled now and then. I wish you luck.

Thank you for your kind words. I apologize to anyone that is offended by my post. I know this is a spiritual place but I wanted to tell like it is. I can remove anything if anyone wishes to do so. She says that this HPV was her only mistake. I still love her very much and remember all the fun times. She wants me to just move passed this, which I dont think she gets, is impossible. I feel I have been hurt forever. I just need some advice in which direction to move. Do i still try to make some sort of connection or do I just give up.

Hi, so sorry about this. I might be inclined to get physical had my H given me HPV. The effects you describe are so scary. Are your testes still in some decent shape? You did say 60%. Were you talking about the loose scrotal sac?

Man, I can't understand why you would want to take her back after such a betrayal. She won't talk to you, except on email? Sheesh. She doesn't deserve you.

What is the prognosis on your condition? Is it likely to recur? And are you going to be able to father children once you do get married?

HPV her only mistake? She minimizes it like that? She really doesn't get it, does she?

sympathy, sympathy, and more sympathy. You have been royally ripped off.

Sorry that you are here. I have a hard time believing that she doesn't also have HPV. I don't think she is being truthful about just an abnormal pap smear.

HPV stays with you for life, but can be treated to prevent outbreaks.

I find it very strange that she would want to stay with the jerk who gave her this.

Yes Bellevue the loose scrotal sac was what became infected. I lost about 60% of the tissue and only now after two and a half years is it about 80% repaired, scarred but repaired. the rest of my area about 40% is also scarred from the freezing off of all the warts. She swears that she didnt know she had it and that she was always faithful. Its on the inside that I am FUBARe'd

Yes as of right now the virus is life long. Their is a shot that will work like a condom, but thats it. The outbreaks will still happen. As of right now kids are out of the question, risking infecting someone else. I would have to wait untill this shot comes out in 2007.

When I got it i believe I beacme a borderline personality disorder person. Then upon break up I had a mental breakdown. I am on AD's so its a little better now. What do I do though. She wont even answer my emails now. I feel so robbed, out spirit, mind, and body. I forgave gave her castrating me, but she wont forgive me. I also dont think she gets that me seeing her kiss that guy hurt more than any physical pain I ever went through.

Any advice I cant help but care for her still, I know I am a fool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

You are not a fool, this is the perfect example of love knowing no boundries.

I just wanted to bring some HVP information to your attention (however, with your expereince, I'm sure your already aware):

Most people who become infected with HPV will not have any symptoms and will clear the infection on their own.

Some of these viruses are called "high-risk" types, and may cause abnormal Pap tests. They may also lead to cancer of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus, or penis. Others are called "low-risk" types, and they may cause mild Pap test abnormalities or genital warts. Genital warts are single or multiple growths or bumps that appear in the genital area, and sometimes are cauliflower shaped

Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.

There is no "cure" for HPV infection, although in most women the infection goes away on its own. The treatments provided are directed to the changes in the skin or mucous membrane caused by HPV infection, such as warts and pre-cancerous changes in the cervix.

HPV stands for Human Papilloma Virus. This is a very common sexually transmitted virus. An estimated 75 percent of the reproductive-age population has been infected with sexually transmitted HPV. A small fraction of men and women with HPV will develop genital warts. Another small fraction of women with HPV will develop cervical changes. Most people will have no changes

- HPV is very common; most sexually active people are infected at some point in their lives.
-It should be considered a chronic condition for which there is no cure but which may clear up on its own.
-Re-infection is possible.
-All women should have regular pap smears.
Women who smoke do not clear HPV as quickly as non-smokers. Smoking itself is a risk factor for cervical cancer as well as many other cancers.

It is possible for her to have had this infection before you and not have known it. I'm not saying that is true, but that it is possible. It also has very different effects on women than men. Please be aware that it is a common disease, however it can go away on it's own. Yes, it does stay with you for life, just the same as the chicken pox virus does, as is the rule with any virus. However, the ill effects of this virus will / can eventually stop and the virus will only be harboured in your system. I hope this helps somewhat, if not for you, then for others reading this information.

I am sorry that you hit your wife but under the circumstance I can't imagine why you would want her back. It takes the both of you to make the marriage work. God have someone for you. BUT! do what makes you happy. Your story is tragic.

EEEEEUUUUW! and OOOUCH! I know how sensitive that area is.

I also know the kind of pain a betrayed spouse feels. You saw her kissing the OM. I endured almost a decade of an emotional affair that froze me out of and erased me from my H's life. I was crazy. I picked my screen name because Bellevue is the name of a ward for really hopeless crazies, in New York City.

Why are you even trying to contact this witch? She isn't even sorry. You probably feel like you want "closure". Well, that isn't going to happen.

Come here and vent, make MB your support group. You certainly have reason to grieve. I am impressed that knowing what you have, you are too responsible and mature to consider putting another person at risk. That to me speaks volumes about your character and decency.

Welcome, Gemy.

My STBX gave me herpes. He lied about being disease free before we were married. I had my first outbreak after my child was born. HSV can be very dangerous to a baby if it's active when the baby passes through the birth canal. While I felt betrayed by his lying, I was able to forgive that. However, my faith in his moral strength was shaken to the core because he didn't have the guts to tell me before the baby was born.

I seem to be more susceptible to the virus. Without meds, I have about 14 outbreaks a year, and this is after 9 years! Most people only have one or two.

My STBX never wanted to hear about the pain I was experiencing. He just wanted me to shut up about it. He wanted to forget all about it. Like you, I couldn't when I was in pain, and my pain was nothing compared to yours.

BTW, there is hope about kids. There are websites for people with HPV and HSV.

I know there is hope thank you. I just feel so, i dont even know, lost. Out of high school I had such high hopes. I was admitted 6 months early into a UC school to study biomedicine with a scholarship. Now Im 24 and have two years left of school. I am so depressed I hope I can pass my classes. Like you said GREENGABLES she never understood my pain.

I swear, what are the chances of me getting such a horrible disease on my 1st try <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I am so scared, im terrified. I am shy as it is and its almost like females can smell it. I went dancing and in a month no one has wanted to dance with me, and i am decent looking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Now I have to explain the HPV. Sometimes I feel like god never intended me for a sunbeam. I was always the kid picked on no friends, and finally when I turned my life around, i got screwed again.

All I ever wanted was a degree, home, wife, and kids. I never cared for partying or money. I havent been able to stop crying daily for 4 months, i feel so alone. Im sick of rolling over to an empty spot in bed, and shopping with a basket not a cart. I feel like I shouldve been an unconditional loving husband. But would a rabid dog bite the hand that feeds it? I just want my life back.

Thank you greengables and bellevue for hearing me out. Like you everyone else says why do you want her back? i guess because before the HPV she did make me real happy..

IF, hypothetically, we did try again what are the circumstances and conditions to make it work? I know for one she has to want to come back right? Should i just leave her alone:(

After reading your post, I hope you have a counselor to help you through this difficult time.

gemy4, you can't help feeling gunshy. In a sense your wife castrated you, mutilated and maimed your genitals. And tries to minimize her bad deed.

All she ever did, the one thing she ever did wrong, was to give you HPV. And you go and take it personally! Why, you selfish pr0ck! How can she ever forgive you!

sarcasm over.

I don't think she will come back. My take on this is, she cheated on you because her character is flawed and she can't ask for forgiveness because she isn't sorry. She isn't repentant.

But you're still fantasizing about a reunion and about having a marriage. Normal, we all do it. We daydream about the cheater coming to us and saying "I was so worng. You were right all along. I see now what I have lost with you. Please forgive me, let me come back and be the best spouse a man ever had. Also, lets go to a marriage builders weekend, a Retrovaille workshop, and do everything possible to rebuild our marriage. I love you, I hate the person I cheated with, they are garbage, and I want to take out an ad on a billboard on Main Street and tell the world I love you."

At least, that's what I wanted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

The girls don't want to dance with you because it radiates from you that you are rejected and damaged right now. Your self-confidence is shot. Not appealing to women. THey love cocky, self-confident men. You are still in school. Can you sublimate all your energy into academics for a few years? That's an investment in your life and your future.

Gemy4. Your story is much like mine. I went through a similar thing about 15 years ago.

If you want to talk more about this, email me at bluesjazzbilly@yahoo.com

Anyway, here are a couple of things that I want to share with you.

First, your resentment is never going to go away......ever. You, like me, will learn to get it under control, but it will be a part of you from here on out. Sad, but true. Your feelings of wanting her back are absolutely crazy. I know because I was just like you. For me, the wanting her back went on for about 10 months until I finally began to see things for what they were. If she did get back together with you, your resentment would only get worse.......believe me. Your situation is bad now, but it could be worse, much worse. What if you got so angry with her that you REALLY hurt her, or killed her? Would you want to be going through this in prison or in the comfort of your own life? She already did this lousy thing to you. I believe that she is capable of worse torture. Here's how you get even with her. Let her go. She is stuck with herself forever. You aren't. Seize your freedom now. Want to get even with the other guy? Let him keep her.



The way that you react to this will be a turning point in your life. The task at hand, for you, is to turn this into something positive. Very difficult, but possible.

I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. I wish you luck. contact me if you would like to talk more.

VERY TRUE. I was infected with HPV 12 or more years ago with my first lover, my first husband. I had no major problems until one year ago when I required surgical removal of bad cells from my inner girly parts.

HPV happens. I'm sorry the OP had such a BAD experience with HPV, but I'm sure his doctors have told him that his situation is the exception, not the norm.

Chances are she never even knew she had HPV. My doctor didn't tell me.

Mrs. W8ing

Hey, Gemy, don't you know?
The kids that are get made fun of during school are always the ones who become rich, famous, or successful! Millionaires usually have lost fortunes before they figure out how to keep ahold of those millions. All you have to do to win is get up one time more than you are knocked down.

If you don't have a counselor, get one. Your school may be able to provide one for free. Are the ADs working?

I know you probably feel like your life is over. It's not. Look at me. I'm 38 years old. That's what? 14 years older than you. I'm ending my marriage, I'm changing careers, getting my finances in good order and I'm scared, optimistic, exhilerated.
Before I got here, I was frustrated, unhappy and defeated for a couple of years. I was mourning the loss of my dream.

Break down a few simple elements of your dream. Focus on your degree like Bellevue suggested. When you do well on your exams, you'll get a lift. Just doing something will give you a lift. As for the empty spot, a pillow has worked for some. Or if your landlord will let you, a cat.

IF she didnt know she had did I make the worst mistake inmy life. Was I wrong for becoming angry at her when she didnt know. People always told me to treat her good. I guess I was just mad at the situation and took it out on her. Did I push her into his arms? Should I have acted differently?

She didn't need pushing into any guy's arms. She flopped into them all on her own. You have a lot of grief to process. She is too immature to have tried to commit to marriage. She was simply not ready.

You'll be hurting for a long time. Nobody can pour anesthetic over your wounds, physical and psychic. You will get through this, a day at a time. And if a day seems too long a period to endure, try a smaller unit of time.

On D-day and for time after that, I just wanted to die. Life was too painful. There was no hope to rebuild our marriage; my husband was too caught up with his Best Friend.

I set myself small goals. A 20 minute walk with the dog. A decade of the rosary. A call to cheer up my uncle. Or a call to cry on his shoulder. A plan to walk through the park where Christmas lights were being displayed, with the mother of a boy in my son's class, as they ran on up ahead. ANd meanwhile, talking to her about anything BUT the sitch.

These are housewife examples. I know there have to be positive things you can do in small increments to get through the day and the week and all the rest of the time that it is going to be hurting.

You will get through it. Keep a journal, or post here.

(((((((((((there sweetie))))))))))))))

Thank You I just feel ive dissapeared off the face of the earth. She lives 5 blocks away, its like starving and the plate is right there but not being able to touch it. i have to drive past her house and work to get on the freeway. this seems like such a sick joke it cant be true. I have to get my name off the car that I bought her that she rides him in now...Goodnight

HPV happens <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> that was funny. Chances are that she didnt know, chances are that she got the worst high risk type 16 or 18, chances are my experience are an exception not a norm, chances are I got it on my first girl, what are the chances LOL. Or did just fall for a bad girl........