Find resources to get attorney..some are pro bono. I have said this before.

You may be able to even get a paralegal to help.

Call area bar association and ask them.

Meanwhile do what you can for the kids. He's crazy hon.

My xh did this to me...but I was able to retain an attorney with little I had left..remnants of 401k from when I'd worked before becoming a sahm.

Call a women's shelter and see if they have a legal advocate.

What he is doing is abuse.

And the courts will see it WHEN you get your foot in there.

He is whining...throwing a tantrum...saying "If I can't get her to bless this. Or like it...I will destroy her if she doesn't give me what I want...I want what is mine...Mine! Mine. " Just like a baby crying "mine" when it wants another child's toy. Get it?

He falls into the no conscious WS category. Type that needs to legally be dealt with.

Please do not let your daughter in on as much of this ok? I am worried b/c she is carrying this burden. She is not yoru keeper nor is she her fathers' keeper either. She needs to be as untouched by this as possible ok? Whether five or fifteen, try to help the kids.

Get her into counseling also. Just being the "labeled" go between for the 2 of you is causing damage.

Be kind and loving to her. Don't lean too heavily on her...she is the child...NOT the parent.

Go for xh's jugular financially right now. He's in full affair mode and is like an outta control train swerving into everything in his path.

Divorces imho..go full speed ahead when the WS does thisd maneuver. They are so angry and mad and wanting their way, they will do the unthinkable to get it. They figure the BS will crumble, and that they will roll over paws up and accept this fate...but funny thing is...most BS don't. They FIGHT BACK WITH BRAINS AND MORALITY!

You gotta stay sane and reallize this can be won...but that your WH is the loser here dear.

I walked these shoes. Had 2 eviction notices served on me before. Had to file bankruptcy. But I am doing ok now...AFter dust settles, the man will see at some point he doesn't want his kids living in the dirt. He will wake up.

His ego as protector and dad good guy is soooo tarnished he's taking this out on everybody. But this is the lot for the WS.

Let your boss know. Let everybody that would help know. Let your church friends know. Call women's shelter...this is a form of abuse.

Peachy,

I am doing the calls for help have no doubt about that.

I will find some somewhere.

I did not ask DD to be in the middle, her dad did that when he asked her to have me make a list. I do not tell her what my plans are I don't hink she needs to know.

I am not going to crumble in his path, right now I thinks he believes I will because he knows how I feel. I believe thats because he knows I was in a depressed state before all of this happen. Well before being that person I have always been a strong person and stood up for myself and he knows this. Well that person is coming back more and more everyday. So I will not back down now and allow this to continue. He will be forced into doing the right thing by us.

It will all work out in the end of that I have no doubt. I will get over this bump in the road. It's pretty rocky right now but I see smooth road up ahead with or without him....

Yippee!! You're back in the saddle!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have you contacted your church for support? You are in the heart of the Bible Belt my friend and the church may help you. The other thing I would do is contact the local newspaper and tell your story. There is probably a section in the paper where they share hard-luck stories to raise money for charities. You have the story they are looking to hear. You are a hard-working, Christian mother trying to save her marriage. Perhaps in your church or community is an attorney who will hear your story and offer you assistance. Or perhaps the church or some other community agency would hear your story and offer you money.

Oklahoma is a state that prides itself on family values. A deserted wife without support doesn't fit the image this state wants to project. Use that to your advantage to get assistance. Sign-up for every type of assistance offered. I know it is demeaning and tedious to do, but do it. You need the help and that is why it exists.

Yup Mimi I am back in the saddle .... No matter what happens.

I am off work tuesday so I will be busy busting my butt to get something done....

I have to work tomorrow from 11 am until 8 pm so not much time to do much. But I do have the lawyer to talk to in the morning, keep your fingers crossed he will help me....

Hi Hurting, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How was your day?

lady,

The day was ok.... I got some bad news about a dear friend of ours. So it messed my day but other than that I am doing ok....

Still have no moeny yet but I didn't expect it today. I am hoping this next week sometime, he supposedly has to wait for his new bank card to come.. And then you know he is gone all week so who knows....

Time will tell if he comes through ...

If he doesn't leave to early in the morning you would think he could make a withdraw from the bank, he should have a temp bank card or something....What about a check?

Well, hopefully he will come through with the money.

Hello HIO, I have been gone for little over a month now but am back posting again. I have been reading your posts and it is similar to mine's-you can read up on it when you get time. I wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. Stay encourage b/c this will work out for your GOOD. It took me awhile to get there but I did. I never thought that I would but I have such peace right now that it is funny. This is a wonderful group of people and without them and GOD, I don't know where I would be.

KEEP THE FAITH! GOD LOVES YOU!
HE(GOD) MAY NOT COME WHEN YOU WANT HIM BUT HE IS ALWAYS ON TIME.
La Shell

lady,

He leaves on sundays nights. So no chance of him going to the bank. I also had thought of a check but I am not sure if he has any. WH has never been a check writter. I will bid my time until this weekend for him to come through...

I am still going to bust my butt this week to get something done.....

lashell,

Thank you for your kind words. I have faith it will work ot for the good in time. Your right without god and this group of people I would be a wreck.... I glad you feel at peace with your life. Thats a wonderful thing.... Take Care

HIO, I just had an idea. I certainly hope that this does not sound stupid or flip. But, it might work. Let me just throw this out there. I do believe that you need all the help that you can possibly get right now. Ok, are you ready for this.... hope I don't sound too stupid here ...

Dr. Phil !! Perhaps writing an e mail to his show might, just might get their attention. And, maybe they can help you. It seems to me that he has helped alot of people in situations like this. I do believe he is quite generous with his resources if he was to get involved.

Ok, I said it. I am just sitting here trying to think of what could possibly move this along, financially for you. Just a suggestion is all. Just trying to help you out of this temporary fix you are in, because of them.

Best regards - car

Carnation,

To be honest I had never thought of anything like that. Oh wouldn't that be grand expose my WH to the whole world .... Boy that would be something.....

Actually in a way I like the idea but I don't think Dr. Phil would relly be interested.... I will sleep on this though thanks for the idea.....

Dr. Phil has already done one story from here. He covers infidelity quite a bit. Give it a try, the worst he can do is not respond!

this is true ..... I had no idea he has done someone from this forum.... I don't get to atch Dr. Phil very often... But I do like him and his approach to people...

Well just had a conversation with DD. She is upset because she talked to her dad earlier this evening and he was kinda cool towards her. She was trying to talk to him and started crying. she said hearing his voice just set her off. She has not seen him in like 3 weeks so I assume its withdrawl she is going through.

she said she called him back to see if she could see him before he left tonite but he was already gone. OW was also gone so she got no answer. She did say he did not ask her anything about if I made the list or not. She said the only thing he asked was how did I react to DS going with him the other night in the truck .... She told him I was shocked but happy DS spent some time with him.

she feels like WH is now pushing her away as well... She says mom he sounds so unhappy an not like himself, she thinks he is hurtng. I told her I have no idea what he is feeling but she just needs to not worry over it. I wish I coould take her pain away and make it easier for her. She told him she loves and misses him and just wants him to come home. I have no idea what his respose was I didn't ask, I don't want to know....

the kids are out for fall break starting Wed. so DS is goin gto go with his dad in the truck for a few days. that is if WH can come back this way and pick him up at SIL's. I am happy WH is spending some time with him. DS still told his dad he will not go to OW's home though.

So anyhow I feel bad for DD I am trying so hard to make her happy an realize things will change for the better. This is so hard on the kids I wish WH could see that.....

Well I am waiting for the lawyer to call me. If I on't hear from him soon I will call myself before I leave for work. I am praying so hard he will help me....

So much going on in life now its just getting more and more depressing everyday.... Bad enough having to deal with my life in a shambles now one of my dearest friends is dying and DD is falling apart..... When will this all end?

Hi Hurting,

Your probably at work now, just want to say have a good day. Tell Hurting2 hi for me. My sympathies to you about your friend. Too much to endure, I know...but God will get you through.

Love and Prayers,
Lady

lady,

thank you for your concerns and prayers.

I just got home from work and I have done some very serious thinking today.

I have been asking myself alot of questions to which the answers are hard to come up with.

I still love my H with all my heart but do I really want to fight this anymore?

I am just not sure right now if I want to fight this anymore. I am so confused as to what I want anymore. Part of me wants this to work and part of me is so afraid to try. I don't think I could go through this again. I have some serious soul searching to do right now.....

Called the lawyers office .... he is in court, so hopefully he will be able to call sometime today.

I have been doing so much thinking the last two days my brain hurts....

I am a little worried my planb has given WH what he wants. I find it hard to believe that this man who every since he moved out would not leave me alone has become so compliant to my wishes of N/C. He has not even tried in 3 weeks. At first he balked about it but then after our last contact which I intitated and we all know what happened. He has not even tried. So now I feel like a fool who was used one last time.

Maybe its a good thing I am not seeing him or speaking because I am so angry right now I don't know what I would say or do. I just want to rip his head off for what he has done and torn our family apart.

Part of me wants to run away and start over and pretend he never exsisted and part of me wants to run to the OW's home and just grab him out.

One good thing is I can see a future with or without him in my life. I am getting used to the fact he is gone now. I miss the companionship and intimatcy of our life. Something in me tells me that my WH is a long ways from becoming a H again. I do belive one day he will wake up but I fear that day will be long after I don't care anymore.

Yes I still love my H very much , but I hate the WH for all of the pain, indifference and ignorance he has shown. Maybe this is who he is now and if so then I feel sorry for him because his life will always be nothing but misery. But I will not be a part of it.