Did you read my post? That's what I think...

Just talk..for no good reason...

Mimi,

Yeah I just saw that... I was skimming so fast I missed it....


I do hope thats the case..... But anyhow I have been looking a divorce stuff on the net and I had no idea what all is involved myself....

I now know for a fact WH has no clue. I think he thinks he can just walk in and say he wants a D and thats it..... I never knew how much paperwork and questions and stuff was involved.... I saw were the paper work just for the money issues are a lot like 5 yrs tax returns and on and on ....

And being a long term marriage and not really working that much over the years is in my benefit for sure....

I do believe he will be in for a big shock .....

So let this D stuff go and try to enjoy your weekend.

That's what he is doing...

Hurting -

Hi - Mimi has some great advice. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better too.....

{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

I am going to try mimi....

I have to work the next 2 nights so that will help....

I just hope I get no more messages this weekend....

I just called SIL and told her I don't want to hear anything more WH has to say..... She said ok ...

MIL is trying to convince me I need to let OW know what is going on.... I keep telling her its not a good idea..... But boy would I love her to know.....

I hate to say this BUT...

Those are his relatives...

I would remain careful with them...

GUARDED....

Kim,

At this point I don't think anything is going to make me feel good.. Just not knowing is really doing me in.

If I had some legal help I might would feel better but my fear now is getting screwed big time.... I just want him to pay if he goes through this....

I don't want this to be easy for him at all....

Not to worry Mimi, I just told her I wanted no more of his messages.... Unless it has to do with DS or DD or money ...

MIL I am not owrried about either, she wants me to take him for all I can.... She says he brought this on hisself now make him pay ....

Do NOT do this!!! You have mentioned it twice now, so I am afraid you are starting to seriously consider it. It is a really really bad idea.

First of all, she will think you are making it up. Even if she starts to think there is some truth in it, he will tell her you are crazy and will do anything to break them up. he will tell her that all this d talk has made you crazy and you will stop at nothing.
then he will call you up and SCREAM at you for trying to break them up. He will say other mean and nasty things like "Look, I don;t love you anymore, it is over, just get over it, leave me alone, stay out of my life, you were never a good wife and now you are trying to punish me, blah blah blah"
Sound familair? You don't need that. You have enough bad memories in your mind right now, you don't need to add this to it.
Also, talking to her will only give her the chance to also say mean things to you, get into some big ugly arguement, and ruin all the progress you have amde in yoru own personal mental health.

Finally, lets say that you called her up, and you were "successfull". In other words, lets say you called her, and told her that he has been coming back to you for SF. And lets say she is shocked and decides to kick him out of the apartment that very minute. She packs his stuff and leaves it at the door for him.

What do you think he will do then??? Call you up, apologize for everything, and come home ready to do all the hard work of building a new, better M?

Not! He will be so angry at you for "breaking him up from his soul mate". Right now, I truly believe that his A is starting to fall apart. He is grasping at anything he can to save it. "if I had more money to spend on her, If I go ahead and file for D....".
But none of those things will save a R that is doomed.
and when it falls apart on its own, you will still be the lighthouse. The one who was there for him, who didn't beat him up, even when you had every reason to.

Don't call the OW. That never goes well.

I am not going to call her, I know it would make things worse for me in the long run. I want him to come home because he wants to not because she kicks him out...

I wish I had the faith that you do that htis A is falling apart but I just don't see it.... Seems to me he is happy with his descions right now....

But not to worry I am not calling her ..... She is not worth my time

Almost time for work..... I am so tired tonight tried to sleep this afternoon but didn't happen..... Don't know how I am going to do this on 5 hours sleep in the since yesterday morning.... I know one thing phone being turned off in the morning. I don't need no more calls from anyone telling me anything a bout WH and his insane plans...

Well everone have a good night .....

Good Morning Hurting,

How are you doing?

Do you have another phone?

Were you able to get money out of the account this morning?

Love, Lady

Good Morning Lady,

Well the money didn't come to my account so he had it stopped. So far my cell phone is is still on but who knws for how uch longer.

But as I was checking the bank records online I found a new account number. Seems when he transfered the money last week he did it by phone and it went to his old account, then transfered it to a new account. Funny thing is it showed the new account number. So I have written it down. But I can't access it since it must be in his name only.
So now I have no money and I feel he is not going to ive me any. I don't know what to do I don't get paid until the 25th and I am flat broke with bills due....

This sucks, I can't believe he is doing this.... I don't know what to do now?

Oh no Hurting, I can't believe it either!! I bet he wants you to call him for money. Can you have someone call him for money??

There has to be an answer here. God please help Hurting, she needs money!!

Love, Lady

I know this pain. You gotta stand firm! It is a ploy that WS use to crush the BS...usually a guy will do this to a woman ..as per my old attorneys.

I'd get lawyer if it killed me...somehow.

I'd file for an emergency hearing for spousal support since he is squandering funds. I had to do that. My xh tried same thing ok?

I am praying for you.

He's out in affair/crackland and is stuuuuuupid and selfish. I don't feel sorry for a WS this bad though. I rather DETEST THEM! He is sick and makes me wanna vomit.

What is evidently part of the Xtreme WS handbook is "When You are not getting your way and she is not bowing down to your commands, and does not understand that you just want to be happy, take her money away. That way she might think that money can make her happy since YOU, the WS cannot make her happy. It is a tool you can use to make her bow and heed your every command..Plus, since you don't get any respect from her since you've decided to live your life like a manho, it is a way to FORCE contact and respect."

I swear it must read like that. My old lawyers said a cheating Man will do one of two things if they don't wake up and a divorce is imminent:
1)their conscience is soooooo hurting that they sign everything over to the BS (which is rare)...
or the more common and a sign of the NEW TIMES (said this trend has become so scary in last 10 years)
2)the man blames the betrayed W for everything in M...and accuses of W standing in way of happiness and spins it to that everything is the BS fault and takes all assets and plays extreme hardball so that their conscience is NUMBED BY THE WHOLE THING...that they literally get so bad, even after a divorce normal communication, civil communication is not ever gonna happen. If it's this kind of a WS, you can expect nothing going by the books...and multiple trips into a courtroom for fairness since the WS is devoid of conscience and guilt...it will take an impartial judge to properly divide the assets.

My xh was sooo bad Hurting, that he FIRED HIS ATTORNEY before we went into mediation session b/c his attorney told him that "IF YOU GO TO COURT DARTH...THE JUDGE WILL AWARD PEACH MORE THAN YOU ARE OFFERING. I AM SAYING LET'S DO THIS FAIRLY...LESS THAN WHAT SHE WANTS BUT WITHIN GUIDELINES OF THE LAW." Darth fired him.

Get it?

There are some attorneys who work pro bono. (meaning they collect when you collect...negotiate their terms up front so they don't sc#ew you either).

Either way, dealing with a non guilty feeling WS is a bad thing. Treat them like you would when dealing with a sleazy used car salesman or a criminal.

I agree with this. It's justice that needs to be done with you WH now!! Hurting, you need a lawyer quickly. Only it's hard to get one on a Saturday. Sell his tools!!
Get a lawyer who will agree to a percentage of your award... something.....probono....


I believe this is your WH exactly.... Don't bow to him!! Let a judge deal with that abusive *****. In the meantime you need money! And you need your phone!!

Love, Lady

Consider the following:

1. Open your own account. Start funneling whatever you can.

2. Go see your local family court and get legal aide advice.

3. Check out the local women's abuse and shelters, they may have services you can use for legal advice.

4. Make the list he requests, in addtion to material things, put on the list that you want your H back....the real one, not the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry the WS is such a 'jak-donkey'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

L.

So what do I do now? I don't want to call him. I need some money but I fear no matter who calls he is not going to give me anything.

I just don't know what to do.....

I can't believe he is being like this, I am just so shocked he could not even worry about it.... And this from a man who used to do everything he could for me and not want me to go without. How can someone become so cold so fast???

I am going to open an account Orchid whe nI get paid the 25th ....

I have been to family court last w eek they tell me i can file but I have to have someone draw the papers up and still pay 159.00 to file... I can't even put gas in the car right now more or less pay that... legal aid won't help already called them ... They don't take many family cases.

The list maybe I should just put that one thing on there and mail it to him .... lol

I do wonder if this a way for him to get me to cower down and beg him....

Who can call 4 you? Get a 3rd party to ask for the $$. Check out your options and take inventory of what you can liquidate.

What about any other financial links/accounts? Get financial advice....hear it all, then go be resourceful. You'd be surprised what can come out

I even did a few garage sales..... boy it was tempting to sell WS' tools. LOL!!!

L.