Orchid,

I will do that..... It breaks my heart that I have to do this. But as I said he has left me no choice now.

I am preparing myself for his anger because I am sure there will be some. I think he truly believes he won't have to pay spousal support. He has told people this. I have no doubt he heard ths from OW. Once he is his hit in his bak account I do expect him to become more vindictive and nasty. Hope I am wrong but I doubt it.

So now I have to become real strong to deal with the fallout. I will admit it scares me.... I think he will retaliate by filing the D for sure.....

Hi Hurting,

I'm glad you have a friend sending you money. That is so generous.

So you are going to pick up the paperwork now. Do you have to fill it all out yourself or will the lawyer help you with that also?

I hope WH doesn't give you any trouble when you file. Did you tell SIL and MIL that you are in the process of starting LS? My concern is that they will immediately tell your WH. DD may tell also.

Love, Lady

No only my MIL knows..... She will not tell him he does not talk to her.... She wants me to take him for all I can.... MIL is behind me 100% she is digusted with his behavior. DD knows nothing and I am not telling her, because I fear she would tell him...

I will fill out waht ever he needs to know but he will do it the proper way to file it.... I am just giving him information

Oh I am sure WH is going to be mad at try to fight me all the way... He is not going to like aying out his money.... I hope OW fraks out about it as well and they get start LB'ing each other.... But more than likely they will unite even more calling me all kinds of names.... But in the end it will bug her to no end knowing he will be out evenmore money she can't have ...

I don't think you have to go to court.

I think he just gets served with the paperwork.

Well the lawyer told me we woould have an emergency hearing for this so I assume that means we will have to go to court... I guess the judge has to decide on the money.... I will find out more....

Ok I am off now to pick up the paperwork .... Will let you know what happens when I get back..

Well I have returned from the lawyer. I have the papers to fill out now... I spoke to him about not wanting to file for divorce just LS. I told him in just was not in my heart to file D at this time. He told me if your not ready for that then don't do it.

I can't believe the paperwork I have to fill out, so many questions. This is so hard to do. I hate what is happening I just want to run away....

I then went over to see my friend in the hospital, that was so sad. She can't talk and barely recognizes anyone. It broke my heart to see this woman who was so full of life just a short month ago to be like this. I held up though and was cheerful for her. It just made me realzie that life is so short and to have to live through such stupid crap that my WH is doing is beyond anything anyone should have to endure.

It really makes me see how selfish he is and how willing he is to live for the moment never knowing what tomorrow brings. It really puts life into perspective for sure. And it just angers me to know end to know he went to see our friend and was talking about how happy he has been the last 2 months. To even talk about such things in front of someone who is dying is something I could never do. This friend of ours was one person who told WH what a fool he was and then for him to talk how happy he is in front of her boils my blood....

Selfish is all I can say about him right now...... I never would have believed he would be like this but he is.... I am so disgusted right now by him I could be sick....

what a fool he is......

Hi Hurting,


Are you okay?


Yes, that was terrible that he told your friend those things on her dying bed. I'm sure that upset her for you.
She didn't need to hear that. Ugh!!
I wish you didn't have to hear the aweful things he is saying. Don't take those things to heart, he is not a "truly" happy man, he's in a " deceptive happy foggy bubble" that I hope bursts real soon!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Love, Lady

lady,

I am as good as can be expected I guess. Just filling out these papers and having to put our lives down in dollar amounts is not easy.

Seeing my friend really bothered me , I has no idea how bad it was going to be to see her like that. It ripped my heart out.

I am so down right now, I just don't know if I can make it through the day without falling apart.

I too wish his bubble would burst but I am not seeing that happening anytime soon. Wish I had a big enough pin to pop it wide open...... This whole entire day has been nothing but sadness.

My friend who is sending me the money called and said its on its way. I told the attorney it sould be here by monday so we can get this moving..... Lady I will admit I am so scared of this whole thing. I just have no idea how WH is going to react. I know he says he is going tofile but I know he is not expecting this from me so its going to be a surprise.

I worry about what he will do when he has to pay out a large amount of money to me every month. It's not going to be pretty for sure. I am sure he will really have more bad things to say about me then for sure. Will definatley give him and OW something to talk about.... It will definatley give them something in common to gripe about....

I am not looking forward to this at all....

I know that the reality of you having to do the LS is very difficult for you, but after you get the papers going and filed, you will feel stronger because you know you did the right thing, even though you hated doing it. Don't worry about how he is going to react. He needs to remember you are his wife and he has children. These are his responsiblilities, and if he isn't taking care of them on his own, then the court is going to have to make him do it. Did he think you are going to sit back and do nothing? Hurting you have been married and born 3 children with him, you deserve everything. I am so thankful there are courts in this country to bring men/women like him to justice, and at least financial responsibility to the providing for the family. In many countries women are just left to beg on the street after a husband has left.

Love, Lady

lady,

Yes to be honest I do think he thought I would do nothing. I beleive he thinks I love him so much I was willing to take whatever crumbs he handed out. I do love him with all my heart but I can't continue to allow this.

I had told him from the beginning I would not be the one to file any papers because this is not what I wanted. So yes I do believe he will shocked and angered.

So I do believe this will be a slap of reality for him as well as for myself. I don't think it will be reality enough to burst his little fantasy though......

I finally layed down this afternoon to take a nap to try and make myself feel better, it helped some. I still feel very sad though... This next couple of weeks are going to be rough and tense waiting for all of this to happen. I am not looking forward to any of it...

Hurting, I knew you were taking a nap! You're like me!

This was a hard day for you, first the paperwork, then your friend. Too much sadness in a few hours of time.

Are you taking vitamins? There was a time when I was bedridden for months with depression. I had taken all kinds of AD's but they didn't work for me. When I'm depressed, I don't eat enough to feed a bird, so vitamins are a necessity. I take a woman's multi-vitamin and an extra vitamin B-complex before bedtime, they really do help, not everything, but they do make me feel physically better. They take the fatigue away the most.

I know God is going to get you through this, maybe not happily, but He will bring you through.

Love, Lady

I trust in God that he will bring me through this.... I willk be ok, I have been doing pretty good most days. Today was just a hard one for me. But tomorrow will be better...

Well I worked last night and thought since I have to work tonite I would take a nap. I slept not as well as I would have liked but ok....

I know I am going to have to get over my fear of how he is going to react so I can handle whatever happens... I am trying very hard to get there... And I will

Yeah, it's hard to say how he will react...but his reaction is not as important as your livelihood. If he comes at the door screaming and angry just call 911, and let the police handle him. You don't have to do anything.

You know I may be worrying over nothing. I mean lets face it he has been saying he was going to file himself so maybe he won't be as mad as I think...

Of course I am not filing D but almost.... LS is almost the same thing in Okla without the final decree....

But I think what will be the thing is that I am going after his money. Where as he thinks he files he will not have to pay me any....

So who knows what will happen..... This may well put the last nail in the coffin so to speak.... He may really be done after this... But I can't worry over that.....

Hurting -

I am so glad you have gotten legal help!!! And I am so sorry you are having to do the LS for money from him......I know you didn't want to have to go there.

You sound great though & so much stronger. See, you can do this & you will make it through.

Kimberly

HI, Hurting. I rarely post any more but I do read more again. I have been following your sitch for a while. I am filled with admiration for what you have done for yourself. YOur PLan B is a strong one. You have listened to the veteran posters when they have offered you solutions following the MB principles. YOu have learned and grown so much since you started this unwilling journey. I am truly impressed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

NOw that being said, I have to warn you. I am far more Like LemonMan. Hi SourMale. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />So, I am going to make an observation about your sitch that hasn't been said right out loud. DOn't be scared. Just the facts, okay? lol

Hurting, the one thing I see in your posts is that you are sooo worried about WH being angry that you are taking his money. THAT IS SO WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!. IT is YOUR money, too! YOu have been a SAHM, you have raised a family, you have been his partner. YOu have done your share in the partnership called marriage. If WH had paid you for your services, your yearly salary would have been over 40,000 per year, I think is the latest estimate.

So, IF WH actually has the nerve to be upset that you took his money, tell him to call me. I will tell him to put a sock in it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And another thing.... (Yes, as weaver says I am a firecracker lol) From personal experience, play hard ball. DO NOT PLAY NICE! WS's have a tendency to feel so entitled that they will not see, feel or hear you pain. AND right now even the WS that eventually come out of the fog, DO NOT CARE about your well-being. Oh there are a few exceptions. BUT MOST will certainly be upset that you dare to need things like food, and those other luxuries.

THe other way to look at this is my own view. The more that you get as alimony and support, the LESS goes to feed that A and YOUR FAMILY'S money stays out of OP's disgusting groping greedy hands!. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am so angry FOR you. HOw DARE any WH leave their spouse in such dire straits? But they do. 9 times out of 10. Sigh. So imvho, file and ask for the moon. THe court will make the ultimate decsion for you. But YOUR ARE ENTITLED to every penny. YOU worked hard all your life. Do not minimize your contribution to this marriage.

And, as far as living expenses, you have the bills, make sure to add for emergencies and extras for entertainment, etc. DO NOT leave that out. And things like house dental, medical, life insurance, house repairs. All of it. BEcasue it is a sad fact that when a WH leaves, it is the WIFE who ends up in poverty or at the very least, living well below the standard she was living while with the H.

Fighting,

Thank you for your post. You really made me feel good. Admiration is something I never expected to hear from anyone. I have tried to take the advice the vets have given me and I do believe I have follwed it pretty well. Yes I have made a few mistakes but we all do.

You know the funny thing is through this whole situation I have been so oncerned with making WH angry. My fear was that if I made him angry I would loose all chance of saving my marriage. I guess I still have some of that mind set now. I am starting to let it go somewhat. I know now if he gets angry I will have to deal with it. I do not deserve what he has done to me and I should be the one hollaring from the rooftops and being angry.

If by filing these Legal Seperation papers make him that angry to were he is totally done then so be it, I guess that means he will never be the man I once loved. When my H was in his right mind and not fogged out, he was the most loving man and he coould not do enough for me. He was always so proud to let everyone know I was his wife and did such wonderful things for me. So I still have a hard time comprehending how you go from that to someone so selfish in such a short time.

I hav put on the papers what all I want from medical insurance , to a life insurance policy on him, I have asked for everything including the moon.... I know I won't get it all but I went for broke.

The one bright thing in this that makes me smile is knowing that OW will not be getting all that she thought she would. Just the thought he has to support me and his child will be something she is not going to like. The less money he has the unhappier OW will be..... Or that is I hope so....

I will be ok, I have a lot of support from family and friends including his family. He has no one but the OW and her wretched friends and family..... So in the long run I will have the better deal so to speak....

I will not give up hope that someday he will see what he has done and want to become the man he should be. I just hope for him when that day comes I still want him....

((((Hurting)))) Good for you. One day at a time. And that is all any one of us can do. YOu are doing far better than I did. I was a biotch on wheels. I was enraged. Still am but working on that to get towards letting go completely.

And don't get me wrong, I still love my Dork. Just got to the point where ALL I did was try to second guess what his next crumb or evil thing would be. It was killing me. And STILL it changed nothing.

Hurting, my HARDEST lesson and one that all BSs have to go through, is that ALL you can do is control YOU. NOTHING you say or do will change your WH. THe only thing you can do is be happy with yourself. Keep growing. And you know what? People that LOVE themselves and are proud of their personal accomplishments ATTRACT people.

IMHO I would rather be around people that like themselves enough to fight for thier own happiness. kwim? I am NOT saying that I avoid people in pain. HEck this board is filled with pain. I am saying that eveyrone has thier down, lower than a slug times. THat is what the support is for. BUT, it is the TRYING that makes us stronger and happier. I truly believe that. I LIKE myeself. I LIKE that I tried so hard to save my M. I LIKE who I have become. And if my Dork is so fogged up and STUPID that he picks Ditchpig after Ditchpig over me and can't see what he threw away, it is HIS loss. NOT mine.

If you are following any other threads, the one that got me to my current semi-peace, it is Faithful Follower's one about detaching. Each time I read it, another light goes on for me. ANother piece of the WHY? falls into place.

And HUrting, I tend to lecture. Sorry. It is my personal style. lol Don't mean to sound obnoxious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Fighting ,

You are not obnoxious at all. I like people who tell it like it is.

I am beginning to like myself more and more. I w as such a pathetic wreck when all this happen. I could see all my faults and what I thought I did to cause this to happen. I over looked the fact that I did not make him do this he chose to do it.

Yes I have seen my part in it all and I am doing everything possible to correct it for me and my future. I am going to IC and learning alot about myself.

Your right if my WH chooses not to see what he is throwing away for someone he thinks is wonderful and good when in reality she is a cheat and liar just like him, then nothing I can do about it.

I can promise him one thing though he will never have the from her the love and faithfulness I gave him over these 24 yrs. How could anyone think that married man who leaves his wife and children and not worry how they will live is a good person. How could he think she is a good person when she allowed herself to be with a married man. Some pretty screwed up thinking if ya ask me.

Like everyone keeps telling me you reap what you sow. I have sowed faithfulness and love so I know in my life that is what I will have. In their lives they have sowed deceit and lies and cheating so I guess that will be what they reap in time.

If the time comes were he can come to me with repentance and the truth and really wants our marriage I can and will try. But I believe that day will be a long way off....if ever

I trust in God to help me through this and I will become a better person for it all after the pain is gone.....