GOOD FOR YOU! Hard lessons. But I know you have grown and probably never realized how strong you truly are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I can't even talk about OP who get with married partners. Without throwing a hissy fit. I swear if I was wealthy, I woudl spend my time campainging to change the laws back to a FAULT divorce. DO the crime do the TIME is my motto.

It is so unjust and unfair that the WS often walks away from the devastation of a broken family scot free! And the OP reaps the rewards of the cheating.

Well, I get very angry. lol about unfairness. So, in my case, (I live in Canada), I NAMED the Ditchpig in the Divorce Action. So because she has been named SHE must appear in court along with my DORK. WITH her own LAWYER to admit, in court that she (also married) commited adultery with MY STBXH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

So SHE will have to pay a lawyer, AND the best part for me? SHE can be held respnsible for ALL court costs. roflmao. MINE as well.

Of course DOrk will have to pay his as well. AWWWWW. Tough noogies. Small satisfaction. BUt darned if either if them get off Scot free. ANd yes I know it should really be all about WH and NOT OW. Sure, but a "Get the he!! away from me you're married" would have been good. Or once I called her, if she had had any morals, she would have told DORK to get lost.

Oh well. I fight my own battles. Sorry to thread jack. Just letting you have some background on how I think and react. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

i'm moving to Canada!!!!

well tonight something happen that I have been dreading since i started working. No I did not see OW but close enough.... It was firends of hers. I was working the drive through at Burger King and low an behold this couple came through that we used to bowl with and they are good firends with OW.

At first I was shocked and did not know what to say. So I said nothing at all except the amount they owed. They never said anything to me at all. In fact the wife turned her head and looked down and would not even look at me. It shook me up for a few minutes. I be willing to bet ya they called OW as soon as they got home to tell her they saw me.

I guess I handled it ok, I have been waiting for this to happen to see how I woould do. If not for the fact we were busy and a lot of people around I may would have broken down and said something wrong.

Well I guess I had better get used to seeing people like this and just hold my head high....

Good Morning!!!!


I think under the state of shaking nerves, you handled it good, and very professional. I think OW friend should feel shamed. If she was a true friend to OW she would be telling her to get the heck away from your WH. How would she feel if her H was doing they same thing?

But...I guess those are the people you will run into or they run into you periodically, holding your head high shows them a women of strength and honor, who doesn't back down when the going gets tough.

Not easy I know. They don't deserve a word from you, and maybe thats what she wanted, something they could add to thier little sleezy soap opera. You did good keeping quiet, it shows your integrity.

Love, Lady

(((Hurting))) You did well. And yes, I'll bet the W was ashamed. It is very difficult to be put in a position of having to deal with friends and acquaintances of the OP.

imho, you held your head high. There will be many times that this happens when you live in the same town. I don't have that problem. Thank Goodness. For me, my MIL ives closer than WH and OW. SHe supports WH doing what he needs to be "happy". As I think.. NO!, I KNOW, that this is part of her enabling personality, I have cut off all contact. And I gave her all the reasons. The end point for me was when DD stayed with MIL and last Christmas and DD got to hear MIL tell WH that she would do anything to support his happiness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Her reaction? DD shouldn't have been listening! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

My point is, if you can't support efforts to save the M, you are enabling the A and are no friend of mine. I do NOT accept that stance of people who say it is none of their business. The state of M is everyone's concern. If you won't stand up and say your against it, you're for it. (Told you I was obnoxious)

I only have friends and family that support me and my efforts in my life. I had one friend who WH actually was rooming with who took the stance that she didn't want to be involved. And then started actively supporting WH because he convinced her that I was a fruitcake. YOu know that exposure stuff, etc. lol. But, after a 6 months, she apologized and said she NOW saw what a liar and how screwed up WH is. And now she is my intermediary. I will never fully trust her again. But, I am trying to stay civil.

Keep up the great work you are doing.

Tahnk you both for your kind words. I was so blown away I was shaking when I realized who it was. it;s the first time since all of this happen I have seen anyone that is friends woith OW or even OW herself. I try and avoid anyplace I know I could run into any of them.

I don't know for sure but I hear a rumor that this woman I saw last night had been caught cheating on her H a few months back. Not sure if its true but it was told to me. If its true I have a hard time understanding how they could support WH and OW but then again who knows.

I am so lucky in my sitch that I have my inlaws on my side. My MIL omnly lives 7 houses from me. I spend a lot of time with her and she is my biggest support. She is wanting me to take WH for all I can get. He has treated her almost as bd as he has treated me. He has cut her off as well. He has only seen her like 4 times since July. And those times were per her request so she could talk to him, in which he became mad becasue she told him what a a$$ he is. I feel bad for her because she has said she has lost most of her love for him. She does not trust him at all and just wants him to leave her alone. Pretty sad when his own mother is feeling like this.

I do know in time things will change but by then I probably won't care. She did say the other day even if he comes back to you , it will take a long time f or her to trust or accept him back in the family and feel comfortable around him. But I do know as long as OW is with him it won't happen. WH and OW both have been told that OW will never be welcome into her home even if they were to marry.

She says I will always be her DIL no matter what and even if I were to remarry and found a nice , good man he would be welcome. I believe her thats just the type of person she is. I have counted my blessings many days that I have her.

So the sad part of thi whole thing is not is WH loosing me and our children he is loosing his whole family..... All his choices though.... He has always been close to his mom so I can only imagine how hard this is on her to. I can't even imagine how he can live like this with only OW and her friends in his life.

Anyway I may be having a hard time now money wise but family wise and friend wise I am doing so much better thatn. I have more support than he ever will.... So I will be fine.... I feel sorry for him when he crashes and burns because he will have no one if he can't do the right thing by his family.

Well I finished filling out the paperwork the attorney gave me....

I never realized how much stuff they need to know. Now it makes me for sure that WH has not seen an attorney yet. He would not know the answers to a lot of the questions on the paperwork. In fact I have all the information he has no access to at this point.

It was really hard to have to write down all we own and give it a price. Of course since I am not filing the big D a lot of this may not even be needed but I did it anyway just in case it does come to that.

I can't believe my life has now come down to dollars and cents like this. I believe WH is in for a rude awakening when this is all said and done. I really don't think he has any clue whats all involved in ripping a family apart. To him its all about him and his happiness... Or what he considers his happiness...

Fog will do that. they are immune to our suffering.

Don't think the papers or the work will help. A WS will continue on that path until t hey themselves make a choice to change.

My xh cried when we signed papers at attorney's office. When the document was transcribed by the clerk...or whoever was doing all the typing. I just sat there..head down...tears streaming down my face. And him...he looked me dead in eyes and began crying too.

But the man went home to his pregnant mistress. So much for tears huh?

Actions count. Emotions are imho...secondary.

Quit doing the "well when he sees this he will change" business.

Stop doing it! Blinders on! Forget about figuring out WS.

Peachy,

I don't believe doing the papers will change anything. That is not my purpose in doing them. I am dong them to protect myself and my son. I am just saying I don't believe he has any idea what its all about. I don't for one minute think he will just all of a sudden say OMG what have I done.... Mayb someday but no time soon for sure.

It;s just hard for me to have to do this because its something I don't want. But I know it has to be done.

I hope to have this all done by monday so we can get a court date quickly. I just want this done so I can start paying my bills and having not so much stress worrying over it.... That will make life so much easier for me.

Good girl. We don't proceed because we want to...in terms of a divorce or a separation...we do proceed as it is the only way to deal with somebody who will not respect their families nor respect their vows to us. We do so as last resort to achieve some level of peace and sanity.

I know you're doing all you can.

Just stay focused and forget about the idiot...he's not worth a thought right now. He is a guy all about himself.

Your right thats all he is about right now himself and himself only.....

I am trying my best not to think about him but doing these papers put me back some. Maybe once it is all done I can move ahead and not think so much.

I just want some peace .....

I am going to file my paperwork Monday and I believe I have decided to not go for legal seperation. I am going to file for the divorce on Adultry charges.

I feel this is something I need to go ahead and do. I do believe WH is going to file anyway so I want to be able to get this on my own terms.

I do love my H but I can't continue living like this anymore. I really wanted my marriage to work but I don't think that is going to happen.

I have decided to let him go and have his so called happiness with OW. I will be ok and of some point in the future he wants to work on us then maybe I will be willing.

I just don't feel I can move on living like this amymore. This decsison is breaking my heart but I have thought about this for a few days and I just think its the best thing to do.

For all of you who have beenhere for me Thank you.... I just feel this is the best thing for me right now. I do know that if things change this can be stopped but the chance of that happening is pretty small I believe.

I will keep you updated on whats happening....

Mimi please don't be disappointed in me. I don't want this to happem but I really feel it will no matter what. So I just feel the need to do it my way. I will always have a little hope he will come home someday but I can't live on hope. I have to be able to move on with or without him....

My heeart is breaking right now and the tears won't stop but I have to be strong and do this......

Hi Hurting,

I am surprised by your choice, but I truly understand you. I do. I wouldn't try talking you out of it. You know what you can handle and what you can't in your own heart.

If he was to come back, I think he has hurt you so much to ever trust and love him again the way it was.

If you file for divorce will they give you an emergency hearing for spousal support and CS?

I am sad for you too Hurting, and felt like you are a true sister. I know in my heart you were a beautiful wife to him. And you will continue to be a beautiful woman and mother who deserves the best in life.

Love, Lady

Hurting,

I have tears in my eyes as I am reading this. No one here will be disappointed in you. You do what your heart and mind tells you to do.

I am so sad that it has come to this. I will be thinking about you a lot...

{{{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}

Kimberly

I just wanted to say that I have followed your story this entire time. You have been strong and you have to do what you have to do. You are the only person who knows when the time is right to let go.

Thoughts and prayers with you!

Would you mind explaining your thought process on this?

I'm not disappointed in you.

I'm sad for you and your children.

I hate to see you just hand him over to the OW..

What's the point? Why do you want to just give up?

Do you think that this is going to relieve your pain?

I don't get it....

How do you know he is going to do it?



How do you know this? You are making sure that your marriage does not work by making this choice. How can you say that you love your H and make this statement in the same breath? I don't understand.



So you are doing this for his benefit..to help him with his happiness? There is a low likelihood of him working on this if you give him up. He will justify his A and think that you do not love him anymore which you say that you do....but you are acting as if you do not....



Why is it the best thing to do? Why are you deciding to do something that is breaking your heart?


You sound as if you have given up hope..That makes me sad for you...

Remember, Hurting..

You are the one that has given up now...

Not your WH....

A divorce is meant to be FINAL..the END of your MARRIAGE... you should view it as such...

Mimi,

All the signs lead me to believe he is going to file. He has been calling the attorney and I think its just a matter of time.

I am so torn as what to do. My heart tells me not to do it but my brain says I should... I really don't want to do it.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am not asking anyone to make this decsision for me but help me see were there is a chance. I keep trying to find just a little bit of chance and I don't see it. Tell me what any of you see that I can't.

I don't want to make a rash descsion I will regret later ,so please just tell me one thing that gives anyone an idea he will make a turn around.

I am so confused right now. I keep going back and forth as what to do. Just a glimmer of hope would help me.....

I can only go by my own experience.

I thought my situation was HOPELESS..

Now my H and I are happier than ever.

Your WH's pattern is so much like my WH's...

My H had an almost 3 year affair with a young,unmarried woman almost 20 years younger than he was.

He told me "Face it, it's over"..he moved in with her and was going to start all over with her....

Why not just get the LEGAL SEPARATION and see what happens..

To me, the divorce makes it TOO FINAL...harder to turn back..

I can't see why it would help your situation to do differently....

I particularly HATE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MAKING IT SO EASY FOR HER...

You are NOT FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE...

That's what the FOW hated about me...

I NEVER GAVE UP and SHE EXPECTED ME TO....

Mimi,

I keep thinking about this and I change my mind minute by minute....

I don't want to give up I really don't. To be honest I don't know if I can do it. I just don't think I make the words come out of my mouth ..... Divorce is such an ugly word.

I have put on the papers for legal seperation with the possibility of divorce at a later time. I will just go for te seperation for now but leave the door open for the other if I ever feel its needed.

This way I will have the attorney if I need him if it comes to this.

Its like I get so angry thinking about what he has done and while I w as doing the papers, I thought maybe I should just give him what he wants. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking is it really what he wants?

I guess if it is he will take care of it. I think maybe I thought if I filed it then I woould know whats happening and not have the shock of being served papers by him.

My mind s spinning around so much I can't make any clear descsion on anything right now. So I guess maybe I need to just do what I have to for now... Then make a descsion later in the future if I need to....