Thank-you Orchid. I will do this Monday when I am alone. I will post it. One thing is the Ow and her H are moving out of the area. That is a great thing but I wonder if there will be someone else. I just feel so slaone. You know this is harder than anything. To think the man that I sahre so many memoires with so many years with. 21yrs. I have loved him so much- this whole in my heart is growing larger by the day. He used to be there. He is so uncaring - it shows he is just into himself. Justifies everything he does and ays. He is making up new stories and time limits by the second here. I am spinning with all the new stories he comes up with first it was an hour, then 20 minutes then 30 minutes, then I don't know how long I was there. I only spoke to her for a minute -ect ect.

"Privacy" = I'm going to take a nap, or a take a shower, or use the toilet. You'll know what I'm doing; I'll just be alone while I'm doing it.

"Secrecy" = I don't want you to know what I'm doing. You'd spoil my fun if you did.

Privacy has a place in a marriage. Secrecy has none. There is no faster way to destroy a marriage than to start invoking secrecy.

Duly copied into my personal " wonderfully apposite quotes" file. Thanks Mulan! ;grin:

{{{{{{realtor}}}}}}}}]
I'm so sorry for your pain.

He's just spewing quotes from the Wayward Manual 101 my dear.

the old "why don't you give me space?" "we only talked..it's not like we did it"...or "I knew you'd do/say/that when you found out so I didn't tell you."

I'd call the OWH immediately. I'd thank him for going to the lunch and for working on his marriage...I'd be all friendly and nice. You will find out in .0001 second if he did NOT attend the lunch.

Why do I have the feeling that many WS out there commit so many sins of commission...but that they believe sins of OMISSION are far less damaging to us? a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie...

Realtor - it's time to forget about his drama for now. If you can't Plan B him physically, you can at least detach from him emotionally.

Think back to times when things were really rough for you as a realtor - and you kicked some major **** and got deals done for your clients. Do some neighborhood walk-throughs - send thank you postcards to your past clients and thank them for their trust and business and referrals. Get tunnel vision about the career - stay at work late to catch those evening call-ins for buyer and seller agents. I know this is a rough time of year for listings, but look for investors to represent. They are out to snap up properties like crazy this time of year.

Ignore Mr. Drama Queen - he doesn't give a rip for you right now, compared to his mid-life crisis or whatever is going on with him.

Then you can kick him to the curb, but what's more likely to happen is he's seeing the train fueling up to leave the station and he might get his head and heart in sinc so you don't have to take drastic measures.

Be sweet and kind, but detach, detach detach. This is a time for a 180 for a Plan B alternative, until you can do a Plan B for real.

I am detaching. If he asks me if I love him I am going to say I love the old you not the one I have now. I am not responding to him this am. He is as nervous as a tick. Cooked me breakfast ect. I don't really care. I feel so different it is nice. I don't care what he does anymore. I am taking care of myself. Until he gets his head out of his a$$ I have nothing to say. It is a waste of words. I am sick of hearing his blah,blah, blah. I did nothing wrong -it was everyone else. I feel nothing at this point. I deserve better than this sh$t.

You may feel better...he cooked breakfast (yea for him)...

but wht dynamic is really different?

Was there anything to make this man want to change his behavior?

Actions force other actions on other people.

Call the OMW. Do the friendly talk I said to him...the "I am so happy youv'e healed your M that you could as a couple go to lunch with My H and that we are moving past this." You'll find out quick.

Words do not matter to a WS.

Ignoring them doesn't really either.

Actions are what they fear. He's nervous not for what you will SAY to him girlfriend...but what you may be capable of DOING.

Stupd wayward spouse action=negative proactive wife reaction. Wayward spouse does something good=good actio from proactive wife.

That's the equation to kill an affair relationship.

I am going to the OW home this week. Her H is retired and should be there. I am bringing the e-mails with me. It is time to stop all this b.s. and hit the nail on the head. I am just done with there games. I did not get excited over his breakfast -big deal. I am staying away from him today. As I have said I am done. He made a comment taht I do not seem happy. OH YEAH - I am happy you two are in contact. Yeppie - I said I am disappointed in you. and walked away.

It's different this time. isn't it? When your mind and heart sync up and you realize how much he has deceived you..... the anger builds up.

Now Realtor, I realize this c/b happening to you. With your anger your should funnel this energy into a plan as you have outlined. Take it a step further and secure yourself.

1. R U going t/g to see OW's H alone? Best someone come with you.

2. R U financially, emotionally and mentally realdy if this actions makes the WS leave? You may want to secure this 1st before you contact OW's H.

Please read the 5 stages of grieving link in my sig line. It will have greater meaning now.

BTW, a decisive BS who doesn't reveal her/his plans to the WS scares the dickens out of the WS. LOL!!!! WS don't like it when they don't know what the BS is up to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That's your ace in the hole. Hold onto it. Don't reveal your plan.

Expect him to swing the pendelum from nice to mean in order for him to find out what you are going t/d.

take care,
L.

Yup, men have a real instinct for knowing when their wife has really HAD IT. It's like a switch flipping off. Cared, love him, wanted him back - to don't care, don't love him, don't want him back...

The good news is, if he comes around someday and surrenders, he can open your heart to him again. But he's scared now, and he should be!

Dear Realtor,

Please Listen to this piece of advice! DO NOT GO TO OW's House ALONE!!!

When I went I took my sister and we brought a tape recorder, Just put it into your purse and have it on the whole time you are there.

OtherWomen lie - they are experts at it. You need to be able to prove you didn't start any physical confrontation, because when fogged up your husband will believe you are capable of truly rediculous things that you would NEVER do. My husband kept acting like I was going to hit him, he'd flinch, he'd act like he was terrified of me. I had proof of what happened, and I needed it, becaue her friend called the cops, I had a witness and a tape to back me up.

Please take a friend and a tape recorder, a hidden video camera would be even better.

By the way if I ever suspect H again, I will hide an auto voice recorder in his vehicle. These things are very easily available now.

I will bring a tape recorder. I fully expect her H to be there. If not I will go out with her for coffee. I do think he is afraid right now -being so sweet. He is horny and wants sex/ Not getting it here - I am ice -

Is this going to produce the best results? What result are you aiming for here?

Who r u going out to coffee with?

As for the WS being horny....that comes with the guilt territory. While some may think it is ok to give in into his impulses....instead it may show you are an easy mark.

L.

You think I should? I feel zero -not sure if I can perform.

Oh, I didn't mean just jump into bed with him. But I don't think giving him the ice-queen treatment is going to help very much either! Again, consider exactly what it is that you're trying to accomplish. Consider what is the end result that you're aiming for, then consider if your actions are helping you to achieve that end result.

Listen to me - this is year 3 -she is still in picture - I am lonely and still unloved.Now we got a phone call and he is on strike. I just do not feel it. I am sick of being used secually = if I am going to be a prostatute I want meony. I have always responed willing to hi over these years. I just can not stna dit anymore. I am tired I want to be the one-you know what I mean. I do not want to be the one of the moment because she is not around. I am very oldfashioned and yet I can see his point. I get looks from many men and I do not care because I am M. I feel hollow -if only my H good undrstand but his needs come fisrt and the ****** with mine. I want sex to but not with someone dreaming of someone else.

Realtor - why on earth, when you are sitting on his lap and being smoochy with him, would he then mention OW? What on earth is he playing at?

Quote : "I flipped. Yes I was wrong. But why then??"

You were NOT wrong. What he did was stupid, childish and totally insensitive. Not the actions of a loving husband at all. Your anger was justified and Mulan is 100% right to say secrecy has no place in marriage. The ball is in your court Realtor.

tuck =thank-you - I am going to sleep soon -tomorroaw is another day. I am so tired I feel like I could pass out. I am sick of all this. I feel bad, can not eat, sleep, my kidney infection I could care less about. I just want to lie downa nd never get up.

Well, get some rest and I hope you wake up tomorrow with a sense of determination that things have to change. Look after yourself Realtor. I got really sick in the summer and I'm sure I was so emotionally worn out it made things worse. TT