I have no clue as to why they think this.... its very disturbing I could never see myself doing this....

I will admit there are days here recently were it would have been easy to fall for someone because of the loneliness but I won't even go there.... I am being very careful around men. I don't and won't lower myself to their level.. (WH and OW)

I do have faith that all of this will crash at some point in time and to be honest I would not want ot be him and have to deal with the pain and guilt....

I finally got btw...my validation about my XH being the PROBLEM AND NOT ME...

My IL's are employees of my WXH. He signs their checks. My xfil was a manager of a paper company before working for darth...my xmil was a substitute school teacher. They both earn quite a bit now. And they've been the biggest enablers in the world? Any wonder why?

My xh did such a good job of making everybody think I was nuts or not a good housekeeper or just in general a nightmare to live with...sooo untrue!

Finally, after the stuff started with FV...the lying again, cheating again...my xFIL said to FV...

with his head held down..

Darth did the same thing...to Peach. This is the same thing...Now I understand.

People do find out. And it's making the xil's miserable I can tell you. Last time I saw them they were at my son's birthday party. From all family accounts, his sister does NOT speak to Darth anymore..they used to be close. His dad had put on at least 30 lbs (was not small to begin with) and my xmil has put on more weight too...and they're strugglng w/depression.

If people seem to try to be nice t the affairees, it is because they think that's what they're supposed to do or something. They don't really mean it btw.

I mean...my xh's business partner's wife used to be really close to me. Now she emails me from time to time. We have talked briefly...and she is more than fully aware of what happened. Nothing shocking and she did not buy the bs that my xh fed them. Either did the partner...but he's cheating too...and has been for years.

Wanna know what just happened here? My xh just showed up to pick up my son.

He was looking handsome and appeared as if he'd just gone to gym...me? I have freaking' walking pneumonia. But I manag4ed to take a shower, put on minimal makeup so I wouldn't scare any small children...he shows up at door. And is nice, picks up son, and ...

IS NOT WEARING HIS WEDDING RING HE FOUGHT SO HARD TO ONCE WEAR...

Ironically he phoned earlier and asked if I had spoken to FV today...I said no..why should I? He said nothing.

After almost 2 years married, my xh NEVER will wear his wedding ring around me.

HE IS ASHAMED OF IT.

Moral of my story to you is this one...

They can only lie so much.

They can only spin so much.

And sooner or later...the truth will do the opposite of freeing them! It will BE THEIR UNDOING!

Even the enablers will see the truth. And they will mourn if they enabled the affair. Maybe in private..Maybe not.

And the affairees will in the end turn on one another and there's nothing that can be done about it...it is in the stars. It is a doomed relationship.

And even if a WS is the most handsome or gorgeous creature in the universe, it will not cover up their actions.

In the end, the affairees will one day face that accountability. And hang their heads in shame. And they will one day do as we have done silently from afar...and shake their heads and say "why?"...to themselves. And the guilt will be only theirs.

You will however walk on and be proud of who you are...that you were able to honor your committment. And when the time is right, you will find somebody..if you want to...and you will have dignity and respect.

For me, that's been enough for the last 2 years. And it doesn't matter if a handsome guy with a fancy suv shows up at my front door SANS WEDDING RING...he is a WS. Not worthy of a woman of my soul's worth!

Peachy,

He should be ashamed thats for sure...

But I have a hypthetical question for ya..... If for some reason you any indications to your exwh that you still loved him and wanted him back , how do you think he would react?

I know this is not going to happen I am just curious as to what you think he might would do.

My dad and mom divorced and he tried for the rest of his life to get her back. She never went back but he tried may times.... He was willing to leave his wife for it my mom would have done it.

I just wonder if this is a common thing for Exwh's to do....


I guess lucky for me tere are no enablers really to speak of .... Maybe some of er friends but they are of the same moral fiber as her. No one we know or any of our families are enabling them at all.....

I think he'd have a heart attack...

Because the likelyhood that'd happen is very very low.

It would take years!!!! and I will NOT be single by then btw...

He'd have to commit himself to a mental center for evaluation and commit to healing himself from his addictions to women, trouble with lying, and abusive behavior.

He'd have to right all wrongs with regards to money showing me he was up front honest. He'd have to rethink child support.

He'd have to while being committed, read every MB book and attend (alone) as many MB weekends as an individual could! He'd have to turn into a MB groupie!

He'd have to give up his teenager clothes. No more disco shirts and frayed jeans and flip flops. Dress like a real man! But I will not give up my new frayed jeans and flips...he he...I am newly single and can dress however I want to!

He'd have to commit to every thing MB and pro family.

He'd have to have a spiritual counselor and announce to world all he did and why he did it and why it is not who he is anymore.

And I don't believe any of this is ever possible.

It's a bit much to ask of anybody.

But I feel Darth is an all star in the MB WS hall of shame!

I just don't think I could feel it again.

Yea, I can say he's handsome. I can say any guy I think is handsome is handsome now! But I don't like the present that comes in the package girl. In fact, the present is more like a gag gift now.

And I think he will try. He's made one feeble attempt this summer.

I think over the years to come since he's looking older and older and I am looking well...younger...that this will be the case.

It is funny to me and I admit...to see this guy showing up at my door looking newly pumped up from gym and SANS wedding ring...it does make me feel a teeny victory.

And it was hilarious! I opened door and accidentally
SNEEZED ONTO DARTH..had kleenex in hand though..HE said "whoa...you are sick". I think it frightened him. At least I didn't puke on him. One of those "had to be there" kinda moments. Mr. Suave rings doorbell...the xMrs. Suave answers...door opens, Mr. Suave is standing there leaning just so...against doorway, and xMrs. Suave loudly sneezes and falls forward almost hitting Mr. Suave, the professional poser!

Wow that is a lot for anyone to do but I can't say I would blame you at all.

I keep wondering as much as I love my H if I would be up to the task of really working on this marriage. I know I have what it takes but will he if he ever decides to try.
I do know I have books and so much printed material I would love for him to read if he ever gets his head outta his butt... But something tells me he will try and skirt around it. Of course he hates to read, so guess I would have to read it all to him.... would not be the first time though he sometimes has trouble comprehending the written word... I was always having to explain things to him.

Of course I don't see him getting his head unstuck anytime soon. I wish he would but I just don't see it.....

Just from your description of Darth it seems to me he probably would try and get you back at some point in time.

Pretty funny ya sneezed on him... Serves him right...

He wouldn't quite be the ladies man sneezing and coughing with a 101 fever would he? he he.

I really don't wish this cold on anybody though.

Just place the blinders on and quit worrying what a WS thinks. Nobody knows what happens in those little brains.

I'm getting better at it peachy..... doing my best not to think about it... Sometimes its just hard....

Hi Hurting,

How are you? Do you have to work tonight?

We had a great time for DS16 Birthday today. Birthday Party and dinner at the Mall. Did some shopping. It was a fun happy time. He said the best present is he is finally 16.
My H told him when you get older you want to go younger. So true.

In your situation was thinking...

What are you going to say when SIL starts calling for the check stubs?

Love, Lady

Lady,

I for now am not worried about it. For the most part I am not answering the phone. But I have made copies so its not a big deal. If she comes and gets them fine but I will not take them to her.

Seems he told her yesterday he has called the attorney but the attorney won't call him back. This is the attorney who told MIL he would not take the case.

I just got of th phone with a friend of mine and she said WH went to the hospital to see our friend and he was telling everyone how happy he has been the last few months, happier than he has been in the last 5 years. He said OW pays attention to him like I used to but then I stopped and was on the computer to much and ignored him. So he is still using that as his justification for this all...

I am so tired of hearing the same darn excuses for his A. I just want this to end.....

I really don't know what is going to happen but one thing for sure I know in my heart and gut that this is not the end for us even if he divorces me, something just tells me its not going to be the end.

I also now am worried that when our friend passes away that not only will I have to deal with him at the funeral but that OW may be there as well... She knows our friend to.... I don't know how I would handle that if it happens.... I hope they woould have enough sense not to come like that. But so far good sense does not seem to be something they have...

Yes I have to work tonite in about an hour and ahalf.... What joy .... lol

Glad your son had a nice birthday...

Yes, how did we know that would happen...????


I don't think he knows what happiness is...so this is just blah, blah, and more blah. WH is not happy, just deceived.

This is the way I would handle the funeral, but it's your choice....Go and sit as much in the front as possible, this is so you don't have to look at the two of them if they come. They then will probably sit more toward the back. Totally ignore them if near them. And go dressed up looking your best.

What do ya think?

Love, Lady

hurting...
I really wish you would not have to hear about your WH now...but it seems invevitable that you do and frankly I think your H is hoping you do...sad...

Don't listen to the happy happy joy joy crup! I got the same from my H when he left and it is so irritating and painful to hear when your world is falling apart. They are just fooling themselves that they are happy because they haven woken up enough to see what is really going on! They feel they have 'escaped' our cluches or something, but they will wake up one day and realize that they have lost someone who loved them and was willing to do anything to be with them and stand by their side...

....I feel for you!

Hang in there.
Daisy

Let's see...the "I'm soooo happy" spiel.

My xh has told me sooo many times that "FV makes me happier than you ever did."

Wow.

Is that why he's cheating like mad on her and was never .01 millisecond faithful to her? Is that why ?

It is an act.

He wants everybody to take his side. To see that he did all this poo and it was worth a [email]da@n![/email]

The proof is that he kept talking about how she treats him supposedly better and allyou did was stay on computer. How about him staying outta somebody else's pants?

I feel sorry your sick friend had to listen to the wackaloons.

Just know the whole thing he did...right outta the WS handbook.

It's on the chapter called "SPIN AND BLAME"..how to make everybody else accept your stupid behavior and choices!

Well I was kinda thinking the same thing.... I see it as more babble.

but anyhow on the other hand I got great news.... I called a friend of mine in Atalanta and he is loaning me the money.... He is sending it out priorty mail tomorrow.... So hopefully I will have it by monday and get this all started...

I am going by lawyers tomorrow to pick up the paperwork and start filling it out....

I sure woould like to be a fly on the wall when he gets served.... I know he thinks I woould never do this.....

I will admit it scares me some but I have to do what I have to.... He has to pay for my and my son.....

My friend told me tonite , I bet you within a year he will be wanting you back.... I said whi knows but for now I can't worry about that I have to protect myself.....

((Hurting))

I am so glad you got some help! Thank God for your friend! I know you don't want to do this, but I am so glad you can get some protection now.

hurting...
Glad to hear about the funds!

justpeachy...

Are you saying your xWH is already cheating on his new W?

WOW!

Daisy

thank you Jean.... Your right I really didn't want things to go this far but I guess it has....

So now reality is going to hit us both with a big boom.... I have been in reality during this but the rality of standing in front of a judge watching my life be torn apart was something I never expected....

I was nieve enough to believe he would come home and this would all be over. I never believed he really meant any of this stuff. I truly thought after a few weeks of being with her he would realzie what he was missing. I guess I was really dumb....

So now I have to do this to protect myself and my son and it hurts so much.... I never wanted this...

hurting...
You were not dumb....don't think that...He betrayed you and you could not have prepared yourself for that, that is all...you were not dump in trusting him to be faithful, that is how it is suppose to be!

Ahh, why does it seem that we are the once who are suffering when they dicided to leave us...why do they treat us like crup and feel justified JUSTIFIED to do it???

But we will get stronger...hang in there hurting!

Daisy

Daisy,

Thank you for saying that. I just feel like such a fool that I allowed this to go on for so long thinking he would really come home.

At one point I actually could not imagine he would not come home. I really believed he was just making me suffer to teach me a lesson. I just knew this would be over quick.

I still have a hard time believing this has happen to us. it was not until after I found MB's and starting reading the books that I realized I had a much bigger problem. I was so shocked to hear about the FOG and how it really messes with someones head.

Now here I am going to do the one thing I never thought I would ever do and thats take my own H to court for money.
I guess I now have to realize this really is real its not a game anymore. I still kept hoping that one day he would just realzie what he has done. Maybe on day he will, I have no clue.

But for now I have to move on do the one thing I never wanted to do and thats stand in front of a judge and tell him/her how bad my own H has treated me. I don't look forward to it at all. I can't even imagine what it will be like to be in a court room on opposites from the man i have loved for so many years. I know I won't even be able to look at him without falling apart. So now I have got to get myself together and try and be strong for this.

I wish there was another for this to go but looks like he has left me no more choices.

Make sure you let the court know what you said. That never in your wildest imagination did you think a once loving H and father would devastate his family as he has done to you and yours. That you have tried your hardest to help him back to his senses but now you have to take legal action to protect yourself and your family.

Your calm and respectful remarks to the court should help your case. IMHO that is. I am sure the courts hear this stuff waaay tooo often. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.